


I May Not Live To See Our Glory

by Gillyweed



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-11-07 00:25:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 32
Words: 45,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11047449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gillyweed/pseuds/Gillyweed
Summary: John has never had a family. His mother died, his father was ashamed of him, and his siblings didn't understand him. Except Martha, she knew John's secret. John had left, and gone to college in New York City. He feels like he finally has a family in Hercules and Laf, and even in the Schuyler Sisters. But most of all in Alexander, the person he loves most in the world. The problem is he can't work up the courage to tell him. And he can't seem to shake the memory of his father.................





	1. Last Words

**Author's Note:**

> This Chapter is basically and intro to John's terrible Childhood. This is the first story I've had the courage to post. I hope you like it!!!!! :-)

CHAPTER ONE  
John Laurens nervously tapped on his knees. His mother was sick. Nobody had total John that she was going to die, that wasn’t something you say to a child. John knew she was going die when he walked into the room. He had a feeling that this would be the last time he saw her. In this hospital bed, hooked up to life support, and dying of cancer. John wasn’t sure what it all meant, but that’s what he had heard the doctors saying. His father opened the door. Henry Laurens. He flinched as his father came through the door, he was worried that his father would realized he had been eavesdropping. Instead when Henry Laurens saw little John, little John who knew his mother was going to die. Henry took pity on John, he was his eldest son and he was going to push him very hard. Henry crouched down and hugged the little boy.  
“I love you, John, and so does your mother. Why don’t you go say hi to her.” his voice was gentle. John whipped his nose with the sleeve of his turtle tee shirt. He nodded and went into the room.  
“Mama?” He asked hesitating. He was wondering if he should tell her what he figured out.  
“Is that my Johnny?” His mother asked weakly.  
“It’s me.” John said. His mother’s face lit up with a smile. John couldn’t take it, he burst into tears.  
“Hey, it’s okay Johnny.” She said stroking her sons hair.  
“I can’t lose you Mama.” He cried. His mother took his hand.  
“It’s okay Johnny, you’ll be fine.”  
“But you won’t! I can’t-”  
“It’s okay.” She said stroking his hair.  
“Mama, Father won’t understand like you do.”  
“What do you mean Johnny.” His Mother said her eyes full of worry.  
“Mama, daddy wants me to like girls, to get married to one and I don’t……” John trailed off not knowing how to put what he meant into words.  
“It’s okay John you can tell me anything, I will always love, you.”  
“I’m gay.” John whispered.  
“I still love you.” his mom whispered.  
“I love you too, thank you for understanding-”  
“JOHN LAURENS.” screeched a voice from outside the door. His father burst through the door. He grabbed the little boy by his shirt and dragged him out the door.  
“Remember John I will always love you.” His mother called to him, tears streaming down her face, and that was his last image of his mother while she was alive, her laying in a hospital bed, tear stretched and reaching for him.  
“NO SON OF MINE WILL EVER SPEAK THOSE WORDS AGAIN.” Henry screeched.  
“But-”  
“NO YOU WILL NEVER SAY THAT TO ANYONE.”  
“But mama said…”  
“SHE WAS WRONG PEOPLE LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE LOVED.”  
“Father-” John tried, but was cut off has Henry smacked him hard across the check.  
“YOU MAY BE LEGALLY BE MINE, BUT YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN BE MY SON IN MY HEART.”  
“Mr. Laurens,” a doctor called, the doctor hadn’t seen what had happened, “Come quick.” Then John heard it the beeping from the life support quickening and quickening. His father raced in only to see the last moments of his wife, his beloved Eleanor. Henry Laurens was broken.


	2. Bullies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John starts middle school. And meets school bully Charles Lee.............

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charles is a Bully  
> WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

John felt the butterflies in his stomach. The pounded around, as if trying to rip a hole in his stomach and tear out his lungs. It had been four years since his mother’s death and John was ten. He had been repeating his mother’s last words over and over again for hours. I still love you. I still love you. I still love you. I still love you. But he was losing it. He could still remember, her life as clear as a fresh spring, her voice happy and light, the smell of the shampoo she used. But she was gone. And for every time he heard her words, he heard his father's, You don’t deserve to be loved he would hear them over and over in his heading. Like they were hitting him, just as Father had all those years ago. Just like this morning.  
John had been writing. Writing was something he loved. He was writing in his diary. He wasn’t sure if his writing was any good. It was there, all his hateful thoughts toward his Father. All his memories of his mother.  
Henry Laurens had held him by the collar, as he burned the book. John had cried. JOhn had screamed for his father to stop. But it had burned. And John had a big bruise on his face. The perfect way to start off his first day of Middle School. He had no friends to look forward to seeing.  
“John.” Martha said pulling on his sleeve.  
“What?”  
“We’re going to be late” she said grabbing his hand. Martha was his little sister, and was in elementary school still. Their route to school was through the woods. They could’ve taken the bus, like the rest of their brothers and sisters did, but Martha was full of energy. John as the oldest, was just supervision. He liked walking in the woods with his sister. His sister never noticed what their father did. None of his siblings did. They thought John was just a cry baby. That’s what the other kids at school thought too. Martha didn’t seem her usual bubbly self though. When they were about ¾ of their way through the woods to school she turned and stared at him with worried eyes.  
“Why were you crying, when Daddy touched your face this morning.” She whispered. John was shocked, he never thought Martha or any of his siblings would notice. John tightened his ponytail, and turned his bruised face toward the ground.  
“Nothing, just a bad morning.” He lied. She scrutinized him, her little eyes searching for the truth in his features. Her eyes skipped over all his freckles and zeroed in on the bruise.  
“Daddy hit you, didn’t he.” He could see the pain in her eyes.  
“Martha, no-”  
“Don’t lie to me.” She yelled. Martha looked so much like mom, with her worried loving eyes.  
“Everythings fine. Me and Father just don’t agree on everything.”  
“He shouldn’t of hit you.”  
“No he shouldn’t have. Martha, remember that, remember hitting is wrong.” she nodded. John headed down the path and Martha ran to catch up.  
“Why don’t you call him Dad?”  
“Come on.” John said ignoring her question.  
He dropped Martha off at the elementary school. He crossed the street to the Middle School. The School was 5-8, but the High School was connected so the big high schoolers waited in the crowd too. He stood off to the side waiting for the bell to ring.  
“Yo who's this little shrimpy fifth grader?” asked one of the high schoolers. “Shouldn’t you be at the elementary school?”  
“Charles the fifth graders go here now.”  
“Oh yeah, Yo kid what’s on your face.” John had been trying to hid his face.  
“Nothing.” John mumbled. The older boy glared at him.  
“What’s your name, kid.”  
“John Laurens.”  
“Laurens, isn’t he one of those rich guys, what’s he doing sending his kids to public school?” John didn’t answer. His father didn’t care it was a public school he didn’t want them going to private schools, because he didn’t want his kids to be open to new ideas. “Not gonna talk, are you? Your rich Daddy probably told you not to speak to any of us.” The boy grabbed his face.  
“That’s an awful big bruise,” he snickered, “That’s why you go to public school. Easier to bribe the teachers. You must be so stupid, you can’t even talk, or watch where you’re going. That’s why you have that bruise. So stupid you walk into things where ever you go.” The boys around him laughed. John didn’t get it, that made absolutely no sense. So dumb I walk into trees? That was just stupid, he was the stupid one this Charles. The bell rang and Charles let him go.  
Weeks went by. He walked to school with Martha. Charles teased him about his bruises. John got in trouble. He sat alone at lunch. He did his homework. He read about turtles. Charles teased him more. Until one day it got bad.  
John was walking home from school. Martha had gone home with a friend so John was alone. He would have taken the bus, but he had really taken to the woods. He liked the creek where he and Martha would sit by and talk or where John would do homework while Martha colored. He was almost to the creek when he heard someone behind him.  
“Yo shrimp!” called a familiar voice. Charles. John kept walking faster. “My Dad did a job for yours this weekend. And the your Father didn’t pay him.” John kept walking faster now.  
“Turn and look and me.” John ran now. “And if he’s not gonna pay his workers then he's gonna pay. More specifically, you are.” John sprinted. The boys insults weren’t very scary, but physical threats, that was something to worry about. Charles was running after him now. John couldn’t out distance the older boy.  
“You’re gonna pay.” Charles screamed again.  
“Help! Somebody, Help!” John called truely desperate.  
Grabbing John's backpack Charles yanked down. John tripped and rolled, he could see that his knee was scraped and bloody. He started inching away from Charles. Trying to get back on his feet, but Charles was standing over him with his two friends at his side.  
“You’re dead, shrimp.” He said cold hatred in his eyes.  
“Charles, Stop, please.”  
“You’re dead.”  
“It won’t help-”  
“Your father needs to pay for what he did.”  
“He doesn’t care-”  
“About other people. I know that idiot.”  
“NO, about me!”  
“Ha, don’t lie to me. You useless,” Charles was stepping closer to him, John tried to scramble away.”  
“Help! Someone! Please! Help!” He called  
“Help!” he screamed again his voice breaking. Then he heard like a guardian angel.  
“What are you doing, leave him alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who it is yelling at Charles. ANGELICA. WORK!


	3. The Schuyler Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy get to know John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry.

Angelica sat by the creek. Her feet dangling in the water. Eliza was collecting pebbles to skip across the water. Peggy splashed through the puddles shouting happily. Her father and Mother were back at their campsite. Angelica closed her eyes enjoying the woods. Her and her sisters were home schooled so, they had been able to do a lot of traveling with her parents. It was her first time in South Carolina, It was her forty third state, that left seven. The states grew less and less countries after their trip to London last month. South CArolina was nothing compared to Greece, but the woods here were beautiful. Then she heard a scream.  
“Help! Somebody, Help!”She was immediately on her feet. Eliza looked up to her dark hair swinging “What was that?” she asked her voice soft and scared.  
“It sounded like a kid.” Angelica said worry creeping into her voice. “We better go see.”  
“Peggy stay here, if we don’t come back go get Daddy.” Eliza commanded. Peggy nodded vigorously, water droplets falling off her frizzy ponytail.  
The ran toward the trail.  
“Help! Somebody! Please! Help!” She heard it again. A little kid lay on the trail, his reddish brown curly hair pulled in a ponytail, his green backpack was dropped a few feet up the trail, he wore a red hoodie, his sneakers were dirty, scuffed with mud, his dark green eyes were pooling with tears, a few already were slipping down his freckled face. Three, tall big, boys stood over the kid. They were probably in ninth grade or, two years older than seventh grader Angelica.  
“What are you doing, leave him alone.” Angelica shouted as loud as she could. The boys turned and looked at her. Angelica gave them her best, you are the scum of mankind, go die in a hole stare. The boys turned and ran off.  
“Next time, Laurens, you’ll pay.” The biggest of the boys called as they ran away. The little kid tried to wipe away his tears, but more were pouring out of his eyes. He inched toward his backpack.  
“Hey.” Eliza called to the kid, “Are you okay?” The kid said something that sounded like I’m fine but it was distorted by sobs and shaky breath.  
“Eliza, go back to the creek and get the first aid kit, bring Peggy.”  
“Are you sure?” Eliza asked, Angelica nodded and Eliza ran off. She walked over to the boy, carefully as if approaching a wounded wild animal. She stuck her hand out in greeting.  
“My name is Angelica Schuyler.”  
“I’m John Laurens.” he said hesitantly, he had managed to stop crying and his eyes were damp, he had a fading bruise on his left cheek. He took her hand and she pulled him up.  
“Why was that kid bothering you?” Angelica prompted.  
“He doesn’t like my father.” he said.  
“Were you trying to defend your father.” Angelica asked gently.  
“No.” He spat, “I hate him more than Charles does.” The boys tone was harsh, filled with true hatred. She also noted the older kids name, Charles. Angelica took another glance at the bruise on his cheek.  
“Are you sure you're okay?”  
“Fine” he said, tilting his knee from side to side. “I’ve had worse injuries.” again Angelica had to stop herself from glancing at the bruise on his cheek.  
“We brought the first aid kit.” Peggy cried triumphantly, “What happened to him?”  
“Don’t be rude.” Eliza scolded.  
“These are my sisters, Eliza-”  
“And Peggy.” Peggy added.  
“This is John Laurens.” Angelica said. The girls waved and John gave a small wave back.  
“What grade are you in?” Angelica asked.  
“Fifth.” John whispered.  
“But those guys were in like, eighth or ninth, what are the doing picking on you.” Eliza asked incredulously. Angelica knew Eliza was the kind of person who didn’t understand that some people were total jerks. “I’m only in sixth, I’m homeschooled though, so I’ve never had to deal with older kids.”  
“I’m in third.” Peggy added.  
“Seventh.” Angelica said. Eliza handed Angelica the first aid kit. Eliza unwrapped a bandaid, Angelica put Neosporin on John’s knee.  
“There you go.” Eliza smiled, “You’re all set.”  
“Thanks.” he said. “I need to go my Father will be angry if i’m late the boy said rubbing his cheek. Without another word John sprinted down the path.  
“He was weird.” Peggy commented.  
“Don’t be rude, Eliza scolded. She glanced at Angelica nervously.  
“Come on guys, let’s go back to the campsite.”

Later it the RV Angelica told the story of John to her Dad.  
“What did you say his last name was.” her dad asked.  
“John Laurens.”  
“Laurens.” her father spat. “We are in South Carolina it could be…”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I knew Henry Laurens, the Laurens’ are like us, wealthy and politically powerful. But Henry Laurens, is more…….Republican, no that’s not the right word, he’s more…...Well he’s racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, ethnocentric, against equal rights, and…... well name anything that makes people not a straight, white, christian, man and he’s against it.”  
“Whoa.” Angelica said.  
“He walks around like it’s the 1700s. He hasn’t always, he used to be a lot better, but after his wife died…….” he trailed off, “The rumors about things he say and does to John…….” He trailed off again. “That poor boy.”  
“I want to see if he’s alright.”  
“You could go back to the path tomorrow or the school and try to find him.”  
“I’ll see what Eliza says. Could we maybe leave Peggy here.”  
“Sure.” her dad said with a light chuckle.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

The next day Angelica waited at the same spot they had seen John before.  
“I hope he’s okay.” Eliza mummered.  
“If that Charles kid shows up I’m Punching him.” Angelica muttered  
“What?” Eliza asked.  
“Nothing.”  
Soon they saw two figures approaching. One was a little girl, the other a boy, she thought it might by John, but as he drew closer she realized it wasn’t John. The boy looked a little younger than John and had no ponytail. A little girl held the boys hand. She guessed they were John’s brother and sister.  
“Hello.” She said waving. The little girl waved back, the boy didn’t.  
“We’re looking for John Laurens, do you know him?” the boy raised an eyebrow, but the little girl answered first.  
“John is our brother, I’m Martha this is James.” James glared at Martha, but she didn’t notice.  
“Angelica.”  
“Eliza.” the girls added. “We saw him here yesterday being chased by older kids.”  
“John is home sick today.” James said then he took his sister and pulled her away ending the conversation.  
“Sick?” Eliza asked Angelica.  
“Maybe we should go to his house.” 

They waited till Martha and James were off the path then followed. At the end of the path just before it lead into the Laurens’ front law. They left the path and followed the tree line to the backyard. In the backyard there was a small pond, With a bench at its shore.  
On one of the benches there was a figure in a hoodie, a red hoodie, and Angelica knew it was John.  
“There he is.” Eliza whispered.  
“What do we do now.”  
“It was your plan.”  
“Just go up to him I guess.”  
The two girls crossed the yard toward him. He didn't look at them. He kept his head down his face hidden by his hood. She could here now that she was closer that he was crying.  
“John.” Angelica whispered. John didn't look up.  
“What are you doing here?” He whispered his voice was quiet and hard to hear through his tears. “Go away.”  
“John,”Eliza tried.  
“Leave me alone.” He said before he was overcame by another sob.  
“Hey, John look at me.” Angelica said trying to sound comforting.  
“No.”  
“John.” He turned and faced her. Angelica gasped. Eliza cover her mouth. Angelica saw tears pooling in her sister's eyes. She felt the building in her own. He had a terrible bruise, on his eye. The kind that made it red, not the red of crying to long, but red, red, a purple yellow bruise spread outward from his eye. His other eye was normal, only a little red from crying.  
“I said leave me alone.” He said in a murderous whisper.  
“Oh my God, John, what happened to you.” Eliza asked. He turned away.  
“Did those guys come back and do this to you.” Eliza gasped the thought terrifying her.  
“No.” He said choking on his tears.  
“Your Father.” Angelica whispered.  
“No he wouldn't.” Eliza said a tear slipping out from her eye.  
“He did.” John snapped. Eliza shook her head, trying to clear the thought. “He hates me.”  
“Why would a Father hate his own son.” Eliza asked, fully crying now.  
“He told me I was weak. He told me that a real man shouldn't let himself be pushed around. He said no son of his can be so weak. He said no son of his can let himself be saved by anyone, by a woman.” He paused choking again. Angelica’s heart thumped, this was her fault. “He said I don't deserve to be loved, just like he said when Mama died. When I told her…..” his broke. “When I told her….” he couldn't seem to get the words out. “When I told her that I'm gay. He hated me. He hates me. He wishes I didn't exist. He blames me for Mama. He…He….He…..” he broke down sobbing and Angelica and Eliza hugged him.  
“John I'm so sorry.” They girls both whispered.  
“You need to tell someone.” Angelica couldn't imagine growing up unloved, motherless, beaten, and lonely. John held so much pain. More pain than anyone should need to experience, in their whole lives, and John was only ten. They sat there crying. Holding John has he told them everything about his life. Angelica found herself crying. Then she got an idea.  
“John, your father could go to jail for this.”  
“No, we can’t tell anyone.”  
“If I leave all his anger will go, to James and Henry and Martha, and Mary. I can't see them go through that.Martha’s the only one who knows Father hits.”  
“John you could…”  
“No.”  
Angelica pulled out her phone and took a picture of John’s eye.  
“If you change your mind, make sure you have evidence. Take a picture of every bruise. Promise me, okay.” He nodded. She gave him her cell phone number. “Tell us everything, we’ll be there for you.”  
“Thank you.” He whispered.  
“John get inside!.” Called a voice, a girl's, Martha probably.  
“I need to go.” He said, pulling his hood back up. “Thank you.”  
“Goodbye John.”  
“Goodbye” he called running toward the house wiping away the last of his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John is the best I hope the best for him, but this is just the beginning.


	4. Martha Laurens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jump in time. John graduates from high school and plans to move to New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Martha Laurens. She is awesome.

John Laurens made his way to school. On the bus. He and the other children were no longer aloud in the woods. John wasn't allowed to talk to anyone while he had the bruise on his eye. His siblings weren't allowed to see him. Martha had secretly talked with him, but John didn't tell her what happened. He had stayed home all weak, the bruise had faded a little, but John was still instructed to keep his head down.   
He stood at his locker. He was grabbing his lunch money, but his locker was Jammed. He yanked and it finally shook open. John grabbed his money from the front pouch of his backpack. Then he became aware of a presence, Charles.   
“What do you want?” John sighed  
“Why weren't you in school, scrapped knees aren't a reason to stay home. Everyone else comes to school when they get a little scratch.” Charles sounded angry. John played his best card. He turned around, his eye still looked scary, bloodshot and surrounded in yellow and purple. Charles sputtered for a second.  
“I didn't do that.” He said putting his palms up defensively.  
“No but it's the reason why you should have listened when I told you my father didn't care.”   
“Laurens, did your father…….” he gestured helplessly at his face, “do that to,you.” John nodded. Charles stood there just staring at him.   
“Ah man, I'm so sorry. But why would he?”  
“Because he’s a homophobe, like the king of them.”  
“Oh, you’re…….”  
“Ya”   
“He found out the day my mother died. I told her and he heard. He would tell me I didn't deserve to be loved, he blamed me, for everything.”  
“You should tell someone.”  
“I can't. I need to protect my brothers and sisters.”   
“Man you’re one tough cookie.”   
“Did you just call me a tough cookie.”  
“Well you are.”  
“Please never compare me to stale pastries ever again.  
Charles laughed. John smiled.  
“I really sorry Laurens, really.”  
“It's fine.”  
John was pleased that went a lot better than he thought. He headed to the library for lunch, if he hurried he might be able to finish reading 51 Amazing Turtles.   
………………………………………………………………………………...  
John was a senior in high school. He had nearly perfect grades and he was bruise free for the graduation ceremony. He was bouncing with excitement. He was eighteen in October, but everyone else in his grade was already eighteen, except for a few like him. He had told his father he was going to University of South Carolina, John had applied there and had gotten in. But John was moving to New York to attend University. He couldn’t wait. The Schuyler’s had offered to let him stay at there house till he could find an apartment. He was to leave the night after graduation.  
His father didn’t expect it. John had been much better lately, or at least acted like he was better. Father couldn’t read John’s mind. He still got in trouble, but not as often as when he was little. His phone buzzed in his pocket.   
Angelica: R U excited?  
John: Can’t wait!  
Eliza: We can’t wait to see you!   
(and)Peggy: We have a gift waiting for u  
Eliza: Don’t tell him, Peggy!  
John: What if I trip on the robe and fall on my face.  
(and)Peggy: Get it go video and send it to me a go viral on youtube  
Eliza: Be nice  
(and)Peggy: It’s not in my blood  
Angelica: The three of us are literally sitting next to each other this is pathetic  
(and)Peggy: John is in SC he can’t hear us so we type it  
Eliza: For once I agree with Peg.  
Angelica: It’s still sad.  
John: I have to go  
John: See you later  
Angelica: Bye  
Eliza: Bye   
(and)Peggy  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
John graduated, he caught his diploma and packed it safely in his suitcase. The plane ticket the Schuyler's had baught him safely in his wallet. It was midnight, the time he was supposed to leave. Yet something held him back. He wanted to say goodbye. He had an email ready to send to his father. But his siblings, they would have no idea what happened. He knew his leaving was going to hurt Martha. She looked up to him the most. If Father ever raised a hand against Martha, John didn’t know what he could do. He had to say goodbye. He crept down the hall to Martha’s room.   
He shook her shoulder.   
“Martha.” he whispered. He shook her shoulder again. “Martha.” she rolled over groggily.   
“What?” she said blinking the sleep out of her eyes.   
“Hey.” John whispered again.   
“John, what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing, I wanted to say goodbye.”   
“Goodbye? Where are you going?”  
“I’m sort of running away.”  
“John?”  
“There’s a family in New York that says I can stay with them till I find a place to live.”  
“John, is this because of Dad.” she asked her voice soothing. John dropped her gaze.  
“I can’t live like this anymore.”  
“John, what are you hiding? I know you have some secret Dad hates you for. Something you told Mom.”  
“It’s nothing, Martha.”  
“It clearly isn’t John, stop lying to me, what’s your secret?”   
“I’m homosexual.” John said. Martha blinked at him.   
“John, I have a secret too.” John knew what she was going to say before her words came. “Me too.” John shot up frantically.   
“Does Father know.” she shook her head. “Martha you can’t let him treat you like dirt, like he treated me. You need to……” he trailed off he had no idea what to say to his sister. “I don’t now, just don’t let him make you hid.” his sister raised her eyebrows at him.   
“That’s awful hypocritical, coming from someone who let his father hit him.”  
“I didn’t let him hit me, I was trying to keep him from taking his anger out on you and Mary and Henry and James-”  
“John don’t blame us.”  
“I’m not.”  
“You could’ve gone to the police.”  
“They wouldn’t believe me, they practically work for Father.”   
“John, don’t forget your family.”  
“I won’t. I never could.”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you, too.”  
“I need to go.”  
“I’ll miss you.”   
“Me too.” he said waving one last goodbye to his beloved sister. As he crept out the window he waved one last goodbye to his childhood prison. He made his way to the bus station, and soon his little town faded into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay "Fun" fact, actually a sad fact, but not much in John's life is fun.  
> He was actually 16 when his mother died, but I made him six because I wanted him to think of the Schuyler's as his family from an early age.


	5. In New York You Can Be A New Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JOHN DOESN'T LIKE PLANES, HE IS SOCIALLY AWKWARD, HE IS AWESOME, HE MAKES NEW FRIENDS SOMEHOW.
> 
>  
> 
> I NEW YORK YOU CAN BE A NEW MAN.............................................................................................................

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John meets Laf and Herc. He is reunited with Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy.

“Now boarding flight 32b at gate five.” John stretched at stood, grabbing his suitcase and heading for the plane. Security had gone by fast. He had gotten through in about twenty minutes, there had been no flight delays, and he couldn't wait to get on the plane.   
“Boarding pass?” He handed it to the woman. “Enjoy your flight.” He nodded and dragged his suitcase behind him. It rumbled behind him as walked. He took his seat by the window in the sixth row. It was one of those planes with three seats in a row. John was a little nervous, but trying not to show it. He had never been on a plane. He had only been out of South Carolina once. He was also a little nervous about who would sit next to him. What if they knew his father? John also wasn't good with people had never really had friends before. He wasn't sure what friendship was. He looked nervously at the runway. He imagined how it would feel to going soaring up into the clouds. It made him feel sick. He closed the window and turned to face aisle. To boys we're putting their suitcases in the overhead compartment. They moved into the two seats next to him.  
“oui oui, mon ami, je m'appelle Lafayette.”  
“I am Hercules Mulligan.”   
“I'm John Laurens.”   
John didn't know what to say next. He had introduced himself, what was he supposed to do now?  
“Actually my name is Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de Marquis de Lafayette.” The first boy said. He had curly brown hair in a ponytail, darkish skin, and a heavy French accent.”But no one wants to say that.”

“I tried once and I got lost after Yves.” The other boy, Hercules, said. Hercules had darker skin then Lafayette’s and had no ponytail, btu was wearing a purple beanie for some reason. “I usually just call him Laf. He calls me Herc.”   
“People just call me John, I don't have a nickname. But some kids called me Laurens.”   
“Laurens,” Laf pondered, “sounds familiar. Any relation to Henry Laurens?” John winced, he hated that people would associate him with his father right away. Couldn't he meet someone who hadn't heard of his Father.  
“Ya, he’s my Father.”  
“Oh.” Herc said, John could hear the disappointment in his voice. John likEd Herc and Laf so far and he wanted them as friends. He wouldn't let his father ruin this.   
“We don't have a very good relationship though. That's kind of the reason I’m here.”   
“Not surprised. If I grew up with that kind of arrogant jerk…..” Laf said. “Sorry, I know he's your father and all, but……..”  
“I know, trust me I know. He's the worst.” The flight attendant began her speech, showing them where all the life saving supplies were, which didn't comfort John’s nerves. The rumble of the fast moving plane began. John clutched the armrests, his knuckles turning white. He felt like he was going to be sick as the plane rose in the air.   
“Are you okay?” Herc asked.   
“Fine.” John said through clenched teeth, “it's my first time on a plane.”  
“First time! I've been on a plane a million times going from France to America over and over.” Laf exclaimed.  
“Father didn't like to travel.” Herc nodded, Laf still looked mortified. But Herc shot him a look telling him to drop it.   
“Just breathe you’ll get used to it in a minute.”Herc soothed. John closed his eyes and tried to just breath. Soon he stopped feeling sick.   
“Thank you.” John whispered.  
“So what's bringing you to New York?” Laf asked.  
“Some of my friends, the Schuyler’s have been working to get me to New York for awhile. I just got accepted to college there. So here I am.”   
“You know the Schuyler's!” Laf exclaimed. “We go to college in New York with them. They’re the best, Angelica rules at debate club. Eliza’s really nice, and Peggy isn’t in college yet, so I don’t really know.”   
“Watch out for Peggy,” John laughed, “She loves to play pranks. One time Angelica told me that Peggy replaced all the frosting in some oreos with toothpaste and gave them out at her school.” The three boys laughed. By the time the plane landed John knew he had to new friends.”   
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..  
When he walked out of the airport they were waiting for him.   
“John!” they screeched.  
“Angelica! Eliza! Peggy!” he called. Each of them ran up and gave him a hug.   
“We haven’t seen you out of a phone screen in forever.” Peggy yelled. A couple people were looking at them strangely after all the yelling.   
“It’s so good to see you.” Eliza said.  
“It’s been, what? Seven almost eight years since we’ve seen you in person.?”   
“I think so. I missed you guys so much.” They started walking toward the car.   
“Our Dad is so excited to meet you.” Angelica said opening the car door. Peggy Eliza and John slid into the back. Angelica sat it the front next to her father/  
“So I finally meet the great John Laurens, my daughter have told me so much about you.” Mr. Schuyler said.  
“Hello” John said.   
“Are you excited for College?” he asked.  
“I can’t wait, this summer's going to kill me.”  
“Well we must try to make this summer as interesting as possible. We wouldn’t want to bury one of our guests.” Mr. Schuyler said jokingly.  
“So how was your flight?” Eliza asked.   
“That’s right that was your first time on a plane.” Peggy said.  
“It was okay. The people I sat with said they knew you.”  
“Really? Who?”   
“Two guys named, Hercules Mulligan, and Something Something Something Lafayette.”   
“Those guys, we know them, they’re kind of crazy.” Eliza said.  
“Kind of? They're the most insane people to ever live.” Angelica laughed.  
“Laf tried to impersonate a teacher.”   
“Hercules rode a horse into the library.”  
“Laf stole all of professor Washington's pens to keep him from grading tests.”  
“It’s a miracle they haven’t been expelled.” Angelica laughed. They all laughed.  
“We’re here.” Mr Schuyler said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phillip Schuyler comment about not wanting to bury a guest is foreshadowing.


	6. Turtle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JOHN HAS A TURTLE, THANKS PEGGY. THAT'S THE ONLY EVENT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this it is a very fluffy chapter.

Everything about the Schuyler’s manor was so different than John’s childhood home. Everything was bright and airy. It felt calm and accepting. Everyone's rooms were full of bright colors. John was jealous. Growing up here would have been so different.   
“John.” sang Peggy’s voice from outside the door. John was in the guestroom, his room for the summer. It was painted bright green. John’s favorite color, he wondered if that was a coincidence. “I have a surprise for you.”   
“What?” he asked. Peggy opened the door carrying something that was covered by a sheet. Angelica and Eliza followed her in. She plopped it down in the center of the room.   
“Behold your Welcome to New York gift.” She said. She uncovered the object with a flourish.   
“Ta da!!!” the three of them yelled. “Meet Shelly.”  
John couldn’t contain himself. He squealed.   
“A turtle.” He giggled a broad crazy grin spreading across his face. “I love turtles! It’s a painted turtle? I LOVE PAINTED TURTLES!” John hugged the three of them. John had always wanted a turtle. To be honest he thought a turtle was his spirit animal. He would never say that outloud though.   
“Thank you so much.” he was slightly embarrassed that he was seventeen and still freaked out about turtles, but it was a TURTLE. He crouched in front of the turtle.   
“Hey Shelly. I’m John.” the turtle looked at him through the glass like he was crazy.  
“You’re the best turtle ever.” he said. He hugged the girls again.  
“You guys are the best.”  
“Anything for our honorary Schuyler brother.” Angelica said. John felt tears in his eyes because they really were his family. They knew how much they meant to him.   
“I love you guys.” he said hugging them again. They all laughed. The rest of the night they all sat there playing with Shelly. John felt like he was a little kid again. For the first time he saw what it was like to have a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you the Fluff was extreme. Next chapter, we get Burr, Theo, Thomas, George Washington, James, John Adams, and lots of other people.


	7. Debate Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John goes to a debate club meeting. But when the debate gets a little too close to home, John realizes that he has a bigger problem than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I've been busy. Sorry for the bad debating in this chapter, I don't know how to debate.

The summer went by a to fast. John had spent all summer at the Schuyler’s, it was the best summer he had ever had. Now John was about to move into his dorm. He worried about who his roommates would be. He had his hand on the door nob. The Schuyler sisters had came to help him unpack. He opened the door.  
“Hello?” He called. A blur of curl brown ponytail flew toward him followed by a boy wearing a purple beanie.   
“Mon ami!” Laf cried.  
“It’s good to see you.” Herc said.  
“You guys are my roommates?”John asked.  
“Yup, it's a small world.” Laf laughed.   
“Speaking of small worlds.” Said a third boy coming out of one of the bedrooms. “Our roommate here also knows the Schuyler Sisters.”  
“Nobody asked you, Burr.” Laf said. The boy ignored the comment. “Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy, it's so good to see you.”  
“Hello Aaron.” Eliza waved.  
“Burr.” Angelica said.   
“How do you guys all know each other?” John asked.   
“Our school has one of the best debate clubs, we're all on the team.” Burr said.  
“You should join, our would love it?” Eliza said. “Professor Washington runs the club and he's the best.”  
“The best.” Laf echoed.   
“I guess I'll have to join then.” John said. 

A little later the Schuyler’s left. John had most of his clothes unpacked. Shelly sat in her cage on the desk.He had the same green blankets from the Schuyler’s house on his bed. Laf walked in the room.  
“Dude is that a turtle?” Laf asked.  
“Yeah.” John said.   
“Does it bite?.” Laf asked.  
“Nah, Shelly’s a sweetheart.” John said pulling her out of the cage, “Who's the best turtle? You are.” John said petting Shelly’s shell.  
“You named your turtle Shelly?”  
“Peggy did actually, the name kind of stuck.” John said still petting the turtle. Laf nodded.   
“You excited for the start of the year?” Laf asked. John nodded enthusiastically.   
“I've waited all summer. I don't think I could be more ready.” Laf nodded he looked like he wanted to ask something else, but wasn’t sure how to bring it up. He started to say something, but stopped and shook his head.  
“Nevermind.” Laf said and left the room. John wished he knew what that meant. He wished he knew what his friend was going to ask.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
It was the first day of october, meaning it was 28 days till his birthday. It also marked John’s 16th Debate Club meeting. He walked into the lecture hall they use to meet. He went to go take his usual seat. The seating went like this. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Samuel Seabury, Theodosia Prevost, Aaron Burr, Hercules Mulligan, Lafayette, John Laurens, Angelica Schuyler, Eliza Schuyler, And Peggy(Who came sometimes to watch after her school day was over.)   
“Alright everyone, we have a lot of work to do today. So listen up.” Professor Washington called. Everyone stopped talking and faced him. Professor Washington was everyone's favorite, he was a military veteran, he taught Political Science, he was in charge of debate club, he was also the counselor because he was very good at helping stressed students, and he hated the principal as much as the students did.   
“I am very excited to inform you we have our first debate against another team in a week.” Washington announced. Excited murmurs filled the room.   
“Okay so we're going to start with a mock debate. Thomas and James on one side and Angelica and John on the other.” John took his place next to Angelica on Professor Washington’s left. He had gone against Thomas and his boyfriend, James before. They were good, but James was much weaker than Thomas.  
“Your topic is should Political Candidates personal lives be involved in their campaign. Thomas and James will take pro, Angelica and John will take con. Thomas and James your introduction.”  
“A political candidate's personal life is often a great way to measure their ability to lead in government.” James said glancing nervously and Thomas, “Often a candidate can be understood better by voters if they can learn the candidate story.” James looked nervously at Thomas who was biting his lip. “Voters can often grow suspicious if little about the candidate is known.” Angelica smiled ready to counter. John known Angelica did think personal life should be a factor, but she loved disagreeing with Thomas.   
“James I believe you are mistaken, it is never that little is known about the candidate it is that the candidate is not willing to share. If the candidate does not want to share they often have a reason. Often an opposing candidate will use their personal life against them. People can make mistakes it’s part of human nature, but it is also human nature to judge someone on their past. We need to allow candidates to share who they are now not who they used to be.” Angelica said. Thomas began his rebuttal.  
“We don’t have to measure them on their past, but measuring them on their present lives outside of the camigane is essential. We need to know what their character is like, not what they say on camera, not their carefully scripted speeches, what they do on a day to day basis.” Thomas said. That meant it was John’s turn, but this subject was too close to home.He could see his father campaigning, remembered himself hiding when cameras came to see Henry’s children. John took a deep breath.  
“While it is a good way of judging a canidates character, it can be very damaging to the family. It puts the family under too much pressure to be perfect. It makes them afraid of hurting their family member. It cause too much stress in the family members. Because how they are viewed can change the candidate's success. That is too much pressure to put on a…” his voice broke because now he didn’t see the room in he was in. He saw his father's hand heading toward him. He saw his tears and his father's anger. “Little kid. It is too much for them to need to act like they are perfect. To act like their family member never makes mistakes. To not be themselves.” he was stuttering now he saw the first tear slip out. He was shaking all over. “To be punished for that.” John couldn’t take it. All he saw over and over was his father’s hand, over and over. He ran out of the hall clutching his head as if he could rip out the pain. He saw the confused look on the members faces. He heard the murmurs that filled the room, but he ran out anyway.   
“John!” he heard Angelica call. She was right behind him. John plopped down on the steps leading to the lecture hall. The fresh air helped a little bit. He didn’t see Henry Laurens in front of him anymore.   
“John!” Angelica called again.  
“John!” another voice called, it was Eliza. Then they were both at his side. He was crying and they hugged him. Just like he was a little ten year old again. Just like when his eye was bruised and they had held him as he cried. They were her for him now. He managed to get his voice under control.  
“I see him. I see him when something reminds me of their. I see him when I do something wrong. I see him in my dreams, my nightmares. I see him all the time. He’s miles away, but I still can’t get away from him.”  
“It's okay John he can’t hurt you here.” Eliza soothed.  
“Then why is he wherever I go? Why can’t I get him out.” He wanted to scream, but he could only manage a whisper.   
“John, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” Angelica tried.  
“No I’m not he’s always going to be there watching me judging me. I can’t escape. No matter how far I run he’ll always be their. I can’t escape. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”   
“Shhh…” he said. “It’s okay, just focus on your friends.” John did thinking of them in his head, his friends, the family he chose. Then he remembered his poor little sister. What was happening to her right now.  
“I left my little sister alone, I made her have to deal with him. What if she’s not okay.”  
“She’ll be fine.” Eliza said.  
“It’s my fault. Everything's my fault. I don’t deserve friends.”  
“No John you can’t let yourself believe your Father. He’s so wrong about you. You are the kindest, nicest, friendliest person ever, and if anyone deserves friends it’s you.” They sat their for awhile, the three of them.   
“I think I should see Professor Washington.” John said, “He’s the counselor I think he could figure out what’s wrong, why I can’t get him out.” The girls nodded.   
“Will alway be here for you, John.” Eliza said.  
“Always.” Angelica said, “because you're our brother, and you can’t leave family behind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are very close to the arrival of Alexander. Maybe one or two chapters.


	8. PTSD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John turns to Professor George Washington for help. John finds out he has PTSD. Also JOHN'S BIRTHDAY.  
> HAPPY BIRTDAY JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111(October 28)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so...........I have no clue what to write in here.

John stood in front of Professor Washington’s office. He was a little bit scared to knock. Knocking would mean he would need to recount his childhood. He didn’t want to remember he wanted it to be forgotten. He gathered up his courage and knocked.  
“Who is it?” called Professor Washington’s voice.  
“It’s John Laurens, I was wondering if I could speak to you.” Professor Washington opened the door.  
“John, I was hoping I would see you.”  
“I’m really sorry about what happened at debate club.”  
“I’m not mad, just worried, I am the counselor after all, your mental health is my responsibility.” John didn’t like the way that was phrased it made it sound like he wasn’t mentally healthy. Professor Washington ushered him into a leather arm chair.  
“So something in that debate triggered your panic. My job is to figure out what that is.”  
“Sir I believe I already know what caused it.”  
“Really?”  
“My father.”  
“Your father? What about him.”  
“My father, Henry Laurens, he’s a large political figure in South Carolina, where I grew up.”  
“I know who your Father is. I meant what about him made you panic.”  
“Just him.” John said his voice breaking. “He’s always watching me, no matter how far I go, I can’t get away from him.”  
“But why would you need to?”  
“He’s terrible, He hates me, ever since my mother died….” John told Professor Washington everything. He watched Washington’s grow sadder and sadder at the story. John felt the silent tears slipping out of his eyes. He could never tell the story without crying. He hated that.  
“Son.” Professor Washington sighed when John was done. “I’m so sorry.” the man was silent for a moment. “You are one of the strongest people I have ever met. I don’t know how you were able to live like that for so long.”  
“So what can I do?”  
“Son, I believe you have PTSD.”  
“Post traumatic stress disorder?”  
“Yes.” The Professor confirmed. John breathed in sharply.  
“I thought that’s something war veterans get.”  
“Any kind of war veterans can get it. It is common against war veterans. But also among people who have fought different wars. Any traumatic experience. Son, you’ve been fighting a war since you were six. A war to be yourself.”  
“How do I get rid of it?”  
“There’s no cure really, no definite one anyone, talk to people, don’t caught yourself off from society. Make sure you tell people, try to make them understand.”  
“How do I do that if I don’t understand?” Professor Washington gave a bitter chuckle.  
“It’s going to be a hard year, but you’ll figure it out, son.”  
“Thank you.” John said.  
After he left the office John called Angelica and Eliza and told them what Washington had said. They promised to tell Peggy the news.  
He arrived at his dorm. When he walked in Laf, Herc, and Aaron were all sitting there looking overly casual. Aaron looked a little guilty like they had just been talking about him and stopped as he walked in the room.  
“Hey” Laf said  
“Hey.” John said  
“Hey.” Herc said  
“Hey.” John said  
“Hey.” Aaron said  
“Okay um…..bye?” John said. He knew he was supposed to tell his roommates, but he couldn’t get up the courage. His roommates didn’t know any of his secrets. He didn’t know why he hadn’t told them about his father, about being gay, and now having PTSD.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
The next few weeks were relatively quiet. John had nightmares every night. But he didn’t tell his roommates. He went to sessions with Professor Washington once a week. He almost forgot the his birthday.  
“John!” Someone screamed in his ear. John sat up from a nightmare thinking he was in South Carolina, but then he recognized the faces. His friends. Herc, Laf, Aaron, Aaron’s girlfriend Theo short for Theodosia, Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy.  
“Happy Birthday!” The all shouted and began to sing. John laughed. They were all crazy. “Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear John, Happy Birthday to you.”  
“Thanks guys.” John said.  
“Can we get food now?” Herc asked  
“Let’s go.” Laf cried. They all herded John, still in his pajamas out the door. They went to a cafe near the campus that made really good waffles. They all sat at one big table. Apparently, it had been planned because there was a “happy eightieth.” balloon on the table.  
“Okay so we're probably just gonna stick some candles in a waffle and call it a cake.” Herc laughed.  
“Waffles are better than cake.” John said. Infact all of this was better than a cake, because it was the first birthday he had celebrated since he was six.  
“Okay.” Angelica said silencing the group. “I know I said no presents, but I broke the rules and bought John something.”  
“No fair! That makes us look like bad roommates.” Laf yelled. “It was are job to break the rules and by him something, and we just got shown up.”  
“Yeah!” Herc called. “Being the only ones to get him something was supposed to make our present look better!” Herc called. John was laughing hysterically.  
“Wait you guys all got him something?” Burr said, “That makes me look really bad.”  
“Don’t worry Aaron, I got it covered.” she said pulling out a wrapped package.  
“We suck at following rules.” Peggy laughed. Then the were all laughing.  
“Okay who wants to go first?” Angelica laughed. “We’re saving ours for the finale.” Herc pulled out a crumpled, brown lunch bag.  
“I don’t know how to rap things.” Herc said. John opened the bag.  
“Yes!” John yelled, “Quarters!”  
“Quarters?” Theo asked “What’s so good about Quarters?”  
“Because this is like a month's worth of laundry! Thank you guys so much.”  
“My turn.” Theo said, she gave the box to John, he opened it inside was a snow globe, inside was a turtle wearing a santa and ice skates.  
“That is awesome, Theo!”  
“I know it’s not Christmas time yet, but I thought it was adorable.”  
“Are you kidding, it’s the best.”  
“Our turn finally.” Peggy said.  
“Okay John do you remember that shirt we showed you over the summer.” Angelica said.  
“We found it at a store near here.” Eliza giggled, she handed him the box. “John unwrapped it. Inside was a black T-shirt with a turtle waving a rainbow flag on it. John went totally red. They knew he hadn’t told his roommates, why would they do this? He didn’t care the shirt was awesome. He burst out laughing. He buried his face in the table. Eliza, Angelica, and Peggy were laughing just as hard.  
“What is it?” Aaron asked. John was as red as a tomato.  
“It’s John summarized in a shirt.” Peggy said through her giggling. John took his face out of the table.  
“Thank you, guys so much.” He was still completely red. But had managed to gain control of his voice to say that. “Thank you all, this was the best birthday ever.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Aaron sat on the couch in their dorm. He was studying. John sat there too, typing away. John looked tired. Laf and Herc had been worried about him lately too. He was always so stressed. Sometimes they would see him staring blankly into space as if he were in another time. So Aaron wasn't surprised when he saw John asleep on the couch. His computer was still open. Aaron closed it for him. He checked his watch. 11:30 was it really 11:30? Aaron figured he should go to bed. He began to drift off at about 12:00 and it wasn’t till hours later that he heard screaming.  
“No! Stop! Please! Father.” Aaron heard the voice. It was coming from the common room. He hurried in to find John there, he was asleep, thrashing around wildly.  
“Mama, no. Father please.” He saw the tears coming from John eyes.  
“Hercules, Lafayette! Something's wrong with John.” He yelled. In a few minutes they came running in.  
“No. No. No. No. Father, please, someone, help.” He was crying much harder now his cheeks stained with tears.  
“What's wrong with him.” Laf yelled.  
“I don’t know.” Aaron said panicked.  
“Father! Stop, please, please, please.”  
“He just started screaming like this.”  
“Mama don't go, you can't. Father please. Stop. Stop. No. No. No.” Lafayette raced over. He grabbed John's hand.  
“John. John. John!” He yelled. John’s eyes opened, they were filled with an animal like terror. He didn't seem to see Laf in front of him.  
“No Father. No, stop, please.” He was still yelling, tears pouring from his eyes.  
“Hey. Hey. John calm down. You're safe.” Laf soothed.  
“No. No. No. No.” John said. His voice was filled with panic he didn't seem to see anyone.  
“Mama you can’t go. You can't have left. He's going to kill me.” He screamed. Lafayette was terrified. He had never seen fear like the fear in John’s eyes.”  
“John, it's me Lafayette. No one's going to hurt you.” John eyes were still panicked, but now there was a little bit of recognition.  
“No.” John said again.  
“John calm down.” John's seemed to realize where he was. He was still crying. Crying without even noticing. Strands were hanging out of his ponytail, and he looked around as if he thought someone was watching him. He looked crazy.  
“I'm sorry.” John said, “ I’m sorry.” He got to his feet.  
“John, what happened?” Laf tried to grab his arm, but John shook him off. John ran out the door and into the night.  
……………………………………………………………………………………..  
Professor Washington sat in his office. It was very late. He shouldn't have been working this late. But there was so much work to do. He rubbed his eyes trying to keep himself awake. Then the phone rang. Washington was confused. No one would call this late.  
“Hello?” He said into the phone.  
“Professor, thank god you answered.” The voice on the other end sounded panicked.  
“Who is this?”  
“It’s Lafayette from debate club.”  
“Is there something wrong?”  
“Yes, my roommate, John, woke some of us up, he was screaming in his sleep.”  
“Nightmares are one of his symptoms, didn't he tell you that.”  
“What?”  
“Nightmares are one of his symptoms he experiences them almost as much as his flashbacks.”  
“His what?” Laf said. Then George realized, John hadn't told them. He had promised to tell his friends and he didn't.  
“He didn't tell you did he?”  
“Tell us what?”  
“John has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”  
“John has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Why wouldn't he tell us?” Lafayette asked. “Why would he run off?”  
“Run off?”  
“After he woke up, he ran out, we couldn't find him.”  
“Oh no that isn't good……” someone banged on his office door. The professor opened it. There he was John Laurens. He stood there trembling covered in tears. He looked so young.  
“It's okay he's here. He just showed up.”  
“Thank God.” Lafayette sighed, “Is he okay?”  
“He's fine. He needs to talk. Hang on.” Washington put the phone down. He hugged the boy.  
“Son.” He whispered, “Why didn't you tell them?”  
“I couldn't tell the story again. I didn't want them to see me differently. I didn't want to drag them into this.”  
“But it made it worse.”  
“So much worse. Every time I close my eyes. I'm a little kid again. I'm being controlled by him. He's there all the time. I want him out.”  
“Son, you needed to tell them.”  
“I'm sorry.”  
“Come on.” The professor said. “You can't walk out alone on the streets this late. I’ll drive you.” John nodded. They stood in front of the door. John walked in.  
“John!” His roommates screamed. The hugged him. John began to cry. He sat on the couch and told them everything. About his mother dying, and what he had told her. About how his father treated him. About how he'd been bullied. About meeting the Schuyler’s. About his sister. About running away. About panicking in the debate club meeting. About being diagnosed with PTSD. About all the nightmares and flashbacks that plagued him. He told the everything.  
“John.” Lafayette whispered.  
“Man.” Herc said.  
“How…?” Burr asked.  
“Can we talk about this later I’d really like to get some sleep.” They let him go. And that night John didn't have another nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so eight chapters in!!!!!!! That's great!! It's eight chapters in and ALEXANDER still isn't in this story. A story marked as a Lams fanfic, but 8 CHAPTERS. It was a really long winded way of saying John's childhood was the worst. Okay so as I promised here he is ALEXANDER HAMILTON. Also my notes from other chapters keeping randomly popping up. Sorry about that.


	9. Boom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALEXANDER HAMILTON is finally here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's here. Finally I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!1

It was the last debate club meeting before Thanksgiving break and everyone was restless. John couldn’t help feeling jealous and everyone was talking about their plans with their families. John was going to spend Thanksgiving with the Schuyler's. The meeting hadn’t started yet so everyone was still roaming around. He, Herc and Laf had just arrived Aaron had already been there for a while.  
“Yo Laurens!” Someone called. John turned around to see Thomas Jefferson behind him, his boyfriend, James Madison stood behind him as usual.  
“Hey Thomas.” John said enthusiastically rolling his eyes. Laf and herc snickered.  
“Hey Jefferson.” Laf said shaking Thomas’ hand, which was some old joke together. Thomas had been an exchange student in France and had stayed with Laf’s family. When Laf had been an exchange student in the US he had stayed with the Jefferson’s. James waved too. James never said much. John found that weird, because Thomas was so outspoken.  
“John you’re friends with Angelica, right?” John nodded. “Tell her I’m not writing a revision to my article, I meant man like mankind and she didn’t need to write a four page email yelling at me.”  
“Um…..Okay?” John said.  
“What did Angelica do now?” Herc asked.  
“I don’t really want to know.” John laughed. John’s eyes drifted across the room. His eyes landed on someone he had never seen before. A boy who was talking to Burr. He waved his hands wildly as he spoke. The boy had long dark hair pulled in a low ponytail.  
“Who’s that talking to Burr?” John asked. Laf and Herc followed his gaze.  
“I don’t know.” Laf said. They boy turned his way and he saw his eyes. They were beautiful. Dark and shining with intelligence. He looked Latin American maybe. Looking at him John felt himself blush. Laf smirked seeing his face.  
“Somebody has a crush.” Laf sang in a teasing voice.  
“Ooooooo.” Herc laughed.  
“Shut up.” John said still totally red.  
“Let’ go say hi, and save the poor kid from Burr.”  
“What!? No” Herc and Laf began to push him toward Burr and the boy.  
“Hey.” Burr said he turned to the boy. “These are my roommates.” He turned to them. “Introduce yourselves.”  
“I’m John Laurens.” John said. The boy's was looking directly at him and it made it really hard to focus.  
“Oui oui, mon ami, je m'appelle Lafayette.”  
“I am Hercules Mulligan.”  
“Alexander Hamilton.” The boy, Alexander said. Alexander. Alexander. Alexander. John said the name over and over in his head. He loved it.  
“What brings you to our debate club meeting?”  
“I just moved here from Blank. I'm joining debate club.”  
“Cool, we’re a pretty good team, maybe a little too good at fighting each other.” The boys laughed.  
“Okay everyone take your seats.” Professor Washington called. John sat next to Angelica.  
“The new guy is cute.” Eliza muttered.  
“I know right.” Angelica agreed  
“Yeah.” John sighed meaning to say it in his head.  
“Oh no.” Eliza said. “We can all like the same guy. No sibling fights over guys.”  
“Let's make a deal.” Angelica giggled. “Me and Eliza will fight over him, and if he's gay John gets him.” The three of them giggled. John realized at that moment he was wearing the turtle rainbow flag T-shirt. Well that was one way to drop a hint.  
“Everyone we have a new member.” The professor said gesturing toward Alexander. “This is Alexander Hamilton.” the boy waved. “You can sit next to John and Angelica they’ll explain things to you. They moved down to make room for him. John looked down to hide his blush.  
“Okay since it's your first time Alexander why don’t you watch one first.”  
“It's fine, sir I’ve participated in debates before.” Alexander said standing up.  
“Okay then, how about you show the team what you got. Any volunteers?” Thomas’s hand shot up.  
“I'll do it.” The two boys faced each other ready to debate. Professor Washington nodded.  
“Your topic is what should we do with the US debt, how should when lessen it and what should we be putting our money towards? Speak from the heart.” The debate began. Thomas began he talked for awhile. John didn't pay attention to what Thomas was saying. He was too busy watching Alexander’s face.He smiled at some parts as if he were listening to an angnoranot child. Other times he shook his head and glared. Then Alexander began to talk. He told his ideas and then proceeded to dispute each of Thomas’s points. He talked very animatedly waving his hands widely, he talked so fast it was scary. At the end of the debate Thomas was red in the face. Everyone sat stunted the burst into applause. Professor Washington declared Alexander the winner. Thomas stalked back to his seat.  
“After the break were going to have team debates. You will be in three groups of four. You will also be against teams from the schools other two debate clubs. The top three teams will represent our school in the biggest debate event of the year, the national college debate tournament. I have your teams posted on the door. Have a good break!” Everyone ran toward the door. His heart flip flopped as he read the names.  
1.Thomas Jefferson  
James Madison  
Lafayette  
Hercules Mulligan

2\. Aaron Burr  
Theodosia Prevost  
John Adams  
Samuel Seabury 

3\. Angelica Schuyler  
Elizabeth Schuyler  
John Laurens  
Alexander Hamilton 

Angelica smiled.  
“This is going to be a piece of cake.” She laughed.  
“Don’t underestimate the other teams.” Eliza scolded.  
“But Burr, Theo, John A, and Sam are all on one team.” John laughed. Angelica high fived him. Eliza rolled her eyes. Alexander came up to them.  
“Since we're all on a team together we should probably practice over break.  
“Sure.” John said, “We should meet at the Schuyler’s me, Angelica, and Eliza will be there over break anyway.” He nodded.  
“Can I have your numbers so we can arrange a time to meet.” They nodded. Each of them gave Alexander their numbers.  
“Thanks.” Alexander said. He ran off.  
“That boy is smooth.” Angelica laughed, “He just asked for all three of our numbers at once.”  
John laughed, “He really did.” Eliza giggled too.  
“That’s pretty impressive, considering we met him twenty minutes ago.”  
The three of them giggled.  
“Come on, Peggy will kill us if we're late.” Eliza said. The three of them began their walk through the city to the bus station that would bring them nearest to the Schuyler’s house.Eliza put a dollar in a street performer's case.  
“I wonder what it was like before the pigeons.” She said.  
“What?” Angelica laughed.  
“Like way back when the city was first being built, I mean, the pigeons couldn't have always been here. It's not like they build cities in pigeon infested areas on purpose, there must have been a time when the city didn’t have any pigeons.”  
“A city without pigeons.” John pondered, “That would be great.”  
“No” Angelica said, “If we lived in the time the city was built, then there would still be slavery, no women's rights, and literally everyone would be homophobic. I mean the 1600-1800 really sucked if you weren’t a rich, straight, white, man.”  
“Professor Washington would be proud of our spontaneous debate on pigeon migration to cities.’ john commented. They stared at each other for a second them burst out laughing.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..  
“You guys are finally here!” Peggy screeched.  
“Nice to see you too.” John muttered. Peggy dragged them through the door. Catherine, the Schuyler’s mother embraced the three of them.  
“It’s so good to see you all!” She exclaimed.  
“Mom’s been dying stuck with just me.” Peggy scowled, “I’m here least favorite.”  
“Not true.” Catherine said, “I love all my daughters, and honorary sons equally.”  
“Mom, you’ve known me for forever, and you only met John face to face this year!”  
“Peggy,” Catherine said, “Be respectful.”  
“You be respectful.”  
“Peggy.” Catherine said with a stern look, “Too far.”  
“Sorry Mom.” Peggy muttered.  
“So how’s college going? How’s debate club?”  
“Great,” Eliza gushed, “Our team has one almost all the matches we’ve gone to. Me, John, Angelica, and a kid named Alexander are competing in this within our school debate thing and the winners………” she went on and on telling Cathrine about the year. Explaining Professor Washington’s debate contest.  
“Speaking of new things we just found out…….” Angelica interrupted. She glared at John. Then he remembered Catherine didn’t know about that he had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  
“Oh yeah.” John said, “I had been having problems with nightmares, and sometimes flashbacks.” Catherine's face grew concerned. “I went to go ask the counselor, Professor Washington if he knew what was going on.” John self consciously pulled on his ponytail. “He said that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Cathrine eyes seemed to melt. She hugged him.  
“Johnny, you poor boy.” she said. John tried stifle the tears, but he couldn’t. No one had called him Johnny since his Mother, the day she died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we get to see Alex's side of the story.


	10. Shelly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John, Eliza, and Angelica make plans to meet with Alexander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does Shelly the turtle count as an original character?

Alexander reviewed his debate with Jefferson in his head. He had crushed almost all Jefferson’s points. His mother would be proud. But it was hard to think about the debate. His mind kept drifting back to John Laurens. He was adorable. His freckles were precious and Alex had to resist pulling his ponytail. What Alex couldn’t figure out was his relationship with the Schuyler’s. John had been wearing a turtle waving a rainbow flag shirt, that didn’t mean he was gay, but he didn’t seem to be dating either of the Schuyler's. He would have guessed they were siblings, but they didn’t look alike and John had a different last name. His last name kept pulling on him. He eventually searched Laurens on his laptop. His heart sank. Henry Laurens was a South Carolinian politician. A highly republican politician. John was adorable. He figured he should try to get to know him. He typed in their numbers and made a group chat.  
Alex: Hello  
Alex waited hoping to see a response   
Angelica: Hello  
Eliza: Hi  
John: Hey   
That was fast. Alex hadn’t expected them to answer so soon.  
Alex: I just wanted to know when you guys wanted to meet.  
John: tomorrow?  
Eliza: Works for me  
Angelica: You to are literally sitting next to each other just say it out loud then we can just send our decision to Alex.   
John: Okay   
Eliza: Okay  
Angelica: You don’t get the point at all. I give up.   
Incoming video call from Angelica  
Alex accepted it.  
“Hi.” The three of them said. Angelica was in the middle Eliza and John to either side.   
“Hi” Alex said. He could see that they were in a room that was painted green.   
“Okay so what time do you want to meet?” Angelica asked.  
“Um...I don’t know I don’t have any plans so whenever.”  
“How about one thirty tomorrow? You can have lunch with us.” Eliza said.   
“How are you guys talking to?” A girl stuck her face into the screen.   
“Peggy this is Alexander, Alexander this is Peggy.” John said.   
“Your hair looks great what conditioner do you use?”   
“Go away Peggy.” Angelica said.  
“We’ll be done in a minute, just pet Shelly or something.” Eliza said.  
“Fine.” Peggy huffed.  
“Sorry about her.” Eliza said.  
“It’s fine.” Alex laughed. John looked off the camera.   
“No Peggy! Be careful!” John ran off.  
“What’s going on?” Alex asked.  
“Peggy is harassing John, by threatening his turtle.” Eliza said.  
“His turtle?” Alex asked.  
“You can’t hold Shelly over your head! You could hurt her!”  
“That’s what the Shell is for!”   
Angelica’s eyes widened as she looked away from the screen.   
“Peggy! No!” She yelled and ran off. Eliza sat there trying to hold in her laughter. Alex was trying to keep from laughing too.  
“So…….” She said. “One thirty tomorrow?”   
“Sure.” Alex said.  
“I’m sorry. About the turtle drama.” Eliza said.  
“Turtles can’t eat peanut butter!”  
“Calm down John.”  
“Give me Shelly.”  
“No!”  
“Then at least put her down.”   
“No!”  
“Peggggggyyyyy.”  
“Johhhhnnnnn.”  
“Give me the turtle.”  
“No.”  
Angelica appeared again.   
“I’m so sorry, they’re five year olds.” She laughed. Alex started to laugh. Soon Eliza was laughing. And then Angelica. They heard the door slam. And John was back. He sat down next to the sisters.   
“I’m back.” John said. He sat there stroking his turtle's shell. “What did I miss?”  
“Nothing much.” Angelica said.  
“So see you all tomorrow at one thirty.”  
“Bye!” They called. Alexander hung up. Laughing hysterically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where this chapter came from.


	11. Fluffernutter Sandwiches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex comes over to practice with John, Eliza, and Angelica.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend started to read this story from the start and she started crying in science class. The teacher was very confused.

Angelica, Eliza, and John sat at the kitchen table excitedly talking. Alex was supposed to be there any minute now. They heard a knock at the door. John raced to the door, Angelica and Eliza right behind.  
“Hey.” Alex said.  
“Hey.” they said. Alex thought them saying hi in unison was adorable.  
“Sorry I’m late.”  
“Not at all.” Eliza said, “Come on.” They lead him to the kitchen. They sat at the small table.  
“Anyone hungry?” John asked. The girls nodded and John began grabbing food.  
“From what we’ve seen you do you’re probably the best debater.” Angelica said.  
“Then either Angelica or John then me.” Eliza said.  
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re a great debater.” John called.  
“No I’m not. I’m too nice.”  
“That’s a good thing Eliza.” John said.  
“I should do the intro. Since that isn’t countering much of what others say. I’ll do okay at that. Angelica should do the first counter, John should do second, and Alex should do closing since he can address everything that was said.” Eliza said.  
“The drop the mic on the whole debate.” John said. He came around the table. He placed a plate on the table. “Fluffernutters for everyone.” he said gesturing to the plate. John went red.  
“Peanut Butter and Fluff, Fluffernutters is what my Mom used to call them.” Alex noted the used to maybe John was like him, an orphan. John grabbed a sandwich, Alex copied him. Angelica and Eliza reached grabbed on. They chewed silently for a minute.  
“So John what are you majoring in?” Alex asked. John swallowed his bite of sandwich.  
“So far I’m undecided. My Dad wanted me to go into politics, his form of it anyway.” Angelica gave a bitter laugh there. “So not that. Although it would be ironic if I did go into politics, but opposing his views.”  
“I think you’ve done that enough already.” Angelica laughed. John smiled. Probably Environmental Science or maybe Medicine. I’m not really sure yet. What about you Alex?”  
“Political science major, but I’m minoring in English.” Alex said.  
“I’m majoring in political science, too.” Angelica said. “I’m majoring in English. Minoring in Musical Theatre.” Eliza said.  
“I've never met a Musical Theatre minor.” Alex commented.  
“More people major in it then minor.” Eliza said.  
“Eliza has a great voice.” John said.  
“So do you.” Eliza said. John raised his eyebrows and started to laugh.  
“I'm serious John.”  
“No I don't. You Yes. Angelica yes. Me no.”  
“He doesn't like to tell people, but we were in a musical over the summer together.” Eliza giggled. “It wasn't a very popular musical, it's called Dear Edwina, I played Edwina, John played Scott.Angelica played Becky. It was awesome.”  
“Really?” Alex asked. John nodded.  
“Guys, we should get back to the debate.” Angelica said.  
“Oh right. So Eliza’s plan sounds good. We should research a lot of common debate topics. And we should do practice debates against each other.” They nodded.  
They four of them worked for a couple hours. Until John checked his watch.  
“Oh no! I'm going to be late for my session.” He said, “I better go.” He ran to get his coat. Alex made a quick decision.  
“If he's going to leave than I may as well go too.” Eliza and Angelica nodded. Alex didn't see that as they walked out the door Angelica gave John the thumbs up. They walked to the bus station that would eventually bring them to campus.  
“So why did you join in the middle of the year?” John asked.  
“I just moved here only a few weeks ago. Also I turned eighteen in last January so I started trying to get to the US, because I wasn't in the foster care system anymore. And here I am.” John nodded he didn’t ask how Alex’s parents died. He nodded. Alex guessed John knew what it was like to lose a parent. Alex was happy that his new friend understood that there's nothing you can do better than listen. “What about you where did you live before college?” Alex saw John tense. He froze for a second.  
“South Carolina.” He answered. Alex didn't want to press, but he needed to know.  
“New York is pretty far away from South Carolina.” Alex said. John was looking at his feet as he walked.  
“Not far enough.” Their conversation was interrupted by the bus pulling up. They got on. They sat next to each other. To Alexander’s surprise John continued.  
“My father and me don't have a very healthy relationship. Ever since my Mother died, I think he blames me whenever things go wrong.” John said. His fists clenched and he began to breath deeply he closed hi eyes for a moment. Alex looked at his friend nervously. Was he having so sort of mental breakdown?  
“Sorry about that.” John said getting his breathing under control again.  
“Are you okay?” Alex asked.  
“Fine. I’m fine now. It won’t happen again.” Alex wasn’t sure what that meant. But John didn't seem to want to talk about it. They bus pulled up at their stop.  
“Bye.” Alex said.  
“Bye.” John said. He watched the boy walk away. Alexander wanted to know this boy. To memorize his whole face, be able to map every freckle, memorize which strands would fall from his ponytail. He wanted to be able to understand him. He wanted John to love him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling sad and I don't know why this is the happy part of the story.


	12. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John, Alex, Angelica, and Eliza practice for the debate. They're final topic is a little too close to home for John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't update this as fast as I usually do. I was out of wifi range for a while. Plus it's finals week. I must write like I'm running out of time.

John sat with Shelly stroking her shell. He wanted to talk to the turtle, but he didn't want to sound crazy.   
“Do turtles get crushes on other turtles?” He asked her, “Are some turtles nice and others full of themselves. Do you have different personalities?” The turtle did not responded, thankfully. John thought about what had happened on the bus. He had flashed back. He hated flashbacks, they seemed more real than the dreams. And people would notice he would stare off into space. He would start to cry. They were hard to control. Henry Lauren's and anything to do with him triggered flashbacks. He tried to think of his friends of now not then, but it was hard to remember now when he was stuck in the past. John climbed into bed and fell asleep. He was in a dream now. 

He was six. He was in dark pants, dress shoes, a tie, and a jacket. He sat on a chair in the church. He kept his head down not wanting his family to see his tears or his bruise. The smiling pictures of his mother haunted him every time he looked up. His father had told him not to speak to anyone. John was fine with that. He didn't want to talk to anyone. They walked outside the church to the small graveyard in the back. A freshly dug grave laid there. It was a gloomy day, humid, with dare wet clouds hanging over the church. John’s tears tumbled silently down his face. Nobody handed him a tissue. Nobody wiped his tears away. No one thought to comfort the little boy who had just lost his mother. His father came to stand beside him at her grave.   
“John, be a man. Don't stand here crying. Your little brothers and Sisters need you to be strong.” John felt anger surge in his throat.   
“I'm sorry.” John muttered.  
“Don't say I'm sorry change your actions.” John wiped away his tears. Henry scoffed. “You are terrible excuse for a man.”  
“I'm sorry father, I can’t be strong.”   
“You got that right.” John snapped, he couldn't take it. He was to sad to,listen to his dad speak like this.   
“I lost my mother. Don't I deserve a chance to mourn. For someone to be strong for me.” John yelled. A few people looked at him. His father’s eyes narrowed.   
“I told you. You don’t deserve to be loved.”   
John woke up there. His pillow was soaked with tears. He wanted to stop reliving the past.   
……………………………….  
Over Thanksgiving break they got to know Alexander very well. John was pretty sure Alexander knew John was gay. John wasn't sure about Alex though. He flirted with Angelica and Eliza. But John couldn't help it, he was in love with Alexander Hamilton. It was there last day of prep before the debate competition. They had spent most of it already, talking about how Christopher Columbus was actually just a huge jerk.   
“I think we really have a chance of winning.”   
“A chance?” Angelica said incredulously, “We are going to demolish the rest of the teams.” They all laughed.   
……………………….…………………………………………………………………  
The day of the competition finally arrived.   
“You guys ready?” Alex asked.  
“Ready.” John said.   
“I am fully prepared to destroy.” Angelica said.  
“Ready.” Eliza said.  
“Let’s go.” Alex said. They took their seats looking around they could see how excited everyone was. There were the three teams from their club. But then there were teams from other debate clubs. Others that seemed to have been made up from no club. There were about twenty different groups.   
“Alright everyone. I’m so glad to see you all here. I will be judging your debates along with a few of my fellow Professors and the school principal.” He said gesturing to King George the principal, who was the most annoying principal ever. He created ridiculously expensive prices at every place on campus. So not many students could afford to eat in the cafeteria. He showed them the line up. There were different spots in the room for debates so the early rounds would go faster. They were first matched up with a team not from their club.   
“Okay first state your team name.” The professor called. They glanced at each other. They hadn't come up with a team name. Alex looked at John.   
“How about the turtles? Alex asked. They giggled.   
“The turtles.” Angelica called. The professor raised an eyebrow  
“The turtles vs The Debaters of Dorm 16. Your topic is Should College be free? Heads or Tails.” He asked them.  
“Heads.” ELiza said. He flipped the coin. It landed on heads.  
“We choose Pro and second.” The professor nodded. You will now be given a few seconds to gather your thoughts. They huddled.   
“This is going to be an easy one.” Alex said. “Don't leave out anything to save it for someone. Just say the information you know.” The other team began their intro. Eliza looked nervous but once it was her turn to talk she was fine. The other team's rebuttal was pretty good. Angelica stood ready to go. She was great. She threw in stats about how much debt students owe. The team’s counter was very good. John stood up. He spoke about how the US was in a minority of countries that didn’t have free college. He told how even tiny countries like Slovenia people could go for free. Alex gave him a nod of approval. The team gave their closing. Alex stood up and destroyed every bit of it. They were pronounced the winners. Their next few debates followed similarly. Eventually it was down to them, Thomas, James, Herc, and Laf, and two teams not from their club. That meant Theo, Burr, John A, and Samuel were all out of the debate. The went up against one of the teams from another club first. Then it was down to them and Thomas, James, Herc, and Laf. They shook hands with them and took their seats. And every thing went wrong.   
“In this debate we will be discussing a current event.” Professor Washington paused there. He looked directly at John. His eyes trying to tell him he was sorry.   
“A week ago Henry Laurens issued a statement saying that he would be running for governor. Henry Laurens had served as Mayor already.”  
John saw himself standing by his Father’s side. He stood at the steps of city hall- No john tried to tell himself he wasn't there but it kept flashing through his eyes.Eliza said. Professor Washington looked at the principal. It was the Principal’s decision. He would if the request was granted.   
“And your reasoning behind this request is?” The principal asked. Eliza glanched at John. Herc and Laf whispered nervously. Thomas and James seemed to sense the tension in the room. But most of all he felt Eliza glanced at him nervously. John nodded.  
“John was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”   
“How is this relevant?” the principal. Washington glared at the principal. This should have made any normal person grant the request. Laf clenched his fists. Herc bit his lip. Eliza looked as if she were about to cry. Angelica whispered insults under her breath. Eliza looked to him asking if she should tell. John shook his head. He stared at his shoes. Eliza sat down. Alex tapped John on the shoulder.   
“What was that about?” he whispered. John looked at him. Alex saw the tears in his eyes. “Sorry.” he whispered. Professor Washington continued.  
“Henry Laurens recently announced that he would be running for Governor of South Carolina. He has previously served as mayor of his town. Looking back at some of his views people have questioned whether he should be able to lead since he has been known to speak rashly against certain ethnic groups, religious groups, and the lgbt community.”  
John was a little kid again sitting in front of the big TV in his living room. His Father was waving on the screen. At a press conference. It was a recording. John couldn’t understand why people were cheering. Father had just said terrible things about people, how was that cause for celebration? His Father walked in the room-   
No! John thought. He had to keep his hold on reality. The coin had been flipped they were against Henry Laurens, that was good. He knew that no one here want to support Henry Laurens. He could see the disgust written on Herc and Laf’s faces. All he could pay attention was Alex’s eyes fixed on the back of his neck. James started their introduction.   
“We shouldn’t question the past statements of candidates as a factor in their ability to lead………”   
Henry read the disgust on his son’s face. He heard John mutter something under his breath.  
“Why are you cheering? My father is evil.” John whispered. Henry heard his son’s words. He turned off the TV. John whirled around, terror on his face. Henry grabbed his collar.   
“You better learn to agree with my opinions. People like you don’t deserve to live in a family, like you do. You ever tell anyone, and you're dead.” Henry said. He relinquished John and walked off. John waited till he was out of the room. Then he burst into tears. A few minutes later his brother, James walked in.  
“You’re such a crybaby, John. Aren’t you the oldest?” James said. John didn’t answered.   
No John thought. He was here he was with the people who would always accept him. Eliza was talking now. Angelica looked at him nervously. She could tell he was wrestling with flashbacks. He could tell Eliza felt bad and was worried that she was triggering flashbacks. When it was Laf’s turn he mouthed a silent apology. He began his debate. John didn’t listen to what he was saying. He kept counting in his head trying to keep himself in realty. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9. Angelica got up to talk. She talked fast. But John only heard a blur of words. Herc also mouthed words of apology. John nodded in acknowledgement. Then it was his turn. He hadn’t listened to much of the debate. So he didn’t counter, he spoke from the heart.  
“Henry Laurens is the scum of human existence. He is a racist, sexist, and homophobic.”   
His Father was screaming at him. He had found the essay he had written for social studies. The paper against everything his father believed in. He tore the ten page paper piece by piece. Shouting horrible things all of John’s hard work down the drain. Over and Over. You don’t deserve to be loved. You don’t deserve to be loved. You don’t deserve to be loved. You don’t deserve to be loved. Then his hand surging toward his face----  
Then he felt Alex squeez his hand. Alex squeezing his hand. Teling him he was okay. A rock something to hold on to. And John found his voice.  
“He believes that people who aren’t as wealthy as him, Who aren’t the same color as him, Who aren’t the same gender as him, Who love someone with the same gender as themselves, he thinks they’re below him. He asks as if they aren’t human. Like they’re animals. A man who is willing to…” Say it John. He thought, tell them what he did. But he couldn’t. Not today. “Denounce people just because they aren’t like him. He Shouldn’t be able to lead, not because of his views. But that he can’t conduct himself kindly. That he can’t be respectful of his fellow human beings. That he didn’t see anything wrong….” his voice broke. He was getting close to the truth, he decided to touch on it a little.   
“With raising a child in an environment where he was told that he didn’t deserve to be loved. That there was something wrong with him.” Then the words slipped out. He didn’t mean to they just did. “That Henry Laurens could still call himself a goodman as he hit his own son.” He heard Alex suck in his breath. “That he honestly believed that he was teaching him a good lesson by sending him to school with bruises.” he took a deep breath.  
“That he could hate his own flesh and blood because of who he loved. Henry Laurens is unfit to lead because he can’t see people as equal to him.” He sat down. They applauded. The other teams his teammates, Thomas, James, Laf, and Herc. Even Professor Washington. Then they were on their feet. Applauding. When Thomas was asked to give his conclusion he shook his head. They were pronounced the winners. Angelica and Eliza hugged him. Then Alex hugged him too. It felt so good. Then Laf, Herc, and Burr were on him. They were all their encased in a group hug. John and his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the writing style is so weird in this chapter.


	13. French Fry Toasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They celebrate the debate. Martha calls. Alex asks John a question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love this chapter.

They sat at a small restaurant outside of campus. It was loud and a couple old women kept rolling their eyes at the group of college students. John had never been happier in his life. They had all gotten fries and milkshakes. Peggy had joined them too, and after hearing what John had done she promised to stop putting smiley face stickers on Shell’s shell.   
Laf raised his fry up in the air.  
“To John for finally telling people how evil Henry Laurens is!” They all raised french fries in the air.   
“To John” They all shouted. Then ate a french fry.  
“To John for being the best honorary Schuyler Sister ever!” Angelica called.  
“To John.” Then another french fry.   
“To John for make Professor Washington look like he was going to kill the Principal!” Herc called. They all laughed  
“To John.” Alex stood up.  
“To John for doing the impossible. Keeping me from talking during a debate.” They all laughed.   
“To John.” they all laughed.   
“For it truly is impossible.” Eliza added. Receiving a chorus of further giggles.   
“Thanks guys.” John said.   
“But in all seriousness John, what are you going to do now? I mean this is something your Father should go to jail for. You can’t just forget about this. Rumors will start to grow. Eventually you’ll be forced to take this to court.” Eliza said. John looked at his shoes.   
“I Know.” John sighed. “I just wish I could wait till Martha was in college. So she would be safe.” he sighed again.  
“Let’s move on to lighter topics for tonight.” Laf said sensing John’s sadness. “If you could be one animal what would it be?” he asked.   
“What?” Alex asked. “Why was that the first thing that popped in your head?”   
“Don’t try to explain Laf.” Herc laughed. “And I’d want to be a horse.”   
“I don’t know.” Eliza shrugged. “Maybe a hummingbird?”  
“Umm…..a human. We’re technically animals.” Angelica said.  
“A baguette.” Laf said.  
“Laf, you said what animal.” Herc said, “Baguettes aren’t animals.”   
“I don’t care.”  
“Something yellow that eats smaller things.” Peggy said.  
“A Chameleon so I could hide.” Burr said.  
“I’d be a turtle.” John said.   
“Not even surprised.” Angelica said. Everyone turned to Alex.  
“I don’t know. A salamander or a lion.”   
“Those aren’t related at all.” Laf yelled.  
“Neither are animals and Baguettes.” Herc yelled. They all began to laugh.   
“We are all insane.” Eliza laughed. Peggy nodded. They sat and talked for awhile. Then John’s phone rang. He didn’t recognize the number. He almost didn’t answer. Then he saw the area code. It was the same area code from his hometown in South Carolina.  
“I have to take this.” John said. Excusing himself. He stepped outside into the chilly air. “Hello?” he said.  
“John. Is that you?” a familiar voice asked.   
“Martha?”  
“It is you!” she cried.  
“Martha, is everything alright?”   
“Don't worry I’m fine. Dad doesn’t know. Are you okay?”  
“I fine mostly. Except the consular here says I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”   
“Oh John, are you sure you’re fine?”   
“I’m sure. It’s really great here I have a lot of friends.”  
“I’m so happy you’re alright.” Martha breathed  
“I’m so happy you’re okay too.” he paused. “How did Father take me leaving?”   
“Not good. He yelled a lot. We’re not supposed to call you. Sorry it took me so long to call you. He almost called to disown you. Then he realized that would look bad on his campaign. So he figured having you out of the way might actually be in his favor.”   
“What about James and Henry and Mary, do they know about either of us. Or what Father did to me?”   
“They know about you, but to what Father did. I think James might suspect Dad hit you, but I’m not sure.”   
“I miss you so much Martha.” John said. A few tears slipping from his eyes.  
“Tell them I miss them. Tell them that I still love them.”   
“I will.”  
“Martha, I’m so sorry you have to live like this. Hiding from Father. Having to wait months to here from your brother. I’m sorry.”  
“John, it’s okay.”   
“I know. I just hate letting him have so much power. Some of my friends know. They want me to take it to court. But I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”   
“John. we’re fine for now--Oh no. I have to go.”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.” She hung up. John stood there letting the last of his tears trickle out of his eyes.  
“Who was that?” asked a gentle voice from behind him. It was Alex. He looked beautiful. It had started to snow. Little snowflakes rested in his dark hair. His eyes were bright and warm. “Sorry you looked upset so I came to check on you.”   
“I’m fine.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“I just heard from my sister. I haven’t talked to her since June. It makes me feel bad that she’s still there and I’m here.” Alex nodded.   
“I have a brother too. He left. I don’t know where. He never really cared for me much. Sometimes I wonder where he is. If he’s even alive.” John nodded.   
“I was never close with either of my brothers. They probably hate me as much as Father does. They always agreed with everything he said.” Alex nodded.   
“John. I was wondering.” Alex said swallowing. “I was wondering if you wanted to go get lunch together sometime.” John went red. Alex seemed to panic.  
“It’s okay if you don’t want to-” Alex said.  
“No, No I want to.”  
“Okay good. Does Twelve tomorrow work?”  
“That works for me.”  
“Good. I’ll pick you up at the Schuyler’s.”  
“Where will we go?”  
“It’s a surprise.” Alex said smiling. His smile was beautiful. They stood there awkwardly for a second. Then went inside. John watched Alex for the rest of the evening.  
He went home with the Schuyler’s. He would have gone back to his dorm, but winter break was only a week away, so it seemed a waste to move his stuff back in. When they arrived at the Schuyler’s house. John began to jump up and down like a crazed teenage girl.   
“Why are you so happy John?” Eliza asked.  
“You’re acting like a deranged kangaroo.” Peggy said. John squealed.   
“John you’re scaring me.” Angelica said.   
“He asked me out!!!” John screeched.  
“Really? Alex asked you out?” Angelica asked.  
“John that’s great.” Eliza said. The three of them began jumping up and down excitedly. Peggy rolled her eyes and walked out.   
“I don’t know if it’s really a date. But it’s me, him, and lunch so I think it counts.” They continued jumping around.   
“Where is he taking you?” Angelica asked.  
“I don’t know he said it was a surprise.” They continued jumping up and down. Eliza felt bad. She wasn’t as good at hiding her disappointment as Angelica was. She still really liked Alexander. She could tell Angelica did too. But Angelica could always bury her feelings for other people's sake. Eliza would have to learn from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to write the next chapter. I love writing conversations between John and Alex, even if I'm bad at it.


	14. Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex go on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this.

Alexander stood nervously outside of the Schuyler's door. John would be standing in front of him any minute now. All Alex had to do was knock. He carefully reached out and knocked. The door flew open and John was standing there. He wore the same turtle T-shirt he wore on the first day he met Alex. He wore a black winter jacket. He wore red mittens and a white scarf. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail under his winter hat, which was topped by a giant pom-pom. His freckles seemed more perfect than ever.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
John waited nervously in the entryway for Alex to arrive. He was nervous. Angelica and Eliza had lectured him on what to say, but he had forgotten most of their tips. Then the knock came and he threw open the door. Alex wore a long sleeve blue shirt under his winter jacket. He had a hat on, but he could see that his dark hair was down today. Little flecks of snow were already caught in his hair.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
“Hi.” John said.  
“Hi.” Alex said. They stood there awkwardly for a few seconds. Eliza came out of nowhere, with a camera and snapped a picture.  
“Eliza!” Angelica shrieked.  
“I needed proof for Laf, Herc, and Burr.” Angelica’s hand pulled her away. Alex raised his eyebrows at John. John shrugged. They headed out the door. The cafe was close enough so that they could walk. They walked in silence for a bit. It felt good just to have Alexander by his side. He opened the door for him as they entered the small cafe.   
“How many?” the waitress asked.  
“Two.” Alexander said. They sat down. The had a booth seat along the window. The snow feel heavily now giving everything a magical glow.   
“So…” Alex said, “How did you meet the Schuyler's?” John laughed a little.  
“Umm…..I was walking home from school and this kid Charles Lee tried to beat me up, because my father hadn’t paid his Dad. I was calling for help and they were camping in the woods and they heard me. Angelica screamed at him. I was cool. I was in like fifth grade and she was in seventh and she scared off a high schooler. So I was impressed. I had fallen running away from Charles and they gave me a bandaid.”   
“And from that you managed to keep in contact for that long.”   
“Well we wouldn’t of if they hadn’t followed my brother home to check on me.”   
“They stalked your brother?”  
“Yes.”  
“Why didn’t they just go to your school?”  
“They did, I wasn’t there. They saw my brother and followed him.”   
“Why weren’t you there?” John swallowed. He pulled out his phone and found the folder in his drive labeled evidence. They had been assembling it for a while. Mostly pictures of John’s various bruises. He found it. He showed it to Alex.   
……………………………………………………………………………………  
Alex wanted to scream when he saw the picture. To scream at Henry Laurens for doing that to his son. John’s eye was red a yellow blue black bruise surrounded his eye. Both his eyes were brimming with tears.   
“Oh.” Alex said, “I’m sorry I brought it up.”   
“It's fine. Getting depressing childhood stories out of the way is a good thing. Now you have to tell me one.” Alex thought for a moment.  
“When I was twelve. My mother was sick, I was too. She was holding me. She died. And my father had left us. So me and my brother went to go live with our cousin. Then he committed suicide. Then my brother left. And I went from foster home to foster home.”   
“Wow.” John said. “That stinks.”  
“This is depressing. Both our childhoods sucked.” it was one of those weird moments where nothing is funny at all, but you start laughing anyway. They both were laughing.   
“Okay now a happy memory.” John said. Alex thought for a minute.  
“I had just gotten my first paper published. And I was running do the street cheering. Then I tripped and fell. And the there was this goat standing over me. And it started licking my hair.”  
“That’s your happy childhood memory.”   
“Yes, because the guy who owned the goat started laughing. And everyone in the market was laughing. And it felt good, because no one had just laughed together since the hurricane.” John smiled.   
“That’s beautiful. A happy memory that drove away the dark.”   
“Your turn John.” Alex said. He thought for a second. He was about to begin when their food came. The thanked the waitress and John continued.  
“I was six. Before my Mother died, and it was my birthday party. All my family was their. They were all singing happy birthday. And I my Mom was holding my youngest sister Mary. And I’m about to blow the candles out. But Mary just kind of screams on them and the all go out. And she’s like one at the time and she’s learning how to talk and grab things. So she takes a lump of cake and throws it at me. Then my brothers start laughing. And she chuckles cake at them. And we ended up in a giant food fight. And it was great, because even my Mom played. THen my Father walked in wondering what was going on. And my Mom throws a big piece at him. Then he joins in. It’s the only time I really remember where we’re all a happy family.” Alex smiled. The story was hilarious. \

“So my favorite childhood memory is getting licke dby a donkey and yours is getting your birthday cake chucked in your face.” John laughed. A bright clear amazing happy sound. Alex wanted to hear that laugh everyday. Alex laughed too.   
“Everything okay here, boys.” The waitress asked, “Do you want the dessert menu?”   
“Sure.” Alex said, “If I’m paying, I’m getting pie.” the waitress smiled.   
“You to are the cutest couple ever.” she said then walked off. John blushed slightly illuminating his freckles. The waitress had one thing right John was adorable. Alex was a little pleased and slightly embarrassed they had been mistaken for a couple. And even more pleased John didn’t objected. Their pie came a few minutes later. John dug in. The pie was good.  
“You have whipped cream on your nose.” Alex said. John whipped it off. “Your adorable.” Alex laughed. John felt the familiar rapid thumping of his heart that came from being around Alex. Alex kept his eyes directly on John. John felt himself go redder and redder. “You look like a strawberry. Your freckles are like the seeds.” Alex laughed. Alex still had his eyes looked on John’s. I love you is all John wanted to say, but he couldn’t make himself speak. His father’s words playing in his mind over and over. You don’t deserve to be loved. You don’t deserve to be loved. John broke their eye contact. Alex looked disappointed. What if Alex thought he didn’t like him. What if Alex gave up. John cursed himself for being so socially awkward. He hated his Father for ruining everything. He hated himself for being so scared. They didn’t speak on their way home. Alex and him stood on the porch.   
“Bye.” Alex said.  
“Bye.” John said. Alex turned to go. John caught his arm.   
“I’m sorry that-”  
“John, you never have to apologize to me. You can’t do anything wrong, it’s impossible for you you’re so perfect.” Alex said.  
“I just feel bad that I-” Alex cut him off with a kiss. John was so surprised, that when they broke apart he didn’t say anything. Alex turned walked of into the storm, his dark hair full of snow, leaving John speechless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really really really enjoying writing this apart. I hope you guys like it too. :-)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John randomly sings Helpless, because I really wanted him to. I'm sorry.

“Alex kissed you?!?!” Eliza screeched, “Eeeeek John you have a boyfriend.”  
“I do not have a boyfriend.”  
“Fine. You have someone who will eventually become your boyfriend.” Eliza amended. “Now you have to sing the song.”  
“What?”  
“Remember when we were in the musical over the summer. And there was that song we were all singing and when we heard you join in we wanted you to do it as a solo, but you wouldn’t. And you agreed that you would sing it if you ever fell in love. And you did so now you have to sing it.”  
“I thought you were joking!”  
“No I’m going to have Peggy video it. My and Angelica will do the background. We’ll send it to everyone who was there.”  
“Eliza! NO!”  
“Please John, you know you want to.”  
“Fine!”  
“Yes!” she squealed. Angelica started the music on her phone. Peggy started recording.   
“Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey.” Angelica and Eliza started. John could sing soprano just as easily as the girls could. He cleared his throat.   
“Ooh, I do I do, I do I Dooo! Hey! Ohh, I do I do I do I Doo! Boy you got me..”  
“Helpless.” They all sang together.” Look into your eyes, and the sky’s the limit I’m helpless! Down for the count, and I’m drownin’ in ‘em” Then John went off by himself.  
“I have never been the type to try and grab the spotlight We were at a debate with my roommates on a cold day” John improvised changing the lyrics to fit what had happened. ”Laughin’ at my sisters as they dazzle the room  
Then you walked in and my heart went “Boom!”  
Tryin’ to catch your eye from the side of the lecture hall  
Everybody’s talkin’ and Herc’s top volume”  
Grind to the rhythm as we wine and dine” John kept that line the same, he couldn’t think of anything to put there. 

“My sister grabs me and whispers Yo this ones cute.”   
My roommates dragged me across the room to you  
And I got nervous thinking what am I supposed to do  
You say Hi and I think I’m through……” He Kept singing. Eventually he got to his favorite part.  
“That boy is mine!” He sang. He began skipping around randomly. Eliza and Angelica laughed. He fíanally ended.   
“Helpless” then it was over. The burst out laughing. Peggy put down the camera.  
“You guys are weird.” They nodded and began laughing again.  
…………………………………  
The last debate club meeting before Christmas break came too fast for Alex. It meant he wouldn't see John. It was right after their first date and they were about to go on break again. He saw John enter the room. His honorary sisters and roommates around him in a big group. Angelica saw him. Peggy, there little sister was here today too. Angelica beckoned Eliza and Peggy and they all headed toward him.   
“Hello.” Alex said. Angelica grabbed him by the ear. John was talking to Herc and Laf. Laf saw him and gave him a hard stare. Herc glared. Alex wasn't sure what was going on. Angelica was pinching his ear pretty hard. The dragged him out onto the steps of the lecture hall.  
“What’s going on!?!?!” Alex shouted. Angelica let go of his ear. “What was that for?!?!” he asked. Laf and Herc slipped out of the door too surrounding him.   
“What’s going on?” he asked again.  
“We are here to warn you.” Eliza said.   
“And kind of threaten you.” Laf said.  
“You know John, he is the best person in the world. He’s so happy and bright all the time. But he has had to endure more pain and suffering than anyone deserves.” Angelica said. “And if you break his heart, I will crush you--”  
“Angelica, calm down.” Eliza muttered.  
“Into a plup so small--”  
“Angelica.”  
“That not even a microscope could see you.”  
“Angelica….”  
“Or hear your tiny little cries.”  
“Angelica calm down.”  
“John is literally the greatest human being you will ever meet.” Eliza said, “But if you hurt him, Angelica will kill you, Peggy will get the knife, I’ll dig the grave.”  
“Why would I hurt John.”  
“Oh if you know what’s good for you, you won’t.”  
“Guys seriously.” They all walked away from him. Alex followed a little bit behind them. John was waiting by the door.   
“Hi.” Alex said seeing him.   
“Hi.” John said waving, a adorable blush spreading across his cheeks.  
“I had a lot of fun yesterday.” Alex said. John blushed again highlighting his freckles. Alex wished he would stop doing that it was too cute.   
“Yeah.” John said.  
“I was wondering if you wanted to do it again sometime. Maybe a movie?” Alex said. John, still blushing, nodded. “Maybe this Friday?”   
“Sure.” John said. As John walked away Alex quietly noted his happy dance.   
“Alright everyone take your seats.” Professor Washington called. John took his seat.   
“I got a second date.” John whispered to Angelica. She high fived him under the table.  
“I know the debate competition was more eventful than we thought it would be.” He said with a pointed look at John. “But you all did very well. I know we're all excited for winter break.” The students began to cheer, Professor Washington smiled. “But we must be on task today. I thought we'd do something a little different.” He paused. I want you to debate. Not like we usually do, but something you’re passionate about. Walk around find someone you disagree with or agree with, anything that you want to talk about. Just talk, from the heart.” Everyone began to mutter excitedly. “Oh and John I’d like to talk to you after class.”  
“Oooooooooooooo.” Everyone said. They got up.   
“What should we do?” Eliza asked.  
“I don’t know, it's hard to top the great spontaneous pigeon debate.” John said.   
“What about spontaneous pigeons?” Herc asked.  
“Nothing.” John said.   
“John!” someone called. When John turned he was surprised to see Thomas Jefferson walking toward him. “I wanted to talk to you.”  
“Thomas, why I am the first person you thought of to argue with, shouldn’t that be Alex.”   
“No I wanted to talk to you about something else.”  
“Oh, Okay.”  
“I wanted to ask you about what you said at the debate.”  
“Umm…….sure ask away.”  
“I’ve heard the stories about your father, I didn’t know they were true. I didn’t know you had PTSD. I’m sorry.” Thomas said. John didn’t know why Thomas had brought this up.”  
“It’s fine you didn’t do anything.” John said.  
“It’s just. You are going to do something right? You’re going to bring this to court, right?”  
“I will eventually.” John said.  
“I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I didn’t tell my family for a long time that I was gay. I sort of sprung it on them. I’m disowned now.”  
“You’re disowned?”  
“Yes. I just don’t want have to see some else's relationship with their family ruined. After what your father did, there’s no hope with him. But I don't’ want you to be hated by your siblings or cousins, you want them on your side.”   
“Thanks.” John said. “I’ll try to figure it out.” Thomas walked off. John hadn’t known Thomas was disowned. Now he was worried, he didn’t want to cut himself off from his aunts and uncles and cousins. And definitely not his siblings. He knew Martha would be fine with him, but James and Henry and even little Mary. He didn’t know.   
“John!” Professor Washington called. He walked over.  
“You wanted to see me, sir?” ‘  
“Yes. I wanted to know if you made any further plans on what to do about your father.  
“Oh.” John said. He was sick of everyone asking him that. Couldn’t they leave him alone? “No I haven’t, not really. I still want to wait.”  
“Why?”  
“My siblings, they can have a normal childhood for a little bit. Just a little bit longer. Till they can take care of themselves.”  
“John you need to address this soon.”  
“I’m just not ready, Professor.”   
“Do you really want it on your conscience if he finds out about Martha?” John gulped.  
“I promise soon, just a little bit longer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know where this Chapter came from. I was kind of just writing and it happened. There wasn't really a plan.


	16. The Count of Monte Cristo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and John go see a movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is basically me after I saw this movie, and trying to explain the book to people.

John felt a bit of deja vu nervously waiting for Alex. Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy waited with him.   
“Is he here yet.” Peggy asked.  
“I hope he gets here soon.” Eliza said.  
“I know your picture from last time came out so great.” Angelica said.  
“You guys are more excited than me and you’re not even going on the date.” John said. This wasn’t true of course. He was jumping around inside like an excited puppy. The doorbell rang. Eliza made a squealing sound and held her camera up. John opened the door and snapped a picture, than ran away.   
“Again?” Alex asked.  
“Yup. They’re relentless.” John laughed.   
“So you ready to go?”  
“Ready.” They headed out the door. There was a little movie theater on the edge of the Schuyler’s town, still in walking distance.   
“What are we seeing?” John asked.  
“No clue. Something that looks good or something so stupid you want to watch it.” John laughed and Alex’s response.   
“This theater sometimes shows older movies. Like The Princess Bride, and sometimes the Harry Potter movies.” John said.   
They arrived at the theater and looked at some of the movies.  
“Oh The Count of Monte Cristo.” Alex said, “That’s a great book, I didn’t know it was a movie.”  
“I’ve never heard of it.”  
“Can we see it?”  
“Sure, whatever you want.” Alex smiled.  
“Thank you.” Alex said, and kissed him on the cheek. It made John’s heart flutter. They got in line for snacks. They got one giant bag of popcorn and they each got a soda. They sat down, the movie theatre was almost completely empty. They took their seats.  
“So what’s it about?” John asked. Alex sucked in his breath.   
“Well, it’s a really long book, about 1312 pages, at least the copy I read.” John whistled.  
“That’s a really long book.”  
“Yeah, it took me a whole month to read.” Alex said this without any sarcasm, which scared John a little bit. “It was written by Alexandre Dumas, a french author. It’s about this guy, Edmund Dantes, who’s a sailor. When he’s off sailing the captain dies, and the captain asks him to deliver a letter. But the captain turned out to be in league with Napoleon and Edmund gave the letter to Napoleon. So he comes back to his town. And the captain wants him to take over as captain, which makes Danglar, another sailor, jealous. And finds out his father is broke and owes a large debt to their neighbor. So Edmund goes to visit his Fiancee. Then there’s this guy her cousin, who has a huge crush on her, his names Fernand. I’m sorry this doesn’t make any sense, does it?”   
“Nope.” John said, shaking his head and laughing.  
“Basically three dudes send him to jail, and he tries to get revenge. Then everybody gets poisoned.”   
“Sounds wonderful.” John said still laughing. Alex smiled ad grabbed a handful of popcorn.   
“It’s all you want in one book, Treasure, Prison break, revenge, complicated family trees, elaborate character backgrounds, romance, and a dude who literally has all the money in the world.” Alex said. John didn’t have the heart to tell him how bad movie adaptations could be. The trailers began.   
“Why do they show so many trailers?”   
“Because more people will watch the movies then.” John said.  
“Then why did they make the trailers so boring?” Alex said. John choked on his popcorn laughing. “They give away the whole story! Why would I go and see it if you summarized it in two minutes for me already.” Alex said. John took the opportunity to surprise the boy.   
“You paid to go see a movie version of a story you read 1312 pages on.” John contered. Alex gave him a queer look, then laughed.   
“Toché.” Alex said.   
“You fence?”  
“No, I read and debate.”  
“Okay good, I can’t picture you chasing people around with a sword.” John paused, “Unless they insulted your political views, than I can definitely see it.” Alex said.  
“Noted. You better warn Jefferson.”  
“What have I done?” John laughed. Alex smiled, his amazing beatiful smile. The movie started. It was nothing like what Alex had described. When the lights came on, Alex was glaring at the screen.  
“What was that?” Alex said. He huffed as they walked out. “In the book only like qa third of it is spend in jail. The poisoning and family drama is the better part. Where was Maximillion? Or Valentine? Where were the background stories?” He threw his hands around wildly as he talked. “And where was that whole part in Rome?” John smiled, Alex looked adorable when he was angry. “They didn’t do any of that. It was the key to his plan! There were supposed to be, four guys plotting against him! Well that one guy was debatable, but-”   
“Hey.” Jon said. Alex paused surprised to be interrupted.   
“What?” Alex said. John kissed him. Alex looked surprised, a blush spread across his cheeks, and he gave a adorable smile.  
“Shut up. Okay?” John said. Alex nodded.   
“Okay.” Then they walked off into the snow together. Hand in hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Count of Monte Cristo is a great book. It took me a year to read so naturally, Alex did it in a month. I chose it because Alex and Edmund have a lot of parallels. So I feel a book he relates to so well being made into a bad movie would really aggravate him.


	17. IT'S CHRISTMAS YOU STUPID TURTLE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chapter title serves as the summary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've been busy with school stuff.

“WAKE UP, JOHN.” John heard a voice scream, right in his face.  
“What?” he asked, sleepily.  
“IT’S CHRISTMAS, YOU STUPID TURTLE!” He now recognized the voice as Peggy.   
“Turtles are actually intelligent.”  
“THEN WHY ARE THEY SO SLOW!”  
“Physical speed, and mental strength are every different things.”  
“I DON’T CARE JUST GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”   
“Stop yelling.” John muttered. Shoving his face into his pillow. Peggy stalked out of the room. He heard her pounding on Eliza’s door.   
“WAKE UP!” She yelled  
“Peggy, it’s like five in the morning.”  
“WAKE UP!” she said pounding on Angelica’s door.  
“Peggy, It’s five am, can’t you wait a little longer, you're in like highschool now!” Angelica called.  
“IT’S A TRADITION!” John remembered now. Every Christmas the Schuyler Children would exchange presents together in Eliza’s room. John had participated in this since eighth grade through video chat. He hadn’t exchanged presents then of course, but he had watched them and talked to them, and it made his Christmas seem a little better. John reached into Shelly’s cage and pulled her out. She was wearing a santa hat, which had been Peggy’s idea. He took her in his arms. He pulled the presents he had gotten for his honorary sisters from under his bed, and stumbled out of his room. Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy sat together on Eliza’s floor. JOhn sat down too.  
“Merry Christmas, everybody!” Peggy said.  
“Merry Christmas.” They muttered sleepily.  
“You need sugar, all of you.” She pulled out candy canes, and gave one to each of them. “So everyone ready.”  
“No, I’m still asleep.” Angelica said.  
“Me too.” Eliza said.   
“I have something that will wake you up.” Peggy said pulling a box down. “I got this for all of us.” Eliza curiously pulled away the paper. Inside was a large framed photo.   
“Peggy, it’s beautiful.” Eliza said smiling. The showed the four of them at the airport, in a group hug. John felt tears come to his eyes.   
“Peggy, it’s awesome.” John said.  
“Peggy.” Angelica said. He saw tears in her eyes now.   
“Dad took it, and I thought it would be perfect.” Peggy said smiling. They tackled her in a hug.   
“Okay. My turn.” Eliza said. She handed a package to Angelica. Angelica opened it. Inside was a pair of pink earrings. Peggy got the same, but in yellow.she handed John a package. Inside was a familiar book.   
“51 Amazing Turtles!” John yelled. He flipped to the inside cover. It was signed. “And it’s signed!” He hugged her. “My turn.” For Peggy he got a yellow Yankees (her favorite team) baseball cap. For Eliza he got little glass animals he had found a farmers market. For Angelica he got a “This is what a feminist looks like” t-shirt. The words were made up of smaller quotes from people like, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B Anthony, Lucretia Mott, and Amelia Bloomer. Then it was Angelica’s turn. She pulled out three pairs of socks, one pair was one was pink, one was blue, and the third was pink. At the top of each sock the word “WORK” was written several times.   
“So as you know this is the Schuyler Sisters color coordination, me pink, Eliza blue, Peggy yellow. I decided that since John is pretty much a Schuyler Sister he should be added to the color coding.” She pulled out the same socks, but in green. “Ta-da!” the four of them started laughing. They talked and laughed till about 7:30 when they heard someone calling them.

“Kids, it’s present time!” they all gathered around in the Schuyler living room to give gifts to Mr. and Mrs. Schuyler, and to recieve gifts from them. The whole time flew by. Only one thing stuck out to John, the card Cathrine gave him:  
Dear John, 

Although you may not be my son, in my heart when I picture my family, I see you as my son. You are so brave and kind, you have endured so much. My daughters love you just as much as they love each other. I can wish nothing but the best for you. May you always be happy. I am proud to call you my son.

Love,  
Your honorary Mother,  
Cathrine 

John hugged her.   
“Thank you so much!” John said feeling tears run down his face.  
“No, Thank you.” She said, “You’re an inspiration to all of us.” And when he looked at her for a second he saw his own Mother’s face staring back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are going to jump in time soon. The dreaded Henry Laurens will be back.


	18. John the Strawberry of the Winter's Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Schuyler's hold a Winter's Ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So pretty much everyone's in this Chapter, besides John's biological family. Does Ben Franklin count as an original character?

A few days after Christmas the Schuyler’s announced a party. Angelica was excited she loved Christmas parties. And the Winter’s Ball was the best. They invited everyone they knew. Everyone wore fancy dresses, or suits and ties. That was the best part, dress shopping with her sisters, and now her brother.   
“If I’m apart of the color coding now, does that mean I have to wear a green suit?” John asked.  
“No!” Peggy said, “Green suits are gross, like giant boogers.”  
“Peggy, that’s gross.” Eliza said, “Maybe a green tie?”   
“Or Shoelaces, or socks, or hair tie.” Peggy listed counting the items on her fingers. “Ooo, a green hair tie, I like that, subtle, I think it’s perfect.”   
“You need a new suit, though.” Angelica said.  
“But, I’m broke, I can just use the one I brought from South Carolina?”   
“No it smells like bad memories.” Angelica said. John nodded. The good thing about having a brother like John is he is perfectly willing to let his sisters bring him dress shopping.   
They looked through rows of dresses. Angelica picked a pink dress with a silky, yet poofy skirt. Eliza picked a simple long blue dress. Peggy picked a yellow sundress (Which was ironic because it was winter) They got John a new suit. Then started their way out.  
“Hey!” called a voice. The three of them turned to see a girl that looked like she could be Peggy’s twin.   
“Hey!” Peggy yelled. “It’s so good to see you!” she said hugging the girl.  
“I know, I thought we’d never see each other again!” The other girl said.   
“Ya, I thought I would never see you after you moved.” Peggy said. “How have you been?”  
“Great! I’m dating this guy named James Reynolds, he’s great.”  
“I’m so happy for you!” Peggy said, “Oh I’m being rude. Maria these are my siblings, Angelica, Eliza, and John.” They waved. “Guys this is Maria.”  
“Oh, I didn’t know you had a brother, I heard you talk about your sisters, but never a brother!”  
“Well it’s honorary, but he lives with us, and is apart of our coloring cordiation.”  
“Honorary? What do you mean?”  
“He’s from South Carolina. He’s gay. His father’s an abusive jerk. John likes turtles. Now he has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Speaking of which, John don’t you have an appointment we have to get you to? Bye, Maria!” Peggy said this all very quickly and began to herd them away, practically running.  
“What was that?” John asked.   
“I needed an excuse. Run before she comes after us!” She said shoving them all along.  
“Peggy! Stop running you’re in heels!” Eliza said.  
“Just keeping going!”   
They got in the car.   
“Explain.” Angelica said.  
“Maria used to go to my school. She thinks we’re like best friends, but honestly, she drives me crazy. She’s really nosy. She always would talk about gossip that I didn’t care about! She so annoying!”  
“Peggy, that’s so mean!” Eliza scolded. “You can’t just run away from her!”  
“Don’t worry she only can process one or two sentences at the time. And I told her several short confusing ones, she’s probably still standing there.”  
“Peggy!”  
“It’s true!” Peggy said. John started laughing.  
“Why was it necessary, to say I like turtles in between that my father’s abusive and I have PTSD?”  
“I wanted to highlight the most important parts of your life.”  
“I like turtles, but not that much.”  
“You’re in denial, you like Shelly better than your roommates, maybe even more than Alex.”  
“I don’t like my turtle more than my boyfriend!”  
“You called him your boyfriend.” Angelica said. John turned red.  
“And discriminated against turtles, turtles are humans too.” Peggy said.  
“No they’re not.” Eliza said, “They’re turtles, they still matter, but turtles aren’t humans.”   
“No wonder you’re failing biology, Peggy.” Angelica teased.   
“Hey!” John couldn’t contain his laughter.   
“We are so weird.” John laughed.  
“And proud of it!” They girls shrieked.   
“Although we should probably tip the cab driver about fifty dollars for having to hear that conversation.” Angelica added. They all burst out laughing.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………

John stood nervously waiting for everyone to arrive. Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy were talking to a few people they knew. John stood awkwardly off to the side. He was fiddling with the rainbow bow tie they had insisted he wear. Until a familiar girl came up to him.  
“Hey John!” said Maria, “We met at the mall.”  
“Oh yeah, Peggy’s friend, right?”  
“And you’re Peggy’s honorary brother?”  
“Yup.”  
She smiled. Next to her was a taller boy.  
“This is my boyfriend James.” Maria said.  
“Hello.” James said enthusiastically.   
“Hello!” John said waving.   
“YOOOOOOOO,LAAAAAAAUUUUUREEEEENSSSS!!!!!” called a loud voice.   
“And there are my friends.” John said with a laugh.   
“Laurens?” James asked.  
“My last name.” John said. He nodded. Then they reached him.   
“Hey John!” Laf said.  
“Hey, Herc, Laf, Burr.” John said.  
“You could call me Aaron.”   
“Burr is your last name.”  
“I know, but people don’t usually call Hercules, Mulligan. And sometimes people call you John and other times they call you Laurens.”  
“But no one ever calls me Marie.” Laf said, “So now that you’ve reminded us of our names. Can we change the subject?” Aaron rolled his eyes.  
“Yeah A-A-ron, can we?” Herc said.  
“Don’t call me that.”  
“Who were you talking to before we interrupted?” Laf asked.  
“This is Maria, one of Peggy’s friends, and her boyfriend, James.” John said.  
“Oh we know a James.” Laf said, “James Madison. He never talks though.” Laf said.  
“Marie, why would it matter if we knew a James?” Aaron asked.  
“Did you just call me Marie?” Laf asked, “Please never do that again.”   
“Fine, Joseph.” Burr said.  
“No, don’t call me that either.”  
“Paul.” Herc added.  
“No.”  
“Yves?” Herc asked.  
“No.”  
“Roch.” Burr said.  
“No!”  
“Gilbert?” John added.  
“NO!”  
“Du motier?”  
“NO”  
“Marquis?”  
“NO! Will you stop it?”  
“De?”  
“Please stop. STOP. STOP. STOP.” Laf yelled.   
“What’s going on?” Alex asked. He had came up from behind Laf from nowhere. John felt his heart flutter. Alex looked so good in his suit. A plain Black one with a black tie. His hair was pulled back in a perfect ponytail.   
“Hey John!” Alex said, kissing him lightly on the cheek. John blushed.   
“Hey”  
“You're in strawberry mode already.” Alex laughed.  
“Strawberry Mode?” Herc asked.  
“It’s what I call it when his face gets all blushy, like a strawberry, the seeds are the freckles.”  
“Oh,” Laf said, “Well congratulations, your new official nickname is Strawberry John.”   
“What have you done?” John asked.  
“I’ve created a monster.” Alex laughed.   
“Better than Turtle Boy.” Laf said.  
“That was never my nickname.” John said.  
“Not to your face.” Herc said.   
“Hey everyone.”Eliza said coming toward them, with Angelica and Peggy.   
“Hey” they all said.   
“Everyone having fun.” Eliza asked.   
“They're harassing me.” John said.   
“Only cause you were harassing me.” Laf said.  
“Burr was the one who started it.” John retorted.  
“Don't get me involved in this, Herc and John are the ones who continued it.” Burr said.  
“At least we know I didn't do anything.” Alex said.  
“You exist. That's something.” Herc said.  
“What’s going on?” Eliza asked.  
“Nothing. Laf just has a long name.” Herc clarified.   
“Okay, so anyway, I wanted to say hi.” Eliza said.   
“You guys are weird, can I go now?” Peggy asked.   
“Sure, Peg.” Angelica said. Peggy turned to run off.   
“Wait!” John called, “Maria is here.”  
“What?!?!” Peggy shrieked, “Are Mom and Dad trying to kill me?” She stomped off.   
“So anyway, What’s up?” Angelica asked.  
“The ceiling.” Laf said. Angelica rolled her eyes.  
“You have annoying friends, John. Come and help us greet guests.” Angelica prompted.  
“Sure.” John said waving goodbye to his friends as he walked.   
“So who's here so far?” John asked.  
“Well, me, you, Mom, Dad, Eliza, and Peggy, obviously, then you already saw, Herc, Laf, Alex, and Burr. Then, Jefferson, Madison, Adams, Jay, and Professor Washington, and Martha Washington are here. Umm... We’re still waiting on, Theodosia Prevost and Nathaniel Pendleton. Then there’s all of Mom and Dad’s friends. Mr. Franklin, and a lot more, but they all look the same fat, old, and forgettable. Mr. Franklin is really nice you’ll like him. He’s a writer, lawyer, and Science Professor.”   
“Hello!” called Mr. Schuyler.  
“Hi Dad.” Eliza and Angelica said.  
“Hello Mr. Schuyler.”   
“This is our friend, Mr. Franklin.” Catherine said. The three of them waved.  
“I thought you said you had three daughters, Phillip.”  
“I do, Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy. This is John Laurens, our honorary son.”   
“Laurens.” Mr. Franklin said his lip curling, “That psychopath who’s running for governor of South Carolina?”   
“That’s him.” John sighed.   
“I didn’t mean to insult.”  
“No it’s fine, Psychopath, is definitely the correct word to describe him.” Mr.  
Franklin smiled.   
“Do you know where Peggy is?” Catherine said sensing how uncomfortable John was.   
“She’s hiding from Maria and James” Eliza said.  
“Why? I thought they were best friends?”  
“No she hates her.” Angelica said.  
“Oh well that's not good.” Catherine laughed.  
“Hey!” Called a voice from behind them. It was Maria.   
“Hello Maria.” John said.   
“Hey John.” He noticed that James was not with her. Eliza and Angelica left to go talk with one of Catherine’s friends. Leaving John alone with Maria, sadly.   
“I wanted to ask you something.”   
“Sure.”  
“How is everyone in your group of friends so cute? It's not fair.” John raised his eyebrows, this was a really dumb thing to say, he was starting to relate to Peggy’s annoyance.  
“Um….” he said.  
“I mean first there's you, and then Lafayette and Hercules, and Alexander. Alexander is so cute, and so are you it’s not fair.” Then Alex came out of nowhere like a superhero saving John from this mildly creepy high schooler.   
“People always say we make a cute couple.” Alex said, putting his arm around John and kissing his cheek.   
“Oh.” She said, “Sorry.” Than ran off.  
“Thank you so much.” John said, relieved.   
“Your welcome.” Alex said, planting another kiss on his cheek.   
“What do you think of the party?” John asked.   
“I feel kind of awkward, I know almost no one, and people keeping trying to get me to dance.”  
“You don't dance?” John said.   
“Never learned.”  
“Then you must, College is all about learning.”  
“I don't Major in Dance. And neither do you.”   
“I don’t. But I took competieve Jazz and Tap for three years.”  
“No you didn't.”  
“Yes I did. There’s a wonderful picture of me in my suit, tie, and tap shoes, dancing all across the stages of South Carolina.”   
“You said three years. Why'd you quit?”   
“My Dad found out one of the girls in my class bought me foundation to cover up my bruises for competitions and recitals. So he made me quit, and I still missued the days where I didn't have to come up with a story for why my face was purple.”   
“Do you only have depressing childhood stories?”  
“Pretty much. Nowcome on, you’re dancing.”  
“No.”  
“Every happy memory I make brings me closer to outnumbering the bad.”   
“Fine.” Alex sighed.   
“That's the spirit.” John said. John began to tap his feet wildly against the floor, doing a tap number he had done in sixith grade.   
“You’re ridiculous.” Alex laughed.   
“Thank you.” He pulled his boyfriend out on to the dance floor and laced his fingers through his. They stepped in time to the music.   
“See you're a natural, you haven't even stepped on my feet.”  
“It's a miracle.” Alex laughed. “Nice tie by the way.” John glanced at his rainbow bow tie, and blushed. “There's the strawberry.” Alex sad teasingly, poking John's freckly nose.   
“I refuse to be called Strawberry.”  
“OKay, whatever makes you happy.” Alex said. Then he kissed John. John smiled still blushing.“I’m sorry, but you have to accept it. You're a Strawberry.”   
“Fine, I’ll be a strawberry, if that’s what makes you happy.” He said laughing. He kissed Alex.   
“You're the best.” Alex said. John blushed, “I'm searious. You're perfect, your nice, funny, caring, and an adorable little starwberry.”   
“Thank you. But I believe you're the best. You're smart, funny, you can murder anyone in a debate, and no one else could convince me to be nicknamed strawberry.” They laughed.   
“Hello Strawberry, and Strawberry’s boyfriend.” Laf said, coming toward them. Alex and John stopped dancing and went to talk to him.   
“Hey, Marie.” John said.   
“You are not allowed to call me Marie.”  
“And you can't call me Strawberry.”   
“Strawberry.”  
“Marie.”  
“Strawberry.”  
“Marie.”  
“Strawberry.”  
“Marie.”  
“You two are actually just first graders.” Herc laughed.   
“Luckily for you I have met some very Intellegent first graders.” Laf retorted. They laughed. They rest of the night went like that. Dancing with Alex. Joking around with Laf and Herc. Talking to the Schuyler's friends with his sisters. That night John fell asleep with a warm feeling in his stomach, things were finally going rightk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters preview.  
>  Alex studies too much for finals (May)  
> John's birthday (October)   
> A terrible Christmas dinner in Soth Carolina with the dreaded Henry Laurens


	19. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander is stuck in his studying while his friends try to get his attention. He gets a wake up call, because for the first time he sees John have a nightmare. And how John's roommates know what to do, while he is helpless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was went to be short and just about Alex's work ethic, but turned out more about John.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Alex. Alex! ALEX!” John yelled. Alex and John had been together since Thanksgiving and he still hadn't figured out a sure way to get his boyfriend out of study mode. He wouldn't hear anything he said, just keeping staring at the screen.  
“Alex.” He said poking his cheek with a pencil. “ALEX.” He took a deep breath at shouted at the top of his lungs, “ALEXANDER HAMILTON LOOK UP OR I WILL PULL YOUR PONYTAIL.” No response, he kept typing oblivious to John. John prepared to do what no ponytail wearing person was to do to another. He yanked Alex’s ponytail.   
“Ow!” Alex yelled in surprise, “What was that for?”  
“I've been trying to get your attention for half an hour.”   
“Really? Sorry, I was focused on my work and I guess I tunwed you out.”  
“I screamed directly in your ear. You go into a coma when you study, it's scary.”   
“I do not!”  
“Well any normal person would hear me screaming in their ear.”  
“I already know I’m weird.”  
“Alex, look around, the sun is shining, birds are singing, the air is clean and breathable, and your computer screen is not the only thing that exists! Take a break.”   
“I have to finish this paper.”  
“Fine. But you’re eating dinner today. I swear if it wasn't for us your skelton would be found hunched over the computer because you never took a break and died of dehydration or starved.” John said. Alex nodded and turned back to his computer. John walked over to Herc and Laf who were sitting on the floor.   
“Any luck?” Herc asked.   
“Nope. He refuses to take a break.”   
“Oh well, I guess we’ll have to wait till summer for Alexander to stop being a zombie.” Laf said.  
“His work ethic is insane, but makes me worried for his mental health.” Burr said. They laughed.   
“At least he agreed to eat.” John sighed.  
,..............................................................  
“Okay so if a mother tells the babysitter to keep her kid inside because he has the flu, and the house catches on fire and the kid dies, because the babysitter followed instructions, is the babysitter to blame?” Laf asked. They all sat on the floor taking turns asking practice questions and eating slices of pizza.   
“What kind of question is that?” Burr asked.   
“Yeah, that babysitter is an idiot.” Herc added.  
“How old was the kid? Why didn't he get his flu shot? Why would he not go out by himself? Why would the Mother hire such a dumb babysitter?”   
“You guys are taking this question too literally.” Alex said, pointing a cheesy triangle at them. “It's asking whether we should expect people to apply common sense to the law.”  
“But the mother’s order wasn't law, it was only a rule. One given orally and probably without contract. So it wouldn't be legally binding.” Burr said.   
“But it's not saying in that exact scenario. The mother represents the government and the child and babysitter are the citizens.” Alex said.  
“Why I am supposed to know this? I'm a Marine Biology major.” John said. Herc nodded. Herc was interested in business and clothing design. His dream was to open open his own Tailoring store.   
“Each question is geared toward a different one of our focuses as well as questions for subjects we all have to take.” Laf said. Laf wasn't sure what he was majoring in, but he wanted to help people coming to the US learn English. They sat there for a while going through different questions. Soon they each went back to their own books, trying to cram as much information into their heads as possible. Eventually John fell asleep with his face in his book. Alex found studying with his friends almost relaxing. It was nice, it made him stress less, it almost seemed like a fun activity. The he heard John.  
“No. No. No. No. No. No. No.” John muttered. His hands started to shake, his face contorted.  
“Guys!” Alex called. Laf looked up.   
“No. No. No. No. No. No.” his voice grew louder. Laf sighed. Herc and Burr saw too. Burr ran over to the couch and wrapped a blanket around John’s shoulders  
“To help with the flailing.” He told Alex.   
“Stop . No. Stop. Stop. Stop. Father! No! No!” John screamed, tears started to trickle from his closed eyes. Alex watched terrified as his boyfriend flailed around, his friends slowly waking him up.  
“John. Wake up! It's okay.” Laf soothed. Herc began to gently shake John's shoulder. John held onto his own head as if trying to rip the memories out.   
“You don't deserve to be loved. You don't deserve to be loved. You don't deserve to be loved. You don't deserve to be loved. You don't deserve to be loved.” John yelled. He shook violently, Alex was afraid he would hit his head on the couch. Apparently Herc had the same thought because he gestured for Burr to hold one of John's shoulders, Herc grabbed the other.   
“John. Wake up.”   
“Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.” He muttered. “You don't deserve to be loved. You don't deserve to be loved.” He cried. The shaking intensified.  
“This isn't good.” Laf muttered. “He’s not waking up.”  
“Try a loud noise.” Herc suggested.  
“No” Burr said, “Last time we did that he came out of a nightmare into a flashback. He didn't remember where he was or who we were for a minute after that, he was so scared, we cannot do that again.”  
“We can’t let him stay like this for too long, the professor says it's bad for him, to relive it for too long.” Herc said.  
“If we could get him to stop shaking….” Laf muttered. Herc wrapped the blanket tighter around John's shoulders so it clamped his hands to his sides. Laf started again.  
“John. John, wake up.” Laf said shaking him gently. John began to sob. But his eyes started to blink open. They let out a collective sigh. Herc let go of the blanket. They could all see John shaking. He opened his eyes and managed to gain control of his breathing. He wiped away his shiney tears. He saw Herc, Laf, and Burr.  
“Thanks guys.” He said his voice shaking.   
“What was it?” Herc asked.   
“Sixth grade Social Studies project.” John shuddered. They sighed. Then John remembered Alex was there.   
“I'm sorry you had to see that.” John said.  
“It's fine John.” He said, giving him a hug, “I’m just glad you're okay.”   
“Thank you.” John said, “I'm sorry about this. I'm going to try to get some restful sleep before tests tomorrow. Goodnight.” John said.  
“Goodnight.” Burr, Laf, and Herc said.   
“Goodnight.” Alex said kissing John’s cheek. John went to his room. They four boys sat in silence for awhile. Alex hated to admit it, but what he had seen scared him. He hated seeing his happy John that way. He felt terrible that he hadn't been able to do anything.   
“How do you do it?” Alex asked.  
“What?” Laf asked.  
“Know how to calm him down.”   
“We went to go see Professor Washington after we first found out, he told us what to do.” Burr said.   
“What did he mean sixth grade Social Studies project?”   
“His nightmare.” Herc said. “That was the time it was about. He doesn't like to talk about it. It was on of the really bad times.”  
“The nightmare, too. It's usually not that hard to wake him up. It used to be a lot worse, two or three of that intense ones a night in the beginning of the year.” Laf said.  
“No wonder it was that bad, that is one of the worst stories.” Burr said.  
“What happened?” Alex asked. They exchanged glances. Laf started the story.  
“When John was in sixth grade his teacher asked everyone to write an article about what they believe in. John wrote about LGBT rights. His teacher wanted him to publish it in the newspaper. John agreed. But before they sent it, Henry found it. He……….” Laf trailed off.  
“Threw John in the pond behind their house.” Burr said solemnly.  
“Henry kicked John in the back, it broke his collarbone.” Herc said, his voice sad and far off. Alex sucked in his breath. He felt a pang of guilt as if it was somehow his fault. There was so much he didn't know about his boyfriend, it made him feel terrible. He checked his watch.  
“I better be getting back to my apartment.” Alex said.   
“Bye.” They said.  
“Bye.” Alex said. He took his things and was about to leave, when something stopped him. “Thank you for being such good friends to John.” He said, then he closed the door and left.   
……………………………………………………………………………  
John waited outside of the room where Alex took that last test of the school year. The truth was he felt really embarrassed out his nightmares. Laf, Herc, and Burr were used to it, but the look on Alex’s face, like John was some crazy wild animal, it made him feel self conscious. John felt like there was something wrong with him, normal people don't have haunting flashbacks to their childhood. But not many people grew up like John did. His train of thought was broken by the opening of the door. Alex came out and saw John.   
“Hey!” John said, kissing Alex’s cheek.  
“Hey.” Alex said.  
“Happy last test of the year!” John said.   
“Happy last test of the year to you too.” Alex took John's hand and led him out onto the campus. They walked around talking about the tests about which Professors they liked and didn’t like.  
“What are your summer plans?” Alex asked.  
“I don't know. Musical Theatre with the Schuyler's. Bringing Shelly to lake George.Getting a full time job for the summer. And spending time with you. What about you?”   
“I don't know. Summer job. Summer reading. Summer writing. And spending time with you.” Alex said. They were both in the same situation, no family they could go back and visit. “John, can I ask you something?” Alex asked, hesitating.  
“Anything.” John said.  
“I know you don't like talking about what happened there, but what was your nightmare about?” Alex said. John didn't responded for a second, he looked off into the distance and shuddered. That was one of the signs he was having a flashback. Eventually he began in a quiet voice.  
“I was in sixth grade. My social studies teacher assigned this project, where you had to write a persuasive essay about something you really believed in. I wrote about LGBT rights. The teacher thought it was so good, she wanted it published in the paper. I agreed. I wanted to do something to show Father he hadn't broken me. So the teacher had no idea what my father was like. So she gave him a copy before it was in the newspaper. When he found out, I was outside. Father had asked me to get the big cover off the grill. The grill is by the pond in our back yard. So he came out of the house screaming at me. He was saying that I don't deserve to be loved. I tried to run, because that's what he always said before he……. Before he hit me. But tripped at he stood over me, and I tried to crawl away, but he kicked me. He broke my collarbone. Then. He took me by my collar, down to the little dock we had that went out into the water. He threw me in. I couldn't swim very well with my collarbone broken. I thought I was going to drown. I made it out though. It was really scary, I couldn't tell which way I was supposed to swim, and the water was freezing. After I got out my father was gone. So I walked to the emergency room. I told them I feel off a ladder. When they asked about the other bruises on my back, I said there were legos on the floor. They believed me. They gave me a brace cast thing, and I walked back home.”   
Alex looked at him in silence for a moment. Then hugged him.   
“You deserve to be loved. I love you. Don't forget that, okay.”  
“Okay. I love you too.” John said smiling. Alex kissed him.   
“I want you to know that I seriously want to murder your father.” Alex said. John gave a bitter laugh.   
“I'll help, the Schuyler's will want to come too,and we may as well invite Herc, Laf, and Burr.” They laughed. And continued their walk. John glowed for the rest of the day, because for the first time in his life someone had told him the opposite of his father’s words. You deserve to be loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter till Henry Laurens.


	20. The Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday JOhn! then another jump in time. Happy one year anniversary to John and Alex, but their night is ruined by a phone call from one of John's family members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the birthday part of the chapter is poorly written, I had no inspiration.

Alex rushed out of the door, his shift had just ended in time, any longer and he would be late. He rushed outside. It was about nine in the morning of october the 28th. He hurried to the apartment, his John’s, Laf’s, Herc’s, and Burr’s (And Shelly). They had all moved there over the summer. They had all worked full time together over the summer at a cafe. It had been great, the manager loved them, he said they made the staff a family. Which was pretty true since the five of them all lived together. The only disadvantage to the apartment was their neighbors, Thomas, James, John Jay, Samuel Seabury, and John Adams. It was too many Johns! John Jay, John Adams, and John Laurens. All of them in the same apartment complex. But it had still been a good summer. He had seen John perform in a musical, which he would be eternally teased about by Herc and Laf, but not Burr because he was in it too. It was John’s Birthday today. They had planned a party, nothing to big, but they were still all excited. It was his 19th birthday. But only the 8th one he celebrated. So they figured all his birthdays had to make up for lost time. Alex was already 19. They were a little ways into their second year of college. Then there were John’s sisters, Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy. Angelica was in her senior year. Eliza was a Junior. Peggy was a Senior in highschool. They were all coming to John’s birthday party. Along with his sort of honorary parents, Catherine and Philip.   
“Alex!” Laf said when he walked through the door, “Good you’re finally here.” Eliza waved to him as she walked by carrying a ton of balloons.   
“Even I got here before you.” Peggy said, giving him a judgemental look.  
“Sorry I was at the Cafe.” Laf nodded.   
“Hercules! What are you doing?” came Burr’s voice from another room. There was a loud crashing noise.   
“Ow!” Herc yelled.   
“I told you so. You need a ladder or don’t put the streamers up that high.”  
“Fine.” Herc said.   
“Shelly bit me!!!!!” Peggy yelled.  
“You deserve it! You never leave the poor turtle alone!” Angelica shouted.  
“Things are pretty hectic here.” Laf said. Alex nodded.  
“Anything I can do?” Alex asked.  
“Yes.” Laf said, “Find John in whatever class he’s in right now. Wait outside the door than bring him here.” Alex nodded.  
“I’m on it.”   
……………………………………………………………………………..  
Alex saw the classroom door open, letting a flood of students out. He looked through the crowd and didn't see John. He peeked inside. He saw John standing there talking to Professor Washington.   
“John!” Alex called. John turned to see him.   
“Hey, Alex.”   
“Happy Birthday!” Alex said, planting a kiss on John’s cheek.   
“Hello Mr. Hamilton.” Professor Washington said, “It’s your birthday? I didn’t realize. Your 19th, right?” John nodded.  
“Yes, sir. That’s what I came to talk to you about. I was wondering if I could cancel my session today.” John said.  
“Of course.” Professor Washington said grinning. “Have a happy birthday.” the two boys left.   
“Where are we going?” John asked.  
“Back to the apartment.” Alex said. Dragging him by the hand.  
“Why are we running?”  
“Because we’re really late.” They arrived at the door. Laf threw it open just as they were about to knock.  
“Strawberry and Strawberries boyfriend are here!” Laf yelled. Everyone clapped. John rolled his eyes at the dumb nickname.   
“Thank you, guys.” John said. “This is so nice.” he was beaming. They opened presents and ate cake. Everything was perfect, nothing could mess it up.  
……………………………………………………………………………………….  
John had hoped his one year anniversary with Alex was going to be as calm as his birthday. It had been, till about halfway through dinner, when John’s rotten luck caught up with him. Him and Alex had gone to the same cafe where they had their first date. It had been a great evening. They had talked and laughed, and been called a “cute couple” by two waiters and an elderly couple.   
“So he told me to stop yelling at him, that he was just joking, but-” Alex was in the middle of a story about a time he destroyed Samuel in a debate in the apartment complex’s laundry room. He was cut off by John’s phone. John saw the number, Martha. She could only usually call and talk for awhile every third thursday of the month, this was not one of those days.  
“It’s Martha.” John said, shocked.   
“Answer just incase something's wrong.” Alex said. John answered.  
“Hello?”  
“John, thank god you answered, I know it’s your anniversary.”  
“Martha, are you okay? What’s going on?”   
“I’m fine. Dad doesn’t know. The others are safe.”  
“Okay good.”  
“You're about to get a phone call from someone you won’t want to hear from, but you have to listen to him.”   
“Why would he call me?”  
“He wants you to come to this thing for his campaign. And I think he wants to try to reconnect with you, it’s bad for his reputation if he has had no contact with his eldest son.”   
“Why should I care what’s good for him?”  
“John becoming governor will make him happier, him being happier makes it easier to lie to him. Making it easier for me to graduate from high school without him finding out.”   
“I’ll do what he says.” John sighed, “for you, not him.”   
“Thank you! Good luck. Bye.”   
“Bye.” John hung up. Then his phone rang again. He answered.   
“John Laurens?” asked the voice. A very familiar voice. John’s hands started to shake. He couldn’t do this images started flashing through his head. Then ALex grab his hand. You can do this Alex mouthed.  
“Yes. Who is this?” John said.  
“This is Henry Laurens, your Father.”  
“Why are you calling me?” John said his voice harsh.  
“You’re my son, despite our differences, i believe I have the right to know where you are.”  
“Then, why are you calling over a year after I left?” John said.   
“Giving you time to get settled so you can prove to me you have a worthwhile life there.” Henry said. John laughed.   
“Like you ever cared about my happiness.”   
“John please, just tell me how your life is.”  
“It’s fine, now that I’m away from you.”   
“John you will not speak to me in that manor. You are going to fly down here with a ticket I purchased for you, you may bring one friend. You will attend my christmas dinner and you will be friendly. You will not talk to your brothers and sisters about our past. And then you will fly back. You will do this in the summer and at christmas, from now on. You will treat me with respect is that clear.”   
“Yes Father.”  
“Good I will see you at christmas.”   
“Yes Father.”  
“Goodbye John. Remember I only am trying to give you a good life, I do what is necessary.”   
“Goodbye.” he hung up. He slammed his hands on the table. “Ugh! I hate him! He acts like somehow i don’t treat him with respect. That I am still under his control. That him being abusive is my fault, not his choice.” Alex nodded.  
“He’s evil. You’ll be rid of him once Martha graduates, then he’ll get his punishment.”  
“I know. It’s just hard. His voice, it brings back too many bad memories.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter may take awhile. There's some pretty crazy family drama at the Laurens'


	21. Return to South Carolina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex go to visit Henry Laurens. It doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to write here.

Everyone was furious at Henry when they found out about the call. Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy all started crying and screaming, Angelica gave a long stream of insults directed to Henry Laurens. Herc ripped out a whole row of seams on a dress he was making without his seam ripper. Laf chucked a pillow and broke a flower vase. Burr printed out a picture of Henry Laurens and put it on their dartboard.(Everyone enjoyed playing that game) Alex tried to comfort John, while internally seething with rage. He accepted John’s request to come with him. It was the worst for John. He had at least one flashback every three hours, and woke up eight or nine times every night from a nightmare. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. His father was everywhere. He followed him when he was awake, and more when he was asleep. He lived just like he had when he was younger, in fear He woke up crying. He had trouble focusing in class, because he would be stuck in a different time. The day of the flight finally came. John had barely slept all night. He had sat on the couch too scared of what would haunt him to close his eyes. Professor Washington after hearing about his trouble sleeping had given him medication, but the night before it didn’t help. He didn’t sleep at all. Alex and him rolled their suitcases across the airport. They got through security. Eventually they waited at their gate.   
“You ready?” Alex asked.  
“No.” John gulped, “I didn’t sleep at all last night.”  
“Did you take your medication?”  
“Yes, but I was still too nervous.” John said, his hands shaking a little. Alex kissed his cheek.   
“It will be fine. You're okay. As long as I’m here, I won’t let anyway hurt you.” Alex promised holding both of John’s hands, “Your father doesn’t deserve a son like you.” John smiled.  
“I don’t deserve a boyfriend as good as you.” John said.  
“Never say that. You deserve love. You deserve happiness, no matter what Henry Laurens says.”   
“I love you.” John said, hugging him.  
“I love you too.” They just sat there for awhile, holding hands in the silence of anticipation.   
“Now boarding Flight 24G.” They picked up their suitcases and headed for the gate. They sat in silence on the plane. John gripped Alexander’s hand the whole ride. John eventually fell asleep. Alex woke him when he saw the silent tears dripping from his eyes. He rested his head on Alex’s chest. They waited. The flight was short compared to most, but it took forever in their minds. When the plane finally touched ground. Alex was worried for John, John had been shaking during the flight. They waited so they were the last ones on the plan.  
“Remember the plan?” John asked.  
“Yup. I'm just one of your roommates.” Alex said. John nodded.   
“I'm so sorry about this. Remember that I love you.”  
“You remember too, John, someone will always be there for you Alex said, then kissed John's freckled forehead. “You got this.” They walked out of the plane and into the area full of people waiting for their planes to arrive. Then John saw them and his heart nearly stopped. They looked so much older. Martha caught his attention first.   
“John!” She yelled.  
“Martha!” He yelled they ran toward each other and hugged. She whispered in his ear.   
“Is that Alexander?”   
“Yup.”  
“You scared?”  
“Out of my mind.”   
“You can do it.” He looked behind her. James seemed about two inches taller. Henry was maybe four inches taller. Mary was so different, her hair was much longer. Mary was 13. Henry was 14. James was 15. Martha was 16. They all seemed so different. His father wasn't there, thankfully.  
“It's good to see you guys.” John said smiling. James, Henry, and Mary stared at him blankly as if they didn't know him as the brother they had grown up with. They stared at him like there was something wrong with him, just like father used to. His heart sank.   
“Everyone, this is Alexander, my friend from college. You can call him Alex.” They nodded, but didn't answer him.   
“This is our Nanny, Abigail.” She said gesturing to a young looking women. She waved. They ride back to the Laurens manor was just as cold. No one said anything to John. Martha gave him an apologetic look. John tried to silently tell her it was fine. Martha and Alex both saw John shaking. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out. All his breathing still came out shakily. Alex had to resist the urge to grab his hand to calm him down.   
When the roads began to look familiar, John lost it. Every inch of this place held a memory. Most were bad. John tried to keep his mind away from those. He tried to remember the good times, reading under a tree, getting Martha ice cream, doing homework by the creek, and watching turtles in the lake. But there weren’t that many of those memories. The flashbacks started. One by one. One would end and the next would begin. He forgot where he was. He ost sense of what was going on in reality. He didn’t cry, just stared blankly into space, while he experienced all the bad memories of his childhood again. Alex had to shake John’s shoulder to get him out of the car.   
There stood the big white house. That big white house where everything always went wrong. He couldn’t bring himself to move. Martha came up to him.  
“You can do it, John.” She said, “Just try to forget what happened here, focus on all your good memories in New York.” John nodded. They all walked inside.  
“John!” called a voice, a evil voice that made John feel like a little sixth grader with a broken collarbone. “It’s good to see you, son!” he said shaking John’s hand with a fake smile. John couldn’t bring himself to smile. “I would like you to meet, Mr. and Mrs. Manning, and their daughter, Martha Manning. They’ll be joining us for dinner this evening.” John gave a small wave. Martha Manning looked uncomfortable.   
“Two Martha’s yay!” James said sarcastically, in a halfhearted attempt to break the silence.   
“Who is this man here?” Henry asked pointing to Alex.  
“This is one of my roommates from college, Alexander Hamilton.” John said. Henry smiled, again a fake one.  
“Why don’t we start dinner?” They all nodded and made their way to the dining room. On the way there he caught a glimpse of the pond in the back, and could almost feel the water closing over his head. He started shaking again, seeing the living room where his diary had been burned. All the rooms where his only memories were of his father’s hands. They sat down at the table. Salads were brought out.  
“So,” Mr. Manning started, “John, you’re attending college in New York.”   
“Yes, sir.” John said  
“Have you decided what you’re majoring in?”  
“Yes. Marine biology.” John said, glancing at his father. Henry Laurens didn’t believe the sciences were worthwhile. His father made a disappointed grunt.   
“And you said Alexander was one of your roommates, you have others?”  
“Yes. Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette.”   
“That’s a lot of people!” Mr. Manning said.  
“No, that’s one person with a very long name.” John said. Alex laughed, no one else did. Both Marthas offered him a smile. “Then there’s Hercules Mulligan and Aaron Burr. But before I moved in with them I lived with the Schuyler’s.”  
“The Schuyler’s.” His father said in a disapproving tone. John nodded. He put his hands under the table to hide their shaking.   
“Are your grades good.”  
“Yes, straight A’s just like in highschool.”   
“Very impressive.” Mr. manning asked him a few more standard questions about college.   
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Mr. Manning asked smiling playfully.  
“No.” John said. He wasn’t even technically lying on that one. His father glanced between him and Alexander. Then turned back to his food. Mr. Manning smiled at his daughter. She gave him a I’m going to kill you glare. John was more concerned with his father’s facial expressions. He had seen father do this before, try to set him up with daughters of other rich politicians, it was one of his classical 1700s style habits. Dinner was long. By the time the Manning’s left there was so much tension you could feel it in the air. Once they lifted Henry announced, that he had to go to his campaign office in town to meet with his speech writer. He left. John closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair and let all the flashbacks he had been holding back role over him. When they finally stopped John was shaking all over.   
“You okay?” Alex asked.  
“Yeah I’ll be fine, just hard being back.” Martha was still there, but everyone else had left the room.   
“We need to talk.” Martha said. “I think we need to explain everything to Henry, James, and Martha. Right now they think John is crazy and a bad example, that you went to college in New York because respectable schools wouldn’t accept you.”  
“But schools are better in New York!” John protested.  
“They don’t know that. We need to tell them.”  
“I agree, I don’t want to lose them.” John said. “Father’s gone. What time could be better.” Martha went to go get them. They sat the three of them down. They looked at John as if he were some alien that had replaced their brother.   
“We’ve been lying to you guys for a long time.” Martha started. “I told you lies about why John went away, about why Dad invited him back. Dad’s been telling you lies too, he’s not the person he seems.” they looked confused. She looked to John to start. John gulped.  
“The truth is I ran away when I went to New York.” he said.   
“Why?” Mary asked.   
“It was safer for me there.”  
“What do you mean?” James asked.  
“If you want to here the full story, you have to promise you won’t tell Father you know.” They looked at him strangely.   
“I promise.” Mary said.   
“I promise.” Henry said.  
“I promise.” James said. John took a deep breath.   
“So guys, I would like to properly introduce you to Alexander Hamilton, my boyfriend.” John said, he took Alex’s hand. They stared at him, Henry looked like he’d been slapped. James’s face was blank. Mary looked as if she were about to cry. “You’re turn, Martha.” She rolled her eyes at him.   
“We’re both homosexual.” She said. They looked again, as if they had been slapped. “Remember how we used to see John cry, and how he would have nightmares, and bruises. He's going to tell you the whole story. He cleared his throat and began.  
“The night Mother died…..” he began. He told them everything. From Father hearing his confession to Mom to deciding to come here. They looked shocked.  
“Father did those terrible things.” Mary gasped. He could tell it was hard for them, they had been raised to agree with everything their father said. They were raised to hate John. He could see the pain on Henry and James’s faces. They didn't know how to feel, they were supposed to hate John, but he was their brother, he could see that struggle. Alex laid a hand on John’s shoulder.   
“You did it.” he said smiling. John kissed him.  
“Thank you, for coming, Alex, I don’t know what I would have done without you.” he locked eyes with his siblings.  
“You can't tell father you know. He’ll take his anger out on you guys, I can’t let that happen. They nodded.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………….  
Henry Laurens lay in bed, going over the day in his head. It had been hard to see his son. John looked so pained. All Henry ever wanted to do was fix him. Where had he gone wrong? He had taught him the same as the other children, but nothing changed. All  
That work and John was still a disappointment. Then he heard a scream. He crept into the hallway. He remembered hearing John scream in his sleep when he was little. He saw that other boy, Alexander rushing down the hall to John’s room.   
“What are you doing?” Henry asked him. They boy looked at him with pure loathing.  
“I need to help John.”  
“He’s grown. He shouldn’t be screaming from his silly little nightmares anymore.”  
“He wouldn’t if it wasn’t for you.” Alexander spat, then shoved through the door. John was shaking insanely, muttering in strangled whispers over sobs for Father to stop. That’s was what he was saying. Was John dreaming about Henry? He shook away the thought. Everything he had done to his son was for a reason.   
“What’s going on?” He asked. Alexander ignored his question.   
“This isn’t good. After all the flashbacks today, coming out of it will be hard.” Alex muttered. He began to shake John. He would whisper in his ear.   
“This is foolish, just yell!” Henry said.  
“No! It makes it worse.” Alexander said. Henry rolled his eyes, and shouted in his son’s ear.  
“JOHN LAURENS.” He screamed.  
“NO!” Alexander said. John sat upright. He didn’t respond to Alexander calling his name. “Look what you’ve done you sent him into a flashback!”   
“All I did was wake him up!”  
“It’s your fault he has do deal with this.”  
“What?” Henry asked.  
“Get out.” Alexander commanded.  
“You can’t dismiss me, I’m the one who owns the house!”  
“I’m just trying to help him! Unlike you! Because the only thing you can do is ruin everything good in his life! Get out!” Alexander closed the door to the room leaving Henry in the hallway. He listened through the door.  
“John. Calm down. It’s me.”   
“He said... I don’t deserve to be loved. I don’t deserve you. I’m broken. I shouldn’t.”  
“Hey, you’re not allowed to listen to him. He tried to fix you when you weren’t broken. He doesn’t have the right to tell you what you can and cannot do.”   
“I’m scared, Alex. I can’t be here. I can’t be around him. I can’t keep living in that time.” John said.  
“It’s okay. You’re safe. We can go home soon.”   
“Home.” John said. “He welcomed me home. How did he think this was ever my home?”  
“I don’t know. I don’t understand him. But you can get through this, John. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”   
“I love you.” John whispered.  
“I love you, too.” Alex said. Henry’s blood boiled. This man corrupting his son. Telling him he didn’t have to listen to his father! It was ridiculous, what right did he have. Henry threw open the door.   
“JOHN LAURENS! HOW DARE--” He started. John met his gaze calmly.  
“I would like to speak to you privately.” he said. He got up and walked down the stairs. Henry followed him. They walked onto Henry’s office.   
………………………………………………………………………………………  
John didn’t really know what he was thinking, all he knew was he was done with his father. His father glared at him as he faced him in the office.  
“What was that?” Henry screeched, turning on John. “I thought I raised you better.” John laughed a bitter laugh.  
“Raised me better? By hitting me. By isolating me? By telling me I didn’t deserve to be loved. You know because of you, I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It means I have to relive what you did to me over and over day after day.”  
“All I did was try to fix you!”  
“I was never broken!” John shouted.   
“You are my son!” Henry screeched, “You are supposed to do as I say!”  
“No” John said cooly.  
“What did you just say to me?” Henry asked in a deadly whisper.  
“No.” John repeated. Henry slapped him hard across the cheek. John glared at him, barely feeling the sting. “No. You can’t do that anymore. I am an adult. I make my own decisions. You have no right to control me.”   
“STOP!” Henry yelled. Throwing a full punch at him. John ducked, and Henry hit a lamp instead. John slipped out of the office. Alex, Martha, Mary, James, and Henry all stood on the stairs horrified. “YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO INSULT ME!” he screeched, this time his hand caught John’s shoulder. He winced.  
“Stop!” Alex cried, running toward John. Henry turned and tried to hit him, Alex ducked, and Henry barrelled into the couch.   
“You cannot attack my boyfriend. You can not attack me. I am no longer a child.”  
“You will always be a child. You will always be clueless. You will always have to be punished!” He screamed.  
“For what? Existing? Disagreeing with you? Being gay? These are not things that you are allowed to punish for. I am not ashamed of who I am.”  
“THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF! YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THIS FAMILY!”  
“You were never apart of my family!” John shouted.   
“I AM YOUR FATHER!” Henry said running toward him. John dodged him.   
“A real father would not punish me for being who I am. A real father would accept me. A real father would love me.” John said  
“I DO LOVE YOU. THAT’S WHY I WORK SO HARD TO FIX YOU!”   
“FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT BROKEN.” John yelled. They stood there glaring at each other. Everyone on the stairs was too afraid to speak. “That’s it.” John said. “We’re leaving.” John stomped out the front door. Alex followed him out, he had somehow thought to bring their suitcases downstairs. Just before he closed the door John left one final threat.  
“Don’t think you’ll get away with treating me like this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited for the next few chapters. I can't wait!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John decides it's time for the world to see what Henry Laurens has done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is about fa fluffy as it gets for awhile. We have lots of court stuff coming up.

John and Alex sat in the airport, waiting for their flight. It was around three in the morning and their plan was supposed to leave at four thirty. Them and a middle aged businessman were the only ones who had purchased tickets for the flight. They sat in silence. Then John’s phone rang, he answered.   
“Hello?”  
“John, It’s Martha, I’m on my way.”  
“What?”  
“I coming with you. I’m on my way to the airport.”  
“Martha, what’s wrong are you okay?”  
“I fine, but he hit me.”  
“He what?”   
“He was really angry after you left, I tried to reason with him, I ended up telling him about me. He hit me.”   
“Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine. I’ll see you there.” she hung up.   
“What was that about?” Alex asked.  
“He hit her.” John said shocked.  
“He what?”  
“I’m done with this. I’m reporting him.” John said. Alex nodded.  
“It’s time Henry Laurens got what he deserved.”  
…………………………………………………………………………………………  
Alex, John, and Martha arrived at the apartment at around 5:30 in the morning, but Aaron, Laf, and Herc were waiting, so were Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy.   
“You guys okay?” Eliza asked.  
“Fine, mostly, just tired.” Alex said. Martha and John nodded in agreement.   
“Can we talk about this tomorrow, when I don't feel like I'm going to pass out?” They nodded.   
“I'll sleep on the couch, Martha can have my room.” Burr offered, Martha agreed. John kissed Alex goodnight, then stumbled into his room, and feel asleep.   
………………  
First thing next morning, well afternoon really, john didn't wake up till around noon. He got on the phone and called professor Washington.  
“Hello?” Washington said.  
“Hello, professor. This is John Laurens.”  
“John? Aren't you visiting your father?” He seeked to realize it was Henry Laurens they were talking about. “Are you alright?”  
“I'm fine. But I’ve decided I want to take my father to court. I was wondering if you could help me find a lawyer.”  
“Of course. In fact I happen to work with your honorary father at a law firm when I'm not teaching. I think me and Phillip would be happy to help with legally punishing your father.”  
“You would really do that?”  
“Of course.”   
“Well thank you.”  
“Anytime.” They arranged plans to meet, so they could plan an official statement. He thanked him and hung up. He felt relieved, like a hot spike he hadn’t known existed was removed from his neck. He met up with him the same day and by dinner it was official they were accusing Henry Laurens of child abuse.   
…………  
That night they all sat on the couch, as the news came on.   
“Tonight we bring you an alarming story, particularly for residents of South Carolina. Henry Laurens campaign came to a screeching halt to day after he received the news that he was put on trial for Child Abuse. His son John Laurens is the one putting him on trial, along with Philip Schuyler and George Washington. It turns out John had just came back from visiting his father. Henry Laurens has not made a public statement on the issue yet. But we have uncovered that John has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Authorities have taken the other Laurens children to go stay with Henry Laurens’ sister Lydia Laurens. We will have more information on tomorrow. Stay tuned.” Peggy high fived John.   
“I hope you win.” Peggy said.   
“Of course he will he has all the facts and evidence he needs.” Eliza said.   
“I wonder what his sentence will be.” Angelica said.  
“With Child Abuse it varies extremely. If you're a first offender you might get fined or let off with a warning.If you have a criminal record it's usually jail for five or ten years. But it also depends if it's physical or mental damage, and the age of the child and the physical and mental effects it had on them. If they’re in really bad shape, it can be sentences as long as life in prison.” Alex said. “In John's case they’ll probably start be addressing the extend of the physical abuse. Then Henry’s lawyers will go at them saying John Was bribed to ruin Henry’s campaign. Then they’ll bring in the witnesses. Probably some of us, they’ll have us tell them about the PTSD attacks. The court will be more concerned with that. That John has permanent damage. Henry’s lawyers will try to say that he had a right to speak his opinions. That he was allowed to disapprove of his son’s choices. They’ll try to play down what happened, make it sound like he was insulting people like John and spanking John. They won’t address that it was hitting and kicking. But with the pictures you’ll be undefeatable. You’ve got this. Henry will get anywhere from twentyfive years to life, and definitely a restraining order and lose guardianship of the rest of the kids. I bet he’ll get life though, this is one of the bad cases. Especially since he’s well known. Just by reporting him you’ve ruined his career. There's no coming back from this. It's the end of Henry Laurens’ career.”   
“It's kind of scary.” Eliza said. “I mean, that someone can genuinely think that hitting someone for being gay is okay. That it's a form of discipline. I mean in his head, that makes sense. It's scary.” They nodded in silence.   
“Imagine being one of his lawyers.” Laf said. “They can't all be like him. They must somehow acknowledge in some way that what Henry did was terrible.”   
“Or maybe they don't.” Herc added, “maybe there are a lot of people who hate people like John, and think what Henry did was okay.”  
“It sucks that we live in the world where this would even have to happen. And there are so many other terrible things happening in the world. This is just one in millions.” Burr said.  
“It's sad. Just plain sad. That there are so many people who chose to hate what they don't understand.” John said. They sat in silence for a moment.   
“I think that was the most serious and philosophical conversation any group of college students have ever had sitting on a couch that we founded at the dump.” Alex said cheerfully. They started to laugh. Not because it was very funny. They just needed to laugh. That's it to just make a sound of pleasure to just be happy for a moment. To just be joyful before you’re tossed back into the shifting tides of the world. The little bit of lightness before the heavy topic of the trial. The calm before the storm. The eye of the hurricane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Can't. Wait. To. Send. Henry. Laurens. To. Jail.


	23. The Trial of Henry Laurens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE TRIAL OF HENRY LAURENS DUN DUN DUH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the random characters in this chapter are random colonial people, but Cooper, as in Dr. Cooper, is just a radom colonial last name. I really, really, really, enjoyed putting Henry Laurens on trial in this chapter.

“Ready?” Professor Washington asked. John gulped trying to gain control of his nerves. He fiddled with the buttons of his suit. He glanced around the small room nervously.  
“Ready.” He sighed. Mr. Schuyler and Professor Washington lead him into the courtroom. It was big and full of people and cameras. Lots of cameras. He tried to pick out his friends faces in the crowd. There they were. Herc, Laf, and Burr waved. Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy gave him a reassuring thumbs up. Martha smiled. Alex shouted something that sounded like you got this strawberry but he wasn't sure. It also could have been you’re dead cheerio but he was pretty sure it was the first one. He took his seat in between Washington and Schuyler. He looked across the room to where his father and his father's lawyers were. His heart filled with rage at the sight of him. He had tortured him and hit Martha, how could this man sit there without any punishment. But that's why they were here. The judge banged her gavel.  
“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Calling the case of John Laurens verses Henry Laurens. Are both sides ready?” She called. John suddenly had a strange thought. Court cases can be referred to as the case of the person and the other person's first or last names, more commonly last. This would be the Laurens Laurens case. He realized how nervous he was he never had thoughts that random unless he was panicking.   
“Ready, your honor.” Professor Washington said.  
“Ready, your honor.” one of Henry’s lawyers said. The judge swore in the jury, and Henry’s lawyers rose to begin.   
“Your Honor and ladies and gentlemen of the jury: under the law my client is presumed innocent until proven guilty. While he may be here because he has been accused of Child Abuse. He has not committed any crime, he has only spoken his belief, and disciplined a child. Our constitution gives Henry Laurens freedom of religion, so if John’s actions were against his religion freedom of speech gives him the right to say something about it.” He seemed to be done. “Thank you, your honor.” The judge nodded.   
“Your response.” George Washington stood ready to begin.   
“Your Honor and ladies and gentlemen of the jury: While Henry Laurens has the right to his religion and his speech, John does too. He is entitled to love who he chooses. He is entitled to speak up for himself without fear of physical abuse. Nor does freedom of speech illegalize verbal abuse. Speaking your opinion and crueling dehumanizing someone for there beliefs are not the same thing. Henry laurens was not disciplining a child he was physically and mentally harming a child.” George sat. “Thank you Your Honor.  
“Your response.”  
“Thank you, Your Honor. You have no proof that Abuse ever took place.” The lawyer began, Philip seemed to take this as an opening to speak.  
“We most certainly do have evidence. Permission to present said evidence, Your Honor.”   
“Granted.”  
“Around a year and a half ago, John left South Carolina to attend college in New York. He stayed with my family along with college roommates. In the fall of that year he was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by Professor George Washington. For those who do not know, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is when after a traumatic experience someone would have flashbacks and night terrors about the event, unscentianly living it over and over in one's head.” John looked up for a moment trying to see his father’s face, but he was looking down, just as John had been. “We believe that John has had this condition since around the time he was seven, but was not diagnosed till eighteen. So how could a young boy end up with this condition, abuse. Dating back to the time of his mother’s passing when he was six. As evidence we have digital documentation of the event.” A television screen was pulled out. “This video was retrieved from the Laurens County Hospital's digital archives.” The video began, a familiar seen he visrited many times. But this was the first time not seeing it in his own eyes. He saw his father yelling at him with no sound, saw as his father slapped him across the cheek, saw himself falling and hitting his head on a chair, saw his father rush into the hospital room, saw himself screaming as he shoved the door reaching for his dying mother. He heard several gasps from the jury. The video ended. “As you can see, Henry has hit his child. Thank you, Your Honor.”   
“Your response.” The Lawyers briefly conferred.   
“This video only sures one occurrence. The timing of this trial is suspicious. Just as Henry is leading the poles someone offers John money to demolish his father’s name. Just seems plausible. It doesn’t ease my fears that his lawyers happen to be the man who hosted him and the man who diagnosed him.” George leaned over and whispered to John as the lawyer kept talking about this being suspicious.   
“This is going to backfire on him.”   
“Thank you, Your Honor.” Philip stood up again. “Suspicious. What I think is suspicious is that we never saw John at any of your speeches or big political events. That you didn’t know when he left for college in New York. That you didn’t try to see him until over a year after. That he never went to the event you invited him back to attend. That he flew back to New York at three in the morning to and immediately after called to bring you to court. John couldn’t have gone to the police as a child, his father employed the police. His father controlled the whole town. No one would have believed John if he had tried to tell someone. We would like to call our first witness, Doctor Cooper of the Laurens County Hospital.” A familiar man walked in, John’s childhood doctor.   
“Dr. Cooper, You treated John when he was living in South Carolina?”  
“Yes.”  
“When was the first time you treated him? And Why?”  
“He was about eleven at the time, in sixth grade. He was treated for a broken collarbone and bruising and cuts on his back.”  
“What did he tell you the injuries were from?”  
“He said he had fallen off a ladder onto a pile of legos.” GEorge gave John a strange look.  
“Pile of legos?” He whispered.  
“I was eleven.”   
“Your bad lying is actually in advantage in this case.”  
“Was there anything odd about his visit?”   
“Yes. First of all, I’m sure he’s lying about the ladder and legos. Falling off most ladders would break your arm more likely. And you could tell from the way the bone broke it had been more like something fell on him. Also the bruises on his back were too large and numerous to be from legos. Also he was wet, he was soaking. He just walked through the door and was dripping all over the emergency room. He was alone too.”   
“Were there any other visits?”  
“Yes.”  
“What was the next one?”  
“He came in with a burn.”  
“From?”  
“The women with him, the Laurens’ nanny at the time said he was trying to cook.”  
“Do you believe this?”  
“No.”  
“What is your theory?”  
“He had bruising, as seemed to be usual with him. But the burn wasn’t on one hand, it was on both, the palms. Like he had been trying to stop himself from smashing onto the oven.” John remembered. It was from the best two years of his life, the time he had actually had a friend. His name was Will, William actually. William was like Alex, Bisexual. So him and William got along, John had never liked William that way, but William had like John. This particular event with the burning of the hands was the year him and William became friends. He had gone to stay the weekend at William’s house. Will’s family was totally accepting of him. They decided that would take John and Will to a Pride. It was the best day of John’s life. No one yelled at him. No one hit him. They just let him be himself. Henry had found out though. He had been looking at the picture they had taken there in his bedroom, and Henry had saw. He had chased John downstairs as he tried to get help. He had ran through the kitchen, and that’s where Henry had caught up to him. He grabbed at screamed at him. John had tried to pull away. Henry had slapped him, then let him go. He had been right next to the stove. He through his hands back so it wouldn’t hurt his back. It had hurt terribly. He didn’t tell his father. He asked the Nanny to take him to the hospital. When John came out of the flashback Dr. Cooper had told several more stories.   
“I treated him for a concussion along with broken a broken arm and rib in his junior year of highschool. This other boy showed up carrying him. John was badly bruised on the face, back, and arms. Worse than I’ve seen in awhile.” he knew this story. He had been passed out for this part, arriving at the hospital. But he remembered it. He hated to. But he did. It was there in his dreams every night. He’d never told the story. Not to anyone, but Shelly. Because it was terrifying and stupid.   
John ran out of the school. He was going to be late to pick up Martha, his teacher had kept him after class to talk to him about being more social. William was waiting for him outside.   
“Hey!” he said.  
“Hey.” William said, smiling. They were two of maybe ten kids still in the parking lot. William dragged him around the side of the school.   
“I wanted to ask you something.” Will said.  
“What?”  
“Will you go to Junior Prom with me?”  
“Will I-” John started, he was surprised he had never really liked Will that way.   
“I know you’re father would kill you. But we could meet there and we won’t make it obvious were there as more than just friends.” Will said, blushing. John didn’t want to hurt his friends feelings.   
“I’ll go with you.” John said. Will smiled. Then he did something else unexpected. Will kissed him. It was the first time John had been kissed. John didn't know what to do. He tried to preserve that memory, the warm feeling, of simple happiness.  
“Bye!” he said.  
“Bye.” John whispered. He felt bad lying lying to Will. The part that scared him was he didn't feel like he was lying. Then it hit him. He liked Will, but what his father said had got to him. He shook away the thought. He felt like he was floating on a cloud the whole way home. His father wasn't home yet. John sat in his room and started his homework. James and Henry were the only ones home. Mary and Martha had gone to a friends house. He heard the door slam downstairs. Something in his gut told him something was terribly wrong. He heard a knock on his door, then his father slowly pushed it open.  
“John.” Father said. John froze not moving, not daring to breath. “I got an interesting phone call from one of my coworkers. He was picking up his daughter at school. He saw you there.” John's stomach clenched. “He said he saw you and a boy. Kissing.” John did what his instincts told him. He bolted. Henry ran after him. John didn't make it to the end of the hallway. He was too small, too scrawny, too scared to get away from his father. The first slap stung against his back. Again and again. John kept trying to stumble away. He could make out what his father was saying. Only the rapid beating of his heart. He made to the stairs. He tried to start down, but then his father hit him and he stumbled. Father shoved hard into the wall. The world faded from his view as he tumbled down the stairs.  
They next time he woke up he was in the hospital at around four in the morning. Will was there.   
“What happened?” John asked, trying to sit up.  
“Easy.” Will said, “you’re in pretty bad shape.”   
“What happened?” He asked again.  
“The doctors think we were hiking one of the harder trails near here and you slipped because of all the rain lately and feel down the rocks.” Will said. John was relieved he had a lie.   
“What do we think happened?” John asked.   
“I don't know what happened before. But I tried calling you six times and you didn't answer. I went to make sure you were okay. I knocked and no one answered. No of your siblings were there, your father wasn't. I went inside. You were there at the bottom of the stairs past out. You were bleeding. You were are crumpled. I tried to wake you up. I panicked. I drove you here. Then carried you in. They mobbed you. They wouldn't let me in. I didn't call your father. I didn't call my parents. I just waited. They let me in after awhile, they said you were lucky not to have broken your neck.”  
“What did I break?”  
“A rib. And arm. And you sprained your foot. A lot of bruises. And a huge gash. You got stitches for that. You have a pretty bad concussion too.”   
“That's why the room is spinning.” John laughed. “How long have I be here?”  
“It's like four in the morning.” William paused. “John, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, if I hadn't kissed you this never would have happened.   
“It's okay.”  
“No it’s not. Your Father could have killed you. I’m so sorry.”  
“My father is the only one to blame. You did nothing wrong.” He sat there for a while. He held John's hand and listened to the beeping of all the machines. John had never stayed in a hospital for long. He never all these tubes and other stuff on him before. It felt weird. But what felt good was William holding his hand. John feel asleep eventually. William slept on one of the chairs. Will woke him up at some point. And whispered in his ear.  
“I'm so sorry.” Then kissed John's cheek. That was the last time he ever saw William. John stayed in the hospital for two weeks. His father pretended like it never happened, so John did too. But every night it haunted his nightmares.  
“John.” Phillip hissed in his ear. He looked up becoming aware of where he was again. George Washington was now talking.   
“Sorry. Flashbacks.” he muttered.   
“It’s fine. But I’m warning you. He’s going to call up a few more witnesses, then he’s going to show the pictures.” John nodded thankful for the warning.   
“Next we would like to call witness, Martha Laurens.”  
“You’re John’s sister, correct?”  
“Yes.”  
“Have you seen Henry Laurens hit John?”  
“Yes.”  
“When?”  
“On several occasions. I didn’t know why he did until John left. I was the only one John told about being gay. I knew for a while before that, that he was being hit.”  
“What was the first time?”  
“John’s first day of fifth grade. It was early in the morning and I smelled smoke. So I went down to see what was wrong. I saw Father holding John in frount of a fire making him watch something burn. Then he hit him. John was crying. I didn’t understand what was going on. Father left and John sat there and cried for a little. Then, he started to get ready for school.”  
“Has your father ever hit you?”  
“Once.”  
“When?”  
“About a week ago, I tried to reason with him after John and Alex left in the middle of the night. He was already angry. And usually when he is he takes it out on John. He hit me.”  
“Have any of your siblings witnessed similar behavior?”  
“I don’t know.” Martha said, looking toward them in the crowd. They all averted their eyes. But then James stood up.   
“We would like to call witness James Laurens.” Martha left and James went up. John tried to meet James’s eyes as he walked. James ignored him.   
“Have you witnessed your father hit your siblings?”  
“Yes.”  
“When?”  
“We all saw him hit Martha. But I saw him hit John.” he said.  
“When?”  
“They time he got a concussion.”  
“Please describe the event.”  
“Me and Henry, my brother, were home. Henry playing in the backyard. I was watching TV downstairs. All of the sudden I heard a ton of yelling. I peeked to where the stairs meet the lower part of the house. John was running down, Dad was behind him. Neither of them saw me. I saw Dad slap John from behind, I saw John stumble. Then I saw Dad shove his head into the wall, I saw John fall down the stairs. I went outside, because of was scared. A few minutes later, Dad took me and Henry to his office. John was gone when we got back. He wasn’t there. I thought he was dead. The next day we got a call saying John was in the hospital. He had a concussion, a broken arm, a broken rib, and lots of bruises. They said he’d fallen down some huge rocks while hiking. He was there for two weeks. I was too terrified to tell anyone what I’d seen.”   
John was stunned, he had no idea James had seen. He was even more surprised he would be a witness. Next Washington called up Alex, to give further details on the night him and Alex had left Henry’s house. He described the PTSD attacks John had. He told what it was like to watch him shake and tremble out of pure terror of the past. ALex had a way with words, that left a few members of the Jury in tears. Then he pulled out the pictures. All the ones he had taken over the years, along with the pictures the hospital had taken, and the X-rays. A few more jury members were lost to tears. But John didn’t think it was because of the photos, it was because of their captions, under each picture was a little blurb John had written after he got it. Some were long telling the whole story. Some were on days when he let Henry get in his head. He heard several of the jury members, and people watching burst into tears, when they went past one he had written when he was eleven, it was under the picture of his burned hands.  
Because I tried to escape my punishment. I forgot my place. I forgot that I am a disgrace. I forgot that I didn’t deserve to be loved. He felt so many eyes on him, so many people knew the thing that had happened to him now. Everyone here. Everyone watching through the license of the video cameras. George sat down. The judge looked to Henry’s lawyers. They had no hope. John and George and Phillip had won. The lawyers looked to each other for help. But Henry sighed and stood up.  
“As you all know I am Henry Laurens. You probably think I’m some terrible monster. Well if you think I’m the monster, then fine. I don’t want to live in a world where people like my daughter and son and his boyfriend are pitied. Where I am the monster for trying to fix him.” I am not broken, I am stronger then you will ever be. You are the broken one, only a broken man can justify what you did. John thought. “Call it what you want. I did what they say I did. Lock me up if you want, anything to get away from the disgrace that was once my son.” Henry Laurens sat there. Everyone was stunned. The jury voted. The judge banged his gavel.  
“The Jury finds Henry Laurens guilty. His sentence will be determined later.” John felt a surge of joy he was free from his father. George shook his hand. Phillip shook his hand. They he heard Alex call.   
“JOHN!”   
“ALEX!” John said turning. Alex was jumping over the railing that separated the jury and people watching from the lawyers and John. This probably wasn’t allowed, but John didn’t care. Alex hugged him tightly.   
“I love you.” Alex whispered into his ear.   
“I love you.” John whispered back. Then he saw Martha, Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy jumping the gate too. They hugged him too. Then he heard Laf, Herc, and Burr coming too. Laf took a leap over the gate.   
“Strawberryyyyyyyyy.” He yelled, tackling the group hug. Herc and Burr joined into. Then came, James, Henry, and Mary. Then Philip and Catherine, and George. They stood there in a big group hug for a long time. They jury clapped and laughed. When they got themselves out of the group hug Alex kissed John. Everyone clapped and cheered at their happiness. John was finally free of his father. He was with the people he loved. He couldn’t ask for anything more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT THE END. THERE WILL BE MORE. A LOT MORE. I THINK I HAVE A PROBLEM.


	24. Grauduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title sums it up.

John had the same fear for this graduation as he did for high school. What if he tripped on his robe and fell on his face. But at least this time he didn’t have to sneak out a window. He didn’t have to face his father ever again. He still had nightmares though. That wasn’t going to go away. He still had flashbacks. It was all still there. It was just easier to deal with. Whenever those memories came back to them, he always had a friend to make him feel better again.  
“Ready?” Alex asked.  
“Yup.” Johns said. He took in his boyfriend’s appearance. Cap and gown. Just  
like himself, except he was Valedictorian. Alex had complained about this. He said it was stupid for colleges to have Valedictorians, John told him to shut up every time he brought it up, it would look good on Alex’s resume. Plus Alex was going to law school after he graduated. It was a three year program. So Alex would be 24 when he completed law school. They were both 21 now. They had been together for four years. John couldn’t believe it. It had gone by so fast. “You look great.”  
“Thanks. It’s good to know my boyfriend still think I look good when I’m dressed like a 1700s Catholic priest.”  
“If I you were a 1700s Catholic Priest you would think I deserve to die.” John said.  
“No, I would work as a Catholic priest in the 1700s to protect you.”  
“And how did you a bisexual 1700s Priest who immigrated from the Caribbean and me, the gay son of a rich South Carolinan politician meet in the midst of the revolutionary war?”  
“Well I wasn’t a Priest when I met you, I became one after I did.”  
“That’s makes no sense.”  
“Well maybe, I wasn’t a Catholic priest, maybe we were both soldiers and that’s how we met.”  
“Why would you be wearing a cap and gown then?”  
“I have no idea.”  
“And by the way you don’t look like a Catholic priest from the 1700s.”  
“You could have just said that.” Alex laughed, kissing John’s cheek. Hercules, Lafayette, and Burr walked in.  
“Hey Mr. Alexander Hamilton, 1700s Catholic Priest.” Laf said, “And Strawberry.” Laf said, smirking.  
“John’s right you don’t look anything like a Catholic Priest.” Herc said.  
“0kay, I get it.”  
“Are you guys ready yet?” Burr said poking his head into the room.  
“Were ready.” 

The ceremony was nice. Alex made a beautiful speech. John tried not to cry as Alex thanked him for being such a great boyfriend. He did not succeed, he shed a few happy tears. His name was called, Laf and Herc cheerier too loudly, Alex laughed, and Burr rolled his eyes at them. None of the could hold in their laughter as the man tried to say Lafayette’s full name. Or when Herc fist bumped the man instead of shaking his hand. Even Burr laughed. After the ceremony John was mobbed by his sisters, Martha, who was just starting college, Angelica who was two years out, Eliza who was a year out, and Peggy who was two years in. They hugged him. His other siblings, Henry, Mary, and James weren't there. That was okay. They had had a shaky relationship. John had sent their father to prison, sure he was an abusive father, but not to the three of them. Henry in particular had been cold toward John. Everything about John's life was alien to them. John could see how awkward they felt whenever John was with Alex. They tried not to stare. It made John feel bad, it was his fault they lived with their Aunt and Uncle, that there was a restraining order placed on their father if he ever did get out. They had visit Henry Laurens a few times. John and Martha never went, they both wanted to forget that time.  
“I so proud of you.” Eliza said squeezing John tightly.  
“Little Johnny’s all grown up.” Angelica said.  
“What are you guys, my mother?” John laughed.  
“No they aren't. That's my honorary position.” Catherine said, giving John a hug.  
“We’re so proud.” Phillip said, the hesitatingly added, “son.” John felt tears spring into his eyes.  
“Thank you so much for all you've done for me. I love you guys.” John said hugging them. They talked for a while. Then Alex came over with professor Washington. Alex greeted John with a kiss.  
“Hello professor.” John said.  
“Hello John, congrats.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy. Oh, Martha too, I can't wait to have you in my classes next year.” Martha nodded her thanks. “I’ll still see you every Thursday for sessions right?” The Professor asked John. John nodded.  
“Of course.”  
“I was wondering, there's a group, a support group, that's meeting at my office for the next few months. It's a support group for people who have PTSD, unrelated to serving in the military, they have there own group. I was wondering if you’d like to come.” John thought for a second, he wasn't sure if he wanted to sit around in a circle and talk about feelings, but he agreed anyway.  
“Sure.”  
“Good, I'll see you there.” He left. Laf, Herc, and Burr came over. John had been dreading this. It would be hard to say goodbye to them. Laf was going back to France for a while. Herc was going to stay in New York, but was going to some big family reunion in Ireland. They would still see Burr, him and Alex were going to go to the same law school. John and Alex were moving. They weren't sure where yet. One of the small towns outside of the city. There was one that was close too Alex's law school, and the Marine Science building John hopped to work at.  
“I guess it's time to say goodbye.” Burr said.  
“We’ll all stay in touch. We'll Get together when we can.” John said.  
“Goodbye, Alex.” Herc said.  
“You’re going places.” Laf said.  
“As long as you don't drive yourself crazy.” Burr laughed. Alex nodded.  
“Goodbye” he said, tears in his eyes.  
“Goodbye John. Good luck out there.” Burr said. Hugging him.  
“Don't let Alex drive himself insane, make sure he, like, eats. And take care of yourself. You're as tough as they come, John.” Herc said. Embracing him.  
“You turtle.” Laf said. John laughed.  
“Thanks for being there. Without you, I don't know how I would have gotten through the Night Terrors.”  
“Anytime, Strawberry.”  
“Thanks, Marie.” The hugged. Then they all went their separate ways. But John and Alex, they stayed together, they weren't saying goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This made me sad. The next chapter is one of my favorites though. I can't wait. :-)


	25. Welcome to 146 Terrace Lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex move into a new house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPINESS finally. Lots of happiness.

“It looks like a old cat lady lived here.” Alex said. They stood in front until of the moving van on the sidewalk of the quiet street. Alex's remark was kind of true. It was a small brick house, with a white picket fence, and perfectly square lawn. Bright flowers bursted from every window basket. The shutters were white to go with the window frames. The driveway was jet black, almost freshly paved. Two trees stood on either side of the house.   
“I think it's cute.” John said, squeezing his boyfriend's hand.  
“It's too perfect. There has to be something wrong with it.”  
“Must you see the worst in all the good?”   
“It probably smells like old people and cats.”  
“Well an old woman with two cats did used to live here.” John said.   
“I told you.” Alex said.  
“But I hear a gay couple and a turtle are moving in.” John said. Alex smiled at the boy, counting each of his freckles for the millionth time in his head.  
“I can't wait to meet them!” Alex cried. John laughed, a bright clear happy sound that Alex wished he could make last forever. John dragged him by the hand back to the van to grab some boxes.   
It was a hot day in June. Sweaty strands hung from Alex's ponytail as he carried boxes in. John looked so happy moving into the new house. It was small, but beautiful and quaint. 

John was grabbing another box, who knew they had so much stuff, it was probably because they were forced to take all the furniture from the old apartment. A woman came jogging down the street. She stopped at the gate to him and Alex's new house.  
“Hello!” She said, with a friendly smile.   
“Hello.” John said, smiling back.  
“So you're the one moving into old Chesler’s place?”  
“Yup.”   
“I'm Hailee, I’m your neighbor , she said pointing to the house to the left of there’s.”   
“Nice to meet you, I’m John Laurens.” He said shaking her hand. All of the sudden John felt someone behind him, he relieved it was Alex. Alex slipped his hands around John's waist and rested his chin on John’s head. “Well hello there.” John said, trying to look up at Alex.   
“Hey.” Alex said, kissing his forehead.   
“This is my boyfriend, Alexander Hamilton.” John saw the moment pass over the woman's face. It wasn't unusual. There was always that…..oh……….moment people got when they realized Alex and John were a couple. It wasn't always judge mental, it was just there.   
“It nice to meet you.” They woman said. “You’ll love it here. Everybody knows each other, you’ll know everyone too after a while. Most people are really nice. We have great schools, and we're close to the city.”  
“I know, it's perfect location. It’s right near my law school, and the Marine Science center.” Alex said.   
“Ah, Marine Biology.” The woman said, “my daughter loves ocean animals. Do you have any fish?”  
“I’ve worked with some weird fish, but I only own a painted turtle.” The woman smiled.   
“My daughter has a guinea named turtle.” The woman said. John laughed.   
“My turtle’s name is Shelly, that’s what my sister, Peggy, named her. “ the woman smiled.   
“My daughter would love to meet you.” Hailee said.   
“That would be nice.”   
“I'll see you all around the neighborhood. Bye.”   
“Bye.” They called. Once the woman was gone, Alex whispered in John's ear.   
“People are to nice here. Walk up and down the street with Shelly on a leash, so they think we're crazy and they'll leave us alone. “  
“I'm not acting crazy so you can be antisocial.”   
“Fine.” The two them stood there for a while. John felt good to just have Alex's hands around his waist, his chin still resting on John's head.   
“Hey, John, you know what I realized.”  
“What?”  
“We’re finally home.”  
“ We are.”

The next morning they sat on the dewy grass of the front yard. They each held coffee mugs. They still had a lot of unpacking to do. They had only set up their bedroom, and Shelly’s glass cage. Which didn't really count as two things, because they had just put it on the counter in the kitchen. They sat outside, their house a maze of boxes and random pieces of furniture.   
“So what’s first on the agenda?” Alex asked.  
“The living room I think. Then unpacking plates and stuff in the kitchen. Then the dining room.”  
“Why do we need a dining room there's only two of us now. We didn't have a dining table at the old apartment.” Alex said. John rolled his eyes.   
“Because we were broke college kids, we at take out Chinese and laid on the floor or sat on the couch or the counter. Now we're in neighborhood. But if it makes you feel better we're still pretty broke.” Alex laughed. “I mean you're technically still in college with law school, but you're working part time. So there are many similarities. But we need one for when we have guests. And we can use it as a really long desk too.”   
“Okay. How much of that do you think we can accomplish today?”  
“No idea.”   
Their day turned out pretty productive. There was a lot of laughing and random conversations.   
“John?”   
“What?”  
“When we toured the house was the basement pink.” Alex called to John who was in the other room, putting in light bulbs.   
“We didn't go into the basement.”   
“Well it's pink.” Then laughter. Another time.   
“Alex?”   
“What?”   
“Why do we have like five boxes of books where are we going to put them?”   
“We’ll get a bookshelf.” Alex said sorting through the books, “do you still need 51 Amazing Turtles?”  
“Of course, its signed.”  
“By who?”   
“The author, Sarah Richardson.”   
“Who’s the publisher?”   
“National Geographic.”  
“What’s the 16th entry?”  
“Box Turtles.”  
“You memorized the book?”   
“Did not.”  
“Did to. 6th entry?”  
“Snapping turtles.” Alex laughed. John joined in.   
By evening they had most of what they needed ready. The living room was complete along with the dining room. They needed to get a microwave for the kitchen. And still had to do the entire guest bedroom. They sat on couch, Alex was asking John practice job interview questions. Then the doorbell rang. Alex went to open it. Four people stood there. The woman Alex recognized as the jogger from yesterday, Hailee. With her was a man Alex assumed was her husband. A little girl maybe, six or seven, and a twelve year old boy, who did not look pleased to be there.   
“Hello, again.” The woman said.   
“Hello!” Alex said, then whisper yelled behind him, “John!” John appeared behind him.   
“Hello, Hailee.” John said. Alex squeezed his hand in thanks. Alex still thought the neighbors were too nice.   
“I wanted to formally greet you. This my husband, Matt, and my daughter Lily, and my son, Adam.” Lily gave them a grin that revealed her missing front teeth. The boy gave a nodd.   
“Nice to meet you all.” John said.   
“I made you guys some cookies.” she said handing them a Tupperware. John elbowed Alex prompting him to say something.   
“That's so kind of you.” She handed them to him.   
“We were also wondering if you wanted to come to the neighborhood barbecue on Thursday at around 1-6.” John felt a warm pink spread across his cheeks.   
“I'm so sorry, I don't get back from group therapy till four.” He felt churning in embarrassment in his stomach. The son, Adam raised an eyebrow. Hailee and Matt exchanged looks. Alex gave his hand a comforting squeeze.   
“Laurens.” The man muttered as if putting something together. John felt even more embarrassed. Every now and then they would run across someone who would recognize their names or faces. There had been one woman, at a farmers market, who, upon seeing John had hugged him, and walked away sobbing without saying a word.   
“It's fine.” Hailee said, “you could come for the last two hours.” John smiled, relieved they hadn't asked why he had to go to group therapy, or said anything like oh you poor man, what happened? He hated that.   
“We’d love too.” John said.  
“Well, I hope you love it here.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Bye.”   
“Bye.” They left. John went back inside. Alex went outside.   
“Wait.” He called. Running toward them. They turned back puzzled. “I was wondering if you could do me a favor?” Alex said.  
“Sure, anything. What do you want?” Hailee said. Alex took a deep breath.   
“At the barbecue I was wondering if you could keep people from asking questions. I mean they can ask questions. But no, where are you from? Who are your parents? Where did you live before college? Have you ever been seriously injured? Stuff like that.”   
“Sure.” Matt said.   
“One condition.” Their son, Adam said. “You tell us what you're hiding?” Alex sized up the boy. His parents glared at him. They scolded Adam for being rude.   
“Fair enough.” Alex said, “thank you so much. I try to keep John away from his triggers. He has enough of it to deal with without direct questions about then.” Alex said. “As for the deal. Henry Laurens, google it. That should give you all you need.” Alex left.   
“Where were you?” John asked. When Alex came back. Alex kissed John’s forehead. Alex would do anything, just to keep John this happy.   
“Just asking what day garbage pick up was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPINESS finally. Lots of happiness. (For now whahahaha.)


	26. Job Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John goes on a job interview.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've officially given up on random historical figures. Original characters. Everyone in there town is an original character. I give up.

Mercy Clearwater sat at her desk, taking the chance between interviews to eat her lunch. She had already interviewed about a dozen people. She wasn't exactly looking forward to the next interview, it had been a long day full of boring people. She took another bite of her sandwich then threw it out.   
“Next.” She called, that was her favorite part, it made her feel so official. A boy poked his head in, she said a boy because he was young, maybe 21 fresh out of college. His curly hair was pulled back in a ponytail. His face was splattered with freckles, almost like constellations.   
“Hello.” He said, a bright smile on his face. Mercy thought that maybe this interview might actually be interesting. She glanced at his paperwork.   
“John Laurens.” She said.   
“That's me.” The boy said smiling.   
“My name is Mercy Clearwater. If this interview goes well we’ll be partners.” John smiled. And shook her hand. Mercy looked over his paperwork.  
“Under physical and mental illness you checked other. What is your physical or mental ailment?”   
“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”  
“Did you serve in the military?”  
“No, I fought a different kind of war.” She raised an eyebrow at him. She continued looking through his resume and paperwork.   
“You say that you’ve been involved in a major court case.”  
“Yes.”   
“We you the defendant.” Mercy asked. John laughed.  
“Nope the opposite, plaintiff.”  
“I'm surprised most people don't know the word for that.” She said, this actually being one of the most interesting interview she’d heard.   
“My boyfriend is in Law school. And was an Political Science major, I helper him study.” He said. He was very good at dropping important facts into his answers.   
“Who did you put on trial and what for?” She asked. She saw John’s eyes glaze for a second then he snapped a rubber band against his wrist.   
“Henry Laurens. Child Abuse.” He said, his voice tight with anger. He seemed to be trying hard to focus on the world in front of him. He took a deep breath then seemed fine.   
“You’re Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, will it affect your ability to work?” He hesitated for a second, then sighed.  
“Yes.” He said quietly, “Sometimes a day is just bad. Maybe from too many Night Terrors.” Mercy noted that he didn't say, nightmares, he said night terrors, which probably meant it was different. “Somedays you can't get this one thought out of your head and you remember when you used to think about it, and you spend all day trying to crawl out of the memory. Some days mark days where there's only sadness, days that split your world, or cracked it further. It's the flashbacks. They invade when I'm not ready. All of the sudden all freeze. I'm always kind of shaken when I come out of it. That might not make me sound like a rialible candidate. But I just want to be honest. I'm not normal. It's hard. I don't want to make you think it won't affect me. I want you to know the truth about how terrible I feel after. I want to ork here, but only if that's what's good for here.” John said. Mercy smiled at him, his honesty was flattering in a strange way. Mercy didn't know what John had faced. She had heard of Henry Laurens trial, she would have to watch it somewhere on YouTube. She nodded.   
“Why did you pursue a career in Marine Biology?”   
“I've always loved sea creatures.sea turtles mainly. Or any kind of turtle. When I was little my Mom take us to the aquarium. I would sit there for hours and just watch them. Later, I used to be really jealous of them. They were so free. They could go anywhere in the ocean. And sea creatures were either good parents, more commonly just a mom, or just left their young alone.” He said. He shifted in his seat. He looked sort f embarrassed. She couldn't blame him. All her questions seemed to lead back to something he wanted to forget.   
“Were you ever interested in anything else?”  
“Yes. Medicine. At one point I wanted to be a doctor. I knew it was a lot of school. But I wanted to help with cancer research. I had to drop out of the program. Too many attacks. He thought it might harm me. He said I was lucky. He said sometimes PTSD patients would start having panic attacks. Which leave you in a traumatized state, so some people actually end up having flashbacks to their panic attacks. He said he didn't want that to happen to me again.”   
“Again?”  
“That used to happen to me when I was little. I've had PTSD since I was about seven. I just wasn't diagnosed till I was 18.” John said. He had lived for 11 years with an undiagnosed mental disorder. This kid looked like he was just a happy little fresh out of college kid. One of those kids who still thought this world was fair and life would treat him right. But now she saw this kid knew how the world could be cruel. Yet he was still happy.   
“It was a pleasure to meet you John Laurens.” She shook his hand. It was the first time she said those words honestly today.   
“Thank you.” He said. Then left. He wouldn't be gone for so long. He’d be in the cubicle next to hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so after this chapter.  
> John finds out that he got the job, goes to group therapy, goes to the barbecue.   
> There might be another fluff chapter.  
> Then we have very major plot movement.   
> And major plot movement  
> And major plot movement  
> And a lot of sadness.   
> So good luck!


	27. Neighbors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex go to the neighborhood barbecue.

John checked his watch. He was supposed to be at the barbecue. Back at the house. Back with Alex. Not in his car. He was late. He had an attack during group therapy. Had started shaking trying to repel memories. But they came on him too strong. He didn't know why this one had came up in his mind that day.

John lay in his hospital bed. He had woken up to find Will gone. He didn't think he would ever see him again. He didn't know why he knew this. He just did. Now he was alone. He listened to the beeping of the machines. He imagined the beeping speeding up and his heart stopping. He tried to think of who would actually mourn him. Will. Martha. Angelica. Eliza. Peggy. Or would they even know.they nurse came in.  
“You’re awake.” He said.  
“Yeah.” John said afraid to move, for fear of the pain it would bring.   
“Anybody told you what you broke yet?”  
“Yeah.”   
“Want the updated list?”  
“There's more?”   
“Sorry, kid, but,yeah.”  
“Great. That's what I needed more broken bones, what a great addition to my weaknesses that can be exploited in high school.” John said laughing and his pathetic situation too tired to take in the horror of what happened.  
“Concussion, with a bad gash on your head too, had twenty three stitches. You also have a considerable amount of brushing on the face and back. A broken rib and a bruised rib. And a sprained foot.”   
“How long I am going to be here for?”  
“Normally we’d have you out by tomorrow. If it were all clean brakes. But there's cuts and bruises and gashes. We usually wait to send you home with stuff like this just and in case of infections or any mental trauma.” John almost laughed at that again, mental trauma, he had a lot of that.   
“What about after I’m out of the hospital?” John said.The nurse took in a deep breath.  
“Usually when someone sprains their foot we put there foot in a boot and give them crutches. But you have a broken rib too. And walking with crutches may damage your rib further. Plus your arm would prevent you from using crutches. So when you get out, you’re going to be in a wheelchair for a little over a month.” The nurse finished. John let out a long groan. Another way for him to be vulnerable. Henry Laurens wouldn’t hit him while he was in a wheelchair. How could he half of his body was going to be in caskets?

A week went by before his family visited. He had sat around for a week with no company, but his pain. Then that Saturday Martha came.  
“John!” She yelled running into the room. She attempted to hug him. But John could neither sit up or raise his arms to hug her. She hugged him anyway, making him wince.”Sorry.” She said hearing his groan.   
“Martha, John said, smiling even if it hurt.   
“I'm so sorry. Dad wouldn't let us visit you. I finally convinced him.”   
“It's so good to see you.”  
“I brought your homework.”  
“Is it sad that I'm happy to see a English essay. I've had no company but green jello, and it's not very talkative.”   
“You were talking to green jello?”  
“Maybe.”   
“John, I’m so sorry this happened. I guess you won't want to go hiking ever again.” She laughed. John put on a fake smile, he had forgotten about the lie. Sometimes around Martha he would forget that she didn't know the real reason Father hit.   
“Thanks for coming.”   
“Thank you, for being the best big brother ever.”  
The week crawled by. Finally he went home. The nanny picked him up and drove him back to the Laurens house. The rest of the children were gone. Henry sat waiting for him. He had someone build a ramp near the stairs, which meant John was allowed in the house. He was wheeled inside. John didn't like the chair, he couldn't get anywhere by himself. He couldn't run. All his choices were out his control. The Nanny passed the chair to Father. Father wheeled him into the study. John looked down. Trying not to show how scared he was.   
“John.” His father said softly. “I'm very disappointed in you. I try very hard to give you the best life. All I want is for you to be okay. No more injuries. No more liking boys. Just be the way you're supposed to.” Henry said. John seethed with rage, this wasn't what he was supposed to be, not because of who he liked, but because of how he was treated, this was not what his life was supposed to be, in the hospital for two weeks, in a wheelchair, because of his father. Instead he gritted his teeth, and bit back his words.  
“I'm sorry, father.”  
“You know I was going to send you to one of those camps the church wants you to go to. But I can't have you ruining my career. But you better get your act together, young man.”   
“I'm sorry.” John said again hating himself not standing up for himself.   
“Let this be a lesson to you.” Then his father walked out. John couldn't go anywhere. So he sat in his chair, letting quiet tears slip down his face. 

He was jolted out of the memory. He was now simply parked in the driveway. It had been a long day, first his job interview, than group therapy. Now he had to go to the barbecue. He got out of the car and walked in their house.   
“Hello? Alex?” He said.  
“Hey John, I'm in here.” John walked toward the dining room. Alex had a pile of papers spread across the table. Alex distractedly flicked through all his papers. John bent down and kissed his forehead.   
“You ready to go?”  
“Yeah just need to find this one paper.”  
“Alexander, your first day of law school was today, how do you have so much paper already?”   
“This stuff is a college papers I'm sorting through. I need to find my notes on the fake murder trial.”  
“Why?”  
“Because we're doing one next month and I need to be prepare.” John grabbed Alex’s arm.  
“Alexander, time to go to the neighbors.” John said.   
“Sorry just a little distracted.” Alex said, shaking his head to clear it. John kissed his cheek.  
“Better?”  
“Better.” Alex said then gave him a quick peck on the lips. “How was your job interview?”  
“Good, i think.”  
“And group therapy?”  
“I spent half of it in the hallway. One person was talking about different kinds of wheelchairs she buys for her grandfather, I don't know how that came up in the discussion. I had this big series of flashbacks to my junior prom.” They started out the door.   
“Did you have to go with a girl?”  
“No, I didn't go. I was in the hospital. With severe injuries from hiking.”  
“What?” I'll tell you later. They knocked on the door.   
“Hello. Hello. Hello.” Hailee said.  
“Hello.” They said.  
“C’mon we’re all out back.” She ushered them through the house.   
“We brought some fresh strawberries.” Alex said.  
“Oh, thank you, they look wonderful.” Hailee said, taking the bowl.   
“Seriously?” John asked, in a whisper.  
“Think of the sentimental value,” Alex whispered back. John had to contain his giggles. They followed Hailee out to the back patio.  
“Everyone I would like to introduce you to our newest neighbors, John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton.” Hailee called. A ring of adults were seated along the table. A couple children were running around in the backyard. Hailee gestured them to their seats.   
“Sorry we're late.” Alex said taking his seat.   
“It's fine none of us care.” A man said, “I'm Garret the way.” Everyone around the table stated their names.  
“So where’d you guys move from?”   
“New York City.” John said.   
“Why'd you leave? The city's the best.” Garrett asked.  
“We wanted something quieter. Our old apartment was shared with three other guys.” John said.  
“John would stay at his sister's place over breaks though. Christmas at the Schuyler's was the best.”   
“REmember how Peggy used to put little Santa hats on Shelly?” John said.  
“Yeah, that was so adorable. The would always cover her eyes because her head is small. And she used to knock the hat off by going into her shell.” Alex said.   
“Sorry for going off topic.” John said. “We wanted it quieter. A place that was still close to the city for law school for Alex and Marine Biology center I want to work at.”   
Garrett whistled. “A lawyer and a Marine Biologist. You guys are gonna have a lot of money.”   
“Big improvement from college.” Alex laughed.   
“No scholarships for you guys?”   
“Alex could have gotten a full scholarship, but his town didn't keep good enough records to show how good his grades.  
“I was more worried about getting out of Navis and to the US.” Alex said. “John could’ve gotten one too.”  
“I did, full scholarship to South Carolina State. But I wanted to get far away from my family. I went to live with the Schuyler's. I was too late for scholarships then since I couldn't even tell people back in my town I was applying anywhere out of the state.”  
“So how long have you been together?”   
“We were freshman. So all four years of college. Well it was thanksgiving break so more like Three and a half.” John said.   
“How’d you meet?”   
Alex smiled. “It was my first debate club meeting. And John came over with his friends. He introduced himself. I Immediately decided his freckles were the cutest things ever.” Alex paused and poked John’s freckle covered nose. “Then I resisted bursting out laughing when I saw his tee shirt.” John laughed. Remembering how embarrassed he was that he had been wearing the shirt. “It was a black T-shirt with a turtle on it, the turtle was waving a rainbow flag. He had gotten it for his birthday, his sisters call it John summarized in a shirt. We were told that we were going to have compete in a school wide debate contest. Our team was me, him, Angelica, and Eliza. We arrange when to meet over a video call. John spend the whole time chasing Peggy around to get his turtle back. It was hilarious. It's when I realize how much I liked him.”  
“I knew I liked you when you walked in the room. I didn't know I loved you till you saved me at the debate.” Alex figured most people would think Alex had saved him from messing up on of his points. But Alex knew John meant when he grabbed his hand, anchoring him to the world. Alex kissed his cheek and they laughed.   
“You two are the cutest.” A younger girl said. She was about eighteen.   
“Kate, why don't you ask them about college, you’ll be going next year. She nodded. They answered her questions. They made more small talk with everyone. Just as they left. Andrew, the boy who had made the deal with Alex came up to them. He shook John's hand. Then Alex’s.  
“Thank you. Now my parents might understand. I might be able to tell them.” They he ran away.   
“You think….?” Alex asked,  
“Yup.” Alex smiled and took John's hand.   
“That's cool. We might have just given someone the courage.” They left the party and made their way home.  
………………………….

Later Alex and John sat on the couch looking through photo albums.   
“Found it.” John said. “It's my prom pictures.” He handed the photo to Alex. John was about fifteen or sixteen. He lay in a hospital bed. A bandage was wrapped around his forehead. He held one arm up, smiling and given the camera the thumbs up. His other arm lay at his side in a cast. He was propped up on some pillows. His freckles were distorted by a few bruises.   
“Oh my god, John. How long were you in the hospital?”  
“Two weeks. Martha took that one.” John pulled out another one. “This is my first day back at school.” John handed him the picture. John sat in a wheelchair. His arm lay in a sling. There was some sort of bandage around his shirt for his broken ribs. A small blue bandage was on the side of his forehead. A cast covered his foot. His bruise was barely visible. He was smiling. He looked very small and vulnerable in the wheelchair. His backpack was slung over the back of the chair. Behind him was the house. A.ex shuddered looking at it. He had wondered when they visited why there was a ramp.   
“What did the Schuyler's say when you told them?”   
“I never did. I told them everything that happened. But I didn't tell them about the hospital till the found the photos. Whenever I tried to talk about it I got stuck there.” Alex squeezed his hand.   
“If you could go back. If you could change everything. To grow up normally. To be the person your father wanted. Would you?” Alex asked. John leaned over and kissed him.   
“No because I wouldn't have you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a chapter where it's basically a typical day in John and Alex's lives. Then major plot movement. Then all their friends are back in the story.


	28. I don't know what to name this chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's day at work.

John rushed into the building. He was a little late for work. But it was his fifth month working there. He had learned if you brought donuts all was forgiven. He walked into the office. They didn't have cubicles or anything. It was an open space. There were workstations, tanks full of sea creatures, and each person's desk. There were six in their lab. Each group of six had a boss that led three other groups. Their lab group did everything from testing water samples to studying the behavior of sharks based on tracker graphs. When he walked in everyone gave him the you’re late stare. John smiled at them and held up his bag.  
“I brought donuts!” John said. The stare faded from their faces. They cheered. Mercy smiled at him.   
“Go get in your wetsuit. We’re supposed to be in the tank in fifteen minutes.” Mercy said.   
“Thanks for the early notice.” John said sarcastically.  
“Thanks for covering up being late with donuts.” Mercy said. She grabbed a donut. Wiped a chunk of the frosting off and stuck it on John's nose. Then, left.   
………,,...........  
Fifteen minutes later they arrived at the tank. It wasn't like one you would see at an aquarium or theme park. It was designed to mimic the ocean as best as possible. This one was one of John's favorites. It was home to an injured giant sea turtle named Big Joe. The hope was to have him back in the wild by the end of the month. His fin had gotten caught in some piece of trash, the fin had to get partially amputated. So he had a partially prosthetic fin. It was only a small part and he would soon be swimming as normal as ever. It was their turn to help him practice swimming around, which essentially meant playing with the turtle. It was John's favorite job. Him and Mercy dove in. They waded into the pool. The turtle swam right up to the, and bumped John's knees (his version of a fist bump) They took notes on their clipboards as he swam around. Then they began his exercises   
…………   
Later back in the lab, they sat around the table. John's hair was still a little wet. It was a tradition at work to eat lunch together like they did in grade school. It was usually really fun. They talked about personal lives mostly. No mention of work was allowed during lunch. It was a commonly broken rule. 

“I saw you dot a new picture.” Mercy said.   
“What?” John asked.  
“On your desk.”  
“Oh.” John went and got the new picture. “It's me and Alex at our house the my sisters came to visit.” Peggy had gotten into photography. It was a very good photo. Well it was actually four photos. It was supposed to be a posed picture of them in front of the house. The problem was John and Alex could not take photos. The first panel was showed John trying to smile at the camera, but Alex was kissing his cheek. The second was of John laughing and Alex was giving the camera an awkward smile. The third was of John, still laughing hysterically, his face buried in Alex's chest, Alex was laughing too. The last one was the two of them, arms around each other, bent over laughing.   
“Oh my god. You two are literally the cutest.” Mercy said. “Who took the photos?”  
“Peggy.”   
“Your Sisters are the best.” Mercy laughed.  
“When Peggy’s not harassing my turtle with peanut butter.”   
“What?”   
“The summer before college was really weird.”  
“How weird?”  
“What happened backstage in community theatre stays backstage of community theatre.”   
“One hint?”   
“Me in pigtails and a little red riding hood cape.” John said. Mercy choked on her sandwich.  
“You will send me a picture of that.”  
“No I will not. Alex hasn't even seen the photo.”  
“Please. I'll bring in my 6th grade yearbook photo.”  
“I don't care about your sixth grade yearbook photo.”  
“I'll pay you. I'll buy you a new stapler, I'll give you a pack of ballpoint pens. I'll threaten your turtle.”   
“You wouldn’t dare.” They laughed. John checked his watch. “Time to get back to work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter brings me extreme joy.


	29. Big Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!  
> I can't wait.

Life kept going the world kept spinning. It was Alex’s second year of law school. They were both 23, Alex would be turning 24 in January. It was November. Which meant it was time for their traditional anniversary dinner at the little cafe. They had now been together for four years of college and a year and a half outside of school. The staff knew them now. Every Time they came the waiters and waitresses smiled at them and greeted them by name. It was a snowy night much like their first date had been.   
“It's good to be back.” John said, sitting down.  
“Yup. There's no place like home.”  
“Did you just quote The Wizard of OZ? I thought you fell asleep when I made you watch it.”  
“They weren't ruby slippers in the book!”  
“They had just gotten movies in color!”   
“It should have been accurate.”   
“But the only reason people like watching adaptations of books is to make fun of them, but the Wizard of OZ is off limits, It’s a classic.”   
“It's horrible. They take perfectly good books and turn them into silly kids movies.”  
“They were children's books!”  
“Yeah, but what about fairytales. The originals are very dark. The little mermaid doesn't live happily ever after, she commits suicide with the knife she's supposed to kill the prince with.”   
“I agree with hate for Disney, they get everything wrong.”   
“It's all the prince and the princess find each other and the evil guy is defeated.” Alex said. John noddded.   
“They need to work on their originality.”   
“Sometimes it's not always about a prince and princess defeating a great evil. Sometimes it's about to princes saving each other from their own darkness. And finally freeing one of them from an evil presence that needs no magic.” Alex said. John smiled, and kissed him.   
“I'd go see that movie.” John laughed. They ordered. They talked for a little more. John saw that Alex seemed a little nervous. He was fidgety. A thin line of sweat was present on his brow.   
“I wanted to tell you how happy I've been with you. How your so happy and kind, and the best boyfriend anyone could wish for.”   
“I wanted to thank you. You’ve saved me, you know. I don't know what I would do without you. You’ve always been there for me no matter what.” John said. Alex smiled and blushed a little.   
“John you make me happier than anyone in the world. I love you. I want to spend everyday, every minute, every second, I can with you.” He nervously fidgeted with his hands in his pockets. “I know we're young. I feel like the years I've no you have been the only ones I've actually been alive.” He pulled something out of his pocket. “I love you more than anything in the world.” He slid out of the booth and got down on his knee. “You are my world. Will you marry me.” Alex said. John felt tears in his eyes. He looked at the little ring in the box. It wasn't like the ones you see in movies with the big diamonds. Because it wasn't supposed to be. It was like them, simple and perfect. He thought of Alex. Alex who made him happier than anything. Alex, who he loved. Alex, who was his whole world. He didn't hesitate.   
“Yes.” John said. He was laughing now. “Yes. Yes. Yes.”   
They kissed. And in that moment nothing else mattered. Just Alex and Just John. That's it. Nothing more nothing less. It was the happiest moment either of them had ever encountered. 

When they broke apart John realized everyone in the restaurant was clapping. He looked at his hand in Alex's. The ring on his finger. It was perfect. Everything was perfect.   
“I love you.” John whispered into Alex's ear.   
“I love you.”

They walked home in the swirling snow. The flakes in Alex’s dark hair. The red in his own cheeks from the cold. The sugary air. They bright stars in the sky. His hand in Alex's. Just walking home. He stared at his hand, the ring on his finger. They happiness in his heart. Him and his fiancé. Just for that one day, Life was perfect.


	30. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EVERYONE IS BACk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long.

They called everyone when they got home. They didn't tell them about the engagement. They made plans with everyone to meet up. John couldn't wait, they hadn't all gotten together since the summer camping trip.   
“You ready?” Alex asked.   
“Yup. I can't wait to see everyone.”   
“Your sisters are going to be so excited.” Alex paused. He took John's hand. “I wanted to ask you something, but you've been doing so well lately, I didn't want to trigger anything.”   
“It's okay, you can ask me anything.” John squeezed his hand and smiled.   
“I know your father is in jail, but don't you think you could go visit him? Just tell him you’re getting married. I mean even if he doesn't approve. You don't have to go yourself. I could go, or we could send someone, or write a letter? I just feel like a father should at least know that his son is getting married.” Alex said. John's smile faded.   
“Alex, i agree with you. But he's not really my father. I would tell him. But I'd rather forget him. Rather he sit there and remember me while I move on. I don't want him to be able to influence my life again. One day, if he ever gets out, I don't want him to have anyway of finding me.”   
“Okay. Just wanted to make sure. I'm sorry.“ Alex said.   
“It's okay, really.” He kissed his cheek. “Never be afraid to ask me anything.” They heard the doorbell ring.   
“Angelica! Eliza! Peggy!” He called.   
“John!” They called hugging him.   
“Oh, hi Alex, you're here too.” Peggy said. Alex laughed.  
“Good to see you too, Peg.” Angelica and Eliza gave Alex a hug too.  
“Yo people! What's up?” Laf walked in behind them.   
“Hey, Laf how was France?” John asked.  
“Good.”   
“Hey!” Herc called running through the door and slapping the frame.   
“Hello?” Another voice said.  
“Martha!” John cried. They hugged. “It's so good to see you!”  
“John, you saw me two weeks ago.”   
“That's too long.”   
“Hello, everyone.”  
“Hey guys.” Burr said walking in with his girlfriend Theodosia.Everyone finished exchanging greetings. They sat in the living room.   
“How's law school?” Laf asked Alex.   
“Good. I can't wait till I can be a real lawyer.”  
“What kind of cases do you want to do?” Eliza asked.  
“I want to be a lawyer for people who don't have access to big law firms. The common people. People who can't bring someone to court because they don't have the money. Minors who can't report their parents because they might be harmed.” Alex said with a glance at John. “I want to encourage people to not be afraid to stand up for themselves.”   
“What about your work , John?” Angelica asked.  
“Pretty good. We’re releasing a huge sea turtle back into the wild soon.”  
“Where?”   
“Australia.”  
“You'll get to go?”  
“I don't know if I'm on the release team.”   
“Do you like your neighbors? Laf asked.  
“Yeah. I mean Hailee and Matt are really nice. Lily’s a sweetheart. Adam’s kind of rude.” John said.   
“He took all the Reese's on Halloween!” Alex cried.  
“They weren't for you anyway.”  
“But they're Reese’s.”   
“You’re ridiculous.”   
“I'm so happy Strawberry and his boyfriend are happy.” Laf said. Alex took the opportunity.   
“Fiancé, actually.” Alex said. They all stared at him. It was dead silent for a second. John slowly raised his hand to show the ring. The girls squealed and tackled John and Alex in a hug. Herc and Laf clapped.   
“Congratulations!” Angelica said.  
“Our little John's all grown up.” Eliza said wiping away a tear.   
“Can I have the turtle?” Peggy asked.   
“You're getting married, John.” Martha giggled.   
“Congrats.” Herc said.  
“Thank Obama it’s legal!” Laf yelled, earning a few laughs. They told them the story. Everyone was so excited. It was great to be all together again.  
…………….  
“So we've already decided most of the decor and food, so I guess it's time to discuss the guests and who’s in the wedding.” Fierro, Alex and John's wedding planner said. They nodded. “So your parents will walk each of you down the aisle, obviously.”   
“Actually,” Alex said with a slightly pained expression. “His mom’s dead and his Dad’s in prison for child abuse.” John gave him an it's to all my fault look.   
“His Dad left him and his Mom’s dead.” John added. Fierro glanced between them, a mixture of concern, fear, and questioning whether they were joking.   
“Well you have Catherine and Philip.” Alex said.   
“You have professor Washington.” John said.   
“He's not my father figure.”   
“He calls you son.”   
“He calls everyone son.”  
“You accidentally called him Dad twice.” John said. Alex rolled his eyes. Fierro glanced between them again.   
“What about best men?” Fierro asked.   
“We have all the same friends.”   
“So we thought a general shared group.”   
“Men and Women.”  
“So more like best people.”   
“Martha, Angelica, Eliza, Peggy, Herc, Laf, and Burr, we should probably include him too.”   
“That sounds good.” Fierro said. “What about guest list?”   
“Probably everyone from debate club.” John said.  
“We hated most of the though.”  
“No, you hated most of them, Alexander.”  
“Oh yeah. So Thomas, James, We can skip Samuel, hated that guy, John Jay, no Adams, Theodosia, and Professor Washington.”   
“Then my siblings, The Schuyler Sisters, of course, Martha, James, Henry jr, and Mary.”  
“The neighbors too.”  
“Hailee, Matt, Lily, Adam, and then, Garrett, and the one in college, Sara.”  
“You should invite Mercy too.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Who else?”  
“Phillip and Catherine. And your friends from law school.” John added.   
“Sounds good to me.” Alex said.   
“That must be the quickest guest list debate I've ever seen.” Fierro said.   
“It's easy when your extended family is either dead or wants you dead.” John said, Alex gave a bitter laugh, Fierro made uncomfortable noises that may have been an attempt at laughter.   
“Well the wedding plans seem to be going pretty well, I'll see you too again next week?”  
“See you.” They called and left the office.


	31. Important Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no skill with chapter titles.

“Hello, I'm John Laurens.”   
“And I'm Mercy Clearwater.”   
“Hello.” The children said. They were giving a tour of the facility to a ninth grade earth science class. John spotted Adam in the group. After they were supposed to do a panel for several different schools, talking how it is to work in a STEAM career, each panel member was supposed to represent a different minority. Mercy was the representative for women in STEAM Fields. There friend, and project leader for their new biotech project, Amara was representing Muslims who worked in STEAM fields. Another one of their friends a man named Haden represented physically disabled people in STEAM careers. And John was representing the LGBTQ+people, and mentally disabled people, in STEAM fields.  
“So, today we're going to show you some of the projects here.” Mercy said.  
“We’ll start with our main work area.” John said. John pushed the doors open to their office. There were big diagrams of sea creatures everywhere. Bits of metal and wires surrounded the main project. Some of the class made excited or impressed noises. John saw Adam roll his eyes.   
“Lighten up.” Muttered a blonde boy behind him. They boy pulled off Adam’s beanie, revealing his messy dark hair. The blonde boy placed the beanie on his own head.   
“Knock it off, Caleb.” Adam said, grabbing the hat back. He turned around and John could see the blush on his cheeks. John smiled.   
“We as marine biologists have partnered with a group of mechanical and electrical engineers on this project.”   
“The goal of the project is to create life like sea creatures, that are actually robots to analyze the behaviors of sea creatures so we can see how they act on a regular basis.” Mercy said.  
“We have been focusing on sea turtles.” John said, he lead them out of the office to the sea turtles tank.  
“This is Big Joe, he was found in Australia with a problem with his fin, we have been working to get him well enough to be returned to the wild.” Mercy said.  
“We’ll be headed to Australia in about a month and a half to release him.” 

They showed them around the rest of the facility, and then sent the group off to lunch. They went and set up their chairs for the panel. They watched the kids eat lunch on the big circular tables. John spotted Adam and the boy from earlier, Caleb and a few others at a table in the back. John decided to go say hi.  
“Hey Adam!” John called. Adam turned and gave him a half glare half smile, as if he weren't sure whether he thought John was annoying or cool.   
“Hey”, Adam said getting up so he met John out of earshot of his friends.  
“Anymore ideas for June third?” John asked. Adam had decided to come out to his parents on June third, his birthday.   
“I don't know. I was considering writing gay on a cookie then walk up to them with the cookie, say, you are what you eat, eat the cookie then walk away.” Adam said. John burst out laughing.   
“I will pay you if you get that on video.” John laughed.  
“I decided against it, I would have to make cookies. Plus I prefer pie.” Adam said.   
“Are you going to just tell your parents and your sister or some of your friends too?” John asked.   
“One of them already knows.” Adam said with a glance and blush in Caleb’s direction. “I think a few of the others suspect.”   
“Oooooooooo Are you dating Caleb?” John asked teasingly.   
“Maybe?” Adam said, blushing slightly.   
“That's one way to come out. Just bring him to your birthday party and be like hey y'all this is my boyfriend.” John said. Adam gave him a strange look.   
“There is no chance that anyone will ever hear me say hey y'all.”   
“You just said hey y'all.”   
“Whatever.” Adam said, and went back to his seat. John went back to his seat as the panel began.   
“We would like to thank this group of scientists so much for taking time out of your day to come meet with us. Students would you please clap for our panel members.” Their science teacher said. “Would you like to introduce yourselves?” They started down the line.   
“My name is Mercy Clearwater and I'm representing women in STEAM fields. I'm 27. I was born in Northern Montana. I've worked as a marine biologist here for four years.” Mercy said.   
“My name is Amara Khan. I’m 23. I was born Pakistan, I moved to the US when I was fifteen, with my family. I've worked here for six months as an electrical engineer and project supervisor.” Amara said.   
“I am Haden Smith. I'm paralyzed from the waist down, i have been since I was six. I'm thirty five, I have two daughters. I've worked here for eight years as a mechanical engineer. I'm representing the physically disabled.”   
“I'm John Laurens. I'm representing the Mentally Disabled, I have post traumatic stress disorder. I'm also representing the LGBTQ+ community, because I'm gay. I'm twenty three. I've worked here for two years as a marine biologist.”   
“Okay class, ask away.” Hands immediately shot up.   
“Umm…..by the pole in purple shirt.” Mercy said. The kid stood up.  
“This is a question for all of you. What was your inspiration to go into the field you're in?”   
“Umm…I always really liked the ocean, me and my family used to go over the summer every year, and I always wanted to know how something could breathe underwater.” Mercy said.  
“I've always liked tinkering. I played around with gears and wires. I was so fascinated with electricity since i moved here. So electrical engineering is a dream for me, I love every moment of my job.” Amara said.  
“I was really fascinated with robots when I was little because of stars wars. My life goal is to make a working C3PO, I haven't gotten very fair on that project.”   
“I didn't have a scientific interest in marine life until college. But before then I knew everything about every type of turtle. I had this bizarre obsession with them. When I moved here my sort of foster sister gave me a turtle named Shelly. After I was diagnosed, Shelly sort of became a therapy turtle.”   
A few more kids asked questions about the actual project. Then the asked Amara and Mercy about sexism they had faced. Then just Amara about islamophobia, and what they could do to when they see it. Then to Haden about the difficulties of being in a wheelchair. Then the conver turned to John.   
“What's it like to tell someone that you have PTSD?”  
“It's hard because you don't want them to treat you any different. But it's also hard to explain. For me, my roommates in college found out in a pretty terrifying way. I had fallen asleep studying. And they just sort of left me in the common room. Usually I'll shove towels or clothes under my door so they can't hear the screaming. One of my major symptoms is night terrors, which are like nightmares but more screaming and flailing. So they found me like that. They didn't know what to do so it didn't go very well. When I woke up I went straight into a flashback. I ran to my psychologist’s office. Then we talked. He took me back to my dorm and told them everything. It's hard to talk about why you have PTSD because talking about what happened to you can often trigger attacks. You need something or someone to keep you anchored to reality.” John said. A kid raised his hand.  
“What did you use to keep you anchored to reality?” The kid asked. John smiled.  
“Sometimes I would use memories I had with my honorary sisters or my little siblings, or my few friends from high school, or my memories from before my mom died. But they never really worked. They weren't reliable. Now I use the person who I know I can always depend on no matter what, my fiancé Alexander. He keeps me from being trapped in a time I want to forget.” John said. Caleb raised his hand, John pointed at him.   
“How did you deal with homophobic as a kid?”   
“Well I grew up in South Carolina. My Father Was the mayor. He was very religious and conservative. My mom died when I was six, I told her on her deathbed, I had wanted to wait till I was your guys age, but she was dying and I wanted her to know. My Dad found out and was really angry. He was very abusive towards me. I've broken my collarbone, my ribs, my arm, my foot, I've gotten burns, scars, and bruises. I left to go live with my close friends the Schuyler's after high school graduation. I put him on trial for child abuse when I was 19 and he's been in jail ever since.” John said, everyone was silent for a few seconds. Then he saw Adam raise his hand.   
“Boy with the Beanie.” John called. Adam gave him a seriously you know who I am glare.   
“Are you ever afraid to come out to people after everything that happened to you?”  
“Of course. It's normal to be scared. But if they’re really someone worth knowing it shouldn't change how they view you. There are like three possible responses. They might say something homophobic or tell you you’re wrong. Or if they're a real friend, they'll give you a hug, they'll smile at you, and they'll say to be yourself. Then there's the third option where they say something or do something totally random. Like just be like cool pass the pizza or well, duh or and the sky is blue. Or sometimes something really weird. One of my roommates, about three days after I came out to him, the four of us were at a restaurant, he randomly turns and licks my face, then just runs out screaming I tasted the rainbow!” The students laughed. “It was the weirdest thing that ever happened to me.” Again Adam spoke.  
“What would be your advice to any of us in the closet?” Adam asked. John sighed.   
“You don't have to be afraid, you might meet some people who will bully you. But you can't let them get to you. Because you'll also meet amazing people. Life gets better together. When you can talk to someone. When you don't have to hide. One day no one we won't have to come out of the closet. And all that will matter is that you love each other. No hiding. Just begging yourself. Some days it's hard and you feel like you're alone and no one will ever really see you. But you just got to remember it gets better.” John could see a few of the kids look relieved. The same few smiling. One girl was actually crying.   
………………………  
After the panel was done Adam came up to John.   
“I'm not waiting till June Third.” Adam said. “I'm bringing Caleb to dinner once he really is my boyfriend.” John high fived him.  
“Go get the guy.” John said. And Adam ran off adjusting his beanie as he went. And John felt great, because he knew if he had heard his words when he was a kid it could've changed his life.


	32. Wedding day (part one)

“I'm gonna die of happiness.” Laf announced.   
“It's not your wedding day .” Herc reminded him.  
“Yeah, but my little boys are finally going to be together, I'm so proud.”   
“You sound like they're you sons.” Eliza laughed.  
“That's Washington and Your parents. John and Alex are my brothers.”   
“Ew… that means I'm your sister since John's my brother.” Martha said.   
“Welcome to the family.” Angelica laughed.  
“You should have ran when you had the chance.” Peggy said solemnly.   
“We’re supposed to visit Alex then John, right.” Herc asked, they nodded. They walked into Alexander’s room.   
“Hey!” They said embracing him in a group hug. Alex's hair was pulled pack into a ponytail he wore a suit and tie. He looked really nervous.   
“How ya doin?” Herc asked.   
“Trying not to panic.”   
“What's there to be worried about?” Laf asked.  
“The ring barrier is a turtle. And my vow sounds like a 1700s love letter!”  
“I thought you based the writing style off 1700s love letters.” Herc said.  
“I did, but that makes no sense! This entire relationship would be punishable by death in the 1700s! What was I thinking!?!?!”   
“Alex, calm down, it shows that you would do anything, even die to be with him.” Angelica said.   
“Oh, I wish I thought of that.”  
“You did.” Burr pointed out.  
“Oh yeah, I'm sorry I'm really going insane here.”   
“It's normal to be nervous.”   
“I'm afraid my mouth is going to get glued shut but a lama.” Alex said.  
“What?”   
“That's the dream I had last night. That my mouth got glued shut by a lama and I couldn't say I do, or tell anyone my mouth was glued shut by a lama!”  
“I'm pretty sure that won't happen.”   
“Just go visit John, I'll worry about the lama.” Alex said. They nodded, exited the room and once the door was closed, burst out laughing.   
…………………………..  
John was sitting in his suit and tie nervously tapping on his knee. You don't deserve to be loved his brain said, shut up, it’s my wedding day, leave me alone, father, PTSD, and the rest of the dark thoughts in my brain. A grin spread across his face. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. That's all he had to think of.   
“Hey John.” They said. They girls mobbed him.   
“Are you excited?”  
Are you nervous?”  
“Do you need anything?”  
“You scared?”  
“Are you ready?”  
“Do you like the decorations?”  
“Are you worried a lamas gonna glue your mouth shut?” Herc added.  
“What?!?!”  
“Nothing Alex is just panicking about lamas glueing his mouth shut.” Laf explained.  
“Oh, because of the lady in Connecticut.”  
“What?”  
“Long story.” John tried to give them a smile. Martha gave him a concerned look. He tried to silently tell her not now, but Angelica, Eliza, and Burr seemed to sense something wrong. Herc, Laf, and Peggy were totally oblivious.   
“You okay?” Martha asked.  
“I'm fine, really, just trying to clear my head.” John said, Martha was unconvinced.   
“I swear if Henry Laurens is still getting in your head.” Martha threatened.  
“Martha really, I'm fine.” John gave her a real smile. Then he inhaled a sharp breath, and the memory came rolling over him. 

“There's my little Johnny.” Eleanor said scooping up her son as he ran to her across the little parking lot of the preschool.   
“Mama!” He said jumping into her hug. She noticed a bump on the boy’s cheek.  
“What's this? Are you hurt Johnny?”   
“I'm fine.”  
“Johnny, what happened?”   
“Some of the older boys called me weird. He shoved me, I hit the swing set, he said he was sorry, Ms. Wooly made sure I was okay.”   
“Oh my poor boy.” She said hugging him tight. She felt a tear on her shoulder.   
“Mama, do you think I'm weird?”   
“Oh darling, don't let anybody ever make you feel bad for being who you are. All you can do is be yourself.”  
“But do you think I'm weird?”  
“Weird is an undefined word. It can mean anything. But you, you are special, you have more kindness that most grown ups, you have bigger brains than anyone there, and you will do anything it takes to see what's right. But you can't be angry at those boys. One who loves their enemies has none. Always choose love over hate.” She said, kneeling to look him in the eye.  
“But daddy, hates Stella and Tami.”  
“Who?”   
“Molly’s mommies.”   
“Why do you think he hates them?”  
“He's say their weird and unnatural, he's say there bad people, he's says they shouldn't be allowed.”  
“What do you think?”  
“I don't really know what's wrong. It's just like having two of you. I don't know why daddy hates them. There in love just like you and daddy.”  
“That's right, Johnny, remembered, sometimes grown ups can be wrong.”  
“Even daddy?”  
“Even daddy. I want you. And Martha. And Henry and James. And Mary.” She said placing a hand on her stomach, “to know that you never have to be scared to be yourself. And you don't need to hate someone for who they are. Choose kindness. Never forget, I will always love you.”  
“If daddy can be wrong does that mean he could be wrong when he says I can't have two brownies for dessert?” John asked with a hopeful grin. Eleanor laughed.  
“I think he's pretty right there.”   
………………………………  
John came out of the memory panting as if he had had been underwater. Martha gave him a worried look.   
“Are you okay?” Martha said. John became aware of the tears slipping from his eyes. He wiped them away. “What was it this time?”   
“Mom.” He said. They were silent. John never talked about Eleanor. He was the only one of the Laurens kids of remembered her.   
“I thought mom…… was……..always……”  
“She was. She was always really accepting. The memory I had of her just the. It was almost like a message. Before all I could hear was you don't deserve to be loved, but then there's that memory of mom……………..I wish she was here.” John said. Martha nodded.  
“I wish I knew her.”  
“You would have loved her.” Martha smiled and hugged him.   
“You ready to go?” Called Fierro from the doorway.  
“Yeah.”  
“Okay, I made one last change, I had this idea last night, so we're changing all the flowers. Here's yours.” He scampered off, throwing the flowers behind him, John barely caught them. They were white roses, or at least had been, each one was dyed a different color so the flowers formed a rainbow. John laughed.  
“Leave it to Fierro.”   
………………………  
Alex knew it was time to go. The music began. Not the usual wedding march, but a different tune that they had picked. He shakily took his first step out the door. In front of him he saw his friends all dressed up and waiting for him. And so was shelly the turtle, the rings perched on her back. He gripped his flowers and made his way down. He saw Professor Washington join him. He felt tears come to his eyes. Felt his mother, his dead mother beside him, he felt her grab his hand too. Professor Washington smiled at him, Alex was filled with the warmth of knowing that this was the man responsible for him making it into the US and insisting he join debate club. Which in someone meant he also had been the one to make sure he met John. And he was now in his place waiting and watching for John. His fiancé. And now, any minute now, husband. Then there he was walking down the aisle. A broad grin across his face.   
………………………………………………………………………………

John began his first steps down the aisle. But he didn’t feel like he was walking, he felt like he was flying. He was so happy. Seeing Alex smiling. All his friends around him. Catherine and Philip at his side. Then he was there. Standing across from Alex, in all the rainbow flower glory.  
…………………………………………

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of one Alexander Hamilton and one John Laurens.” the officiator began. He kept talking continuing his monologue, but John was to overwhelmed with happiness to listen. Then came the time where John had to speak.  
“Would you like to give your vows.” He asked. John nodded trying to keep the tears of joy out of his eyes.   
“I tried to writesomething. I went back to the lecture hall where we first met. I walked the paths we used to walk. I went back to the dorm where we studied. I think I creeped out a couple of college kids.” John said with a shaky laugh. Alex laughed too, his eyes doing that cute thing John loved when his eyes crinkled and he laughed. Except this time a few happy tears something. I went back to the lecture hall where we met. I walked the paths we used to. I went back to our apartment and my dorm.” John paused and gave a shaky laugh. “I think I creeped out a couple of college kids.” Alex laughed too, doing that cute thing John loved where his eyes crinkled as he laughed, except this time a few tears escaped. “Eventually I went to back to that little cafe we loved. I sat I wrote on a napkin, but the waitress threw it away. Which was probably a good thing. I've never been good at communicating my emotions. What I'm trying to say is there are no words to describe how much I love you.” They were both crying a little now. It was Alex's turn.   
“So…...um…...what I wrote turned out weird. It's sort of in the style of a 1700s love letter. So here it goes.   
Cold in my professions, warm in [my] friendships, I wish, my Dear Laurens, it m[ight] be in my power, by action rather than words, [to] convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that 'till you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you. Indeed, my friend, it was not well done. You know the opinion I entertain of mankind, and how much it is my desire to preserve myself free from particular attachments, and to keep my happiness independent on the caprice of others. You sh[ould] not have taken advantage of my sensibility to ste[al] into my affections without my consent. But as you have done it and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on condition that for my sake, if not for your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me. Peace made, My Dear friend, a new scene opens. The object then will be to make our independence a blessing. To do this we must secure our union on solid foundations; an herculean task and to effect which mountains of prejudice must be leveled! It requires all the virtue and 0all the abilities of the country. We know each others sentiments, our views are the same.   
Yours forever.   
A.Ham.” He finished. He shrugged and gave a small giggle. The officiator laughed too.   
“I pronounce you Husband and Husband.” John’s heart fluttered.   
“You may kiss the Groom.”   
They kissed. And for those few seconds nothing else mattered. Just him and Alex. That’s it. For Forever.


End file.
